Page 43 of Wish We Were There

The whole situation felt so awkward. What was he going to do? They needed to talk, that was for certain, but was now really the best time? But when else would they be spending this much time together without actively doing something else?

“You promised them,” he whispered to his reflection in the bathroom mirror, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “Kylie will kick your ass if you don’t do it.”

It wasn’t exactly convincing, but it did strengthen his resolve enough that he finally went back out into the living room where Taylor sat, looking pensively down at his forearm. Already his skin looked a little better, though it was now a bit more pinkish and raw.

“Did that help?” Parker asked softly, sitting down beside him. Taylor mustered a small smile.

“Yeah, a bit,” he said, sighing. “I think it’s just gonna take a few days to start looking normal again, I guess. Just waiting for the painkillers to kick in.”

Parker nodded, then they both sat there silently for a moment. His mind was racing with anticipation. He couldn’t chicken out. He had to say it now.

“Could we, um, talk about... About all this?” he said softly, his voice coming out far more timidly than he’d liked. Taylor blinked, glancing up at him in surprise.

“I...” he started, then trailed off. “Yeah. What do you mean?”

“I’ve been... Thinking about the other day,” Parker said resolutely, ignoring how heat rose in his face. “How we... You know, talked about us.”

Taylor’s expression became pained, and he glanced away. “Yeah, I... I wanted to talk about that too.”

Parker hesitated, not expecting Taylor’s response. “Oh, uh... Do you want to go first?”

A small smile ghosted across Taylor’s lips as he looked at Parker for a long moment, studying his face. Parker’s heart started beating faster. He wasn’t sure what Taylor was looking for, and was unsure if the other man found it, when he finally leaned back on the sofa and answered, “You first.”

Parker nodded. It seemed likely that what they wanted to say was the same, especially after everything that had happened at Taylor’s appointment. Despite all the mental rehearsing he’d done, he still had to fight to get the words to come to the forefront of his mind.

“I was thinking about what we talked about,” Parker said slowly, trying to keep his gaze trained on Taylor, even though all his instincts told him to look away out of embarrassment. “And I, uh... I changed my mind about wanting to take things slow.”

Taylor blinked, blue eyes wide. Parker hesitated, heart thudding painfully in his chest; but then Taylor’s expression became more guarded, like he was afraid Parker was going to pull away from whatever they had entirely. So he blurted out,

“I thought that would help make sure I didn’t fuck things up, but then I was talking to Kylie and she... I realized I was already fucking things up with you, and I don’t want to do that. I want to do this right.”

Taylor’s mouth dropped open. “You talked to Kylie?”

Parker couldn’t hold back the laugh—of all the things Taylor would have latched onto, of course it would be his conversation with Kylie. “Yeah, she, uh... Kind of ambushed me the day I got back from Nashville. I actually had dinner with the rest of the band... She made me think it was something going on with you, and then they had, like... an intervention when I got there. But it’s alright. It actually really helped me see how you must have been seeing things, and I realized I’ve been really stupid.”

“I told her not to do that,” Taylor groaned, scrubbing a hand through his dirty blond hair and pushing the strands out of his face. “Jesus, I’m sorry, Parker. She really shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, no, don’t apologize,” Parker said quickly. “It helped me a lot. I think I needed to hear it from someone else, you know? It made me realize that I, um… I think I felt really, uh, insecure about what you might think of me. Comparing me to Zach. Because he was, you know, this big personality and a fucking rockstar and all that. And I’m just…”

His voice cracked. Taylor’s expression became pained, and he was sure the other man understood what he was trying to say, but he needed to say it. If he could admit it to Kylie and the others, then he could be just as vulnerable with Taylor, too.

“I’m just, you know, a regular guy,” he said, trying to laugh as he said it, but his eyes were stinging with tears. “I felt like I could never compare to him. And if we weren’t together, you would never have to compare us and decide I wasn’t… wasn’t as good.”

“Parker,” Taylor murmured, squeezing his hands. “I would never think that. Ever. I never wanted a rockstar. Hell, it was when things started really ramping up with the band that, you know, me and Zach started drifting apart. That was never what was important to me.”

“I know. I didn’t understand that before, but I see it now,” Parker replied, nodding. He gave Taylor’s hands a gentle squeeze in response before pulling them away to rub self-consciously at his eyes before continuing. “And, I mean, I was getting so in my head about... About what I thought Zach would think about all this, too, that I couldn’t think about what it was like for you. Not that I think I could understand what you’ve gone through, Taylor, because I can’t. You’re just—so strong and brave, and...”

He clamped his mouth shut, realizing he was rambling, but Taylor was looking at him with a soft, hesitant smile now. So he ventured again,

“All that to say... I’m really sorry about how I handled things when you kissed me, and when we talked afterward. I’ve just been really, really afraid to mess this up with you. And I think I was trying to find any excuse not to, you know, take things further, so that I wouldn’t have to think about... how it was actually me being afraid of losing you. You’ve been my friend for so long, Taylor, and I would never forgive myself if I messed up our friendship. But I... I’ve cared about you for so long, too, and I don’t think I could hold myself back anymore, either, even if I wanted to.”

His voice wavered at the end, and he looked away, embarrassed. After a beat, Taylor’s hands clasped his again, warm and soft on his skin. He shot a nervous glance back over at Taylor. The other man had a sympathetic expression, his eyes shining as he met Parker’s gaze.

“I understand,” he said softly. “Really, I do. But you don’t have to worry about losing me as a friend, alright? And... I’m sorry, too. I think neither of us wanted to be the one to... to say it. But I understand why you would have been a lot more hesitant than me. You didn’t know about me and Zach, and I know he was your friend, too. And I appreciate how you care about what he would think. God, is it weird that I feel like this would be way easier if he were still here?”

Parker had had the same thought many times himself. If Zach were still here... He probably would have rolled his eyes if Parker had come to him asking what he would think if, hypothetically, he wanted to maybe potentially ask Taylor on a date. He could practically hear Zach’s voice telling him to just fucking go for it.

“No, I don’t think that’s weird,” Parker laughed faintly. “I think you’re right. I think if he could just tell us to our faces we were being dumb, and he didn’t care, we might actually believe it.”

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