Page 27 of Wish We Were There

He wanted to protest, to try to talk things out, to think things through; but he couldn’t seem to coordinate any of his thoughts into coherent words.

“Taylor,” he managed to get out. “Hold on, I mean—”

“Go,” Taylor interrupted—it wasn’t quite a snarl, but there was a hardness underlying his tone that hadn’t been there before. He faced away from Parker now, turned toward the door to the kitchen with his arms folded tightly in front of him, head downturned. “Just... Go home, Parker.”

Parker stared at him for a long moment, trying to come up with something, anything, to justify staying; but his mind was still blank. Taylor kept his back turned to him as Parker slowly stepped away from the bar, turned toward the exit, and walked through the hallway to the front door. It rattled behind him, then he was alone on the street.

The air bit his skin with cold, but the streets bustled with activity—downtown on a Saturday evening meant all the nearby restaurants and bars were full of life and activity, their light and noise spilling out onto the sidewalk.

But the Caesura Room behind him was dark and silent. Parker took one step, then another, until he’d walked mechanically all the way back to where he’d parked. He drove home in silence, Taylor’s words still rattling around in his mind. By the time he’d arrived back at his apartment, he still couldn’t make sense of it all.

Some things became clear the next morning, after Parker had slept on it, but so much of the last night’s revelations remained a complete mystery to him.

Taylor and Zach hadn’t been together when Zach died. Somehow, it felt like a betrayal, which Parker knew made no sense; but some part of him couldn’t get over the idea that they had been planning this for a year and never told him. They weren’t as tight knit as they’d been back in college, sure, but Parker still considered both of them friends, especially Taylor—and he’d been the one who introduced them, if nothing else. Somehow, that only created an extra layer to it all, adding a strange sense of personal failure and guilt to all his confusion.

Why were they separating? Had something happened between them? There was surely more Parker didn’t know, more Taylor hadn’t told him.

But the band must have known, and he would bet money that was why Dean had been so weird to him at Taylor’s house—they had all been weird, honestly, but Dean had acted the most outwardly hostile. He must have thought Parker knew, too, and was... what? Trying to make his move on Taylor? If he’d known Zach and Taylor had been separated for so long, though, then why did he care?

There had to be more to the story.

He still couldn’t make heads or tails of why Taylor would have waited so long to tell him now. Wanting to keep a separation under wraps until their summer tour was over, he could understand—but Taylor could have told him at any point in the months that Parker had been helping Taylor out, bringing him food, checking in on him, making sure he got out of the house... He’d thought Taylor had been grieving his husband, but maybe for Taylor it had been for something else entirely.

Underneath all of it, though, was the heat still simmering deep in Parker’s chest: Taylor had kissed him, wanted him, and for too short of a moment, he’d kissed Taylor back. The other man hadn’t been wrong in his assertion. He did want Taylor. He’d just been so caught off-guard at the realization that his feelings were reciprocated after all that he hadn’t been able to articulate any of his thoughts, not in any meaningful way, at least.

He blew it—again—but hopefully this time he hadn’t completely fumbled his shot.

Maybe they would be able to talk about it after Taylor got his cast off. He hadn’t heard anything from the other man, so tentatively assumed that they were still good for Parker to take him to the appointment. Now, at least, he could put some of his thoughts into words. His chest still ached with guilt and confusion—wanting Taylor, yet feeling it was somehow wrong of him—but maybe if they could talk things out, it would all start making more sense.

A few hours before he and Taylor had planned to meet, he texted the other man:

Parker

Still on for your appointment today, yeah?

But Taylor didn’t respond. He could see Taylor had read the text when he checked it a little while later, but there was no reply. It made Parker unsettled, but he decided he would still go pick Taylor up. He needed to get his cast off, finally, regardless of... what had happened between them last night. He wasn’t so petty that he’d go back on his word to Taylor now.

So later that afternoon he headed out, driving to Taylor’s house despite the lack of response to his text. Taylor hadn’t told him not to come, he argued with himself in the car, so going was the right thing to do.

Parker

I’m here

He texted Taylor again, once he’d parked outside the other man’s house. Again, after a moment, the read receipt appeared under the message, but still no response from Taylor came.

Parker huffed half in frustration and half in worry, checking his phone every few minutes as he sat and waited, but Taylor never replied. Finally, Parker got out of his car and walked up to the front door.

He stood there for a moment, feeling awkward and exposed, until he finally forced himself to knock on the door.

“Taylor?” he called, peering around to see if any of the windows were open—he couldn’t tell from here. “Are you home?”

He hadn’t really expected a response, but the anxiety in his gut only increased the longer he stood there. He tried calling Taylor now, instead of texting him; the phone rang three times, then went to voicemail. Parker hung up without leaving a message, sighing and scrubbing a hand through his dark hair.

He didn’t want to be presumptuous enough to check the door; and even if it was unlocked, it would feel too weird to just waltz into Taylor’s home uninvited. Something told him Taylor didn’t want to see him at all right now, but he didn’t want to just let Taylor miss the doctor appointment, either.

He knocked again to no answer, then in frustration sent another text.

Parker

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