Page 213 of Every Breath After

I suck in a breath, and he stiffens. My arms instinctively tighten on him before he can panic and bolt. “It’s okay,” I tell him thickly. Wetting my lips, I say, “Izzy’s gonna come home, and-and everything will be okay. We’ll go off to college. You to California, and us to New York, just as we planned.”

His lashes flutter over my skin, feather-light, and a chill skates down my spine.

My next words are spoken so softly, I can barely make them out over the thundering of my heart. “Everything will go back to the way it was, but it’ll be better this time. Better because we…we know now, what it’s like to lose it all. We’ll never take things for granted again. We’re gonna chase our dreams. We’re gonna be brave. Nothing will hold us back from living the life we want.”

I swallow hard. Hard enough, he has to hear it—feel it. “You’re gonna go to art school where you’ll make lots of friends and meet lots of boys. You’ll go to parties and on dates, and…and have everything you should’ve had in high school.”

Letting my eyes fall shut, I lose myself to the familiar cinnamon and earthy notes that I’ve come to associate with him. Especially these last eight brutal months. I breathe it in, willing it to ease the growing tightness in my chest.

“And then someday, there will be this guy, and he’s gonna come along and-and push all the right buttons. You’re gonna fight it. Be stubborn as always. But fuck, he’s gonna fall so hard. And you’re gonna fall so hard right back, because…because he won’t give up. He’ll never rest until you let him in.”

A sniffle reaches my ears, and if I’m not imagining things, he burrows deeper against my chest, like he’s again trying to make himself small…but this time, small within my arms.

“This boy—this man… he’s gonna treat you the way you deserve, better than you think you deserve. He’s gonna give you the world even when you insist you don’t want it. Because as low maintenance as you try to be…” I say roughly, a low chuckle threading my words, “you’re not.”

A startled laugh croaks out of him, scraping hotly over my neck

“And you shouldn’t be. You should have ridiculous standards and expectations, and settle for nothing less than everything.”

The mood sobers once more, and my voice grows even quieter, so quiet, it’s no more than a whisper. “And he’s gonna be the luckiest man in the world, whoever he is. Because…you don’t let people in easily. You don’t love freely. So to have that…” I swallow. “To have that…”

Jeremy pulls back just enough to crane his head back, and meet my gaze.

And there’s…there’s something there. Something important. It shines back from rippling pools of amber, stealing whatever I was trying to say, stealing my damn breath.

“Mase…” he murmurs, his forehead creasing.

“You’re gonna be happy,” I say near-soundlessly, boring my gaze into his. His face blurs, and I’m vaguely aware of my jaw trembling, and the wetness streaking down my cheek. “You’re gonna be so happy. And you hold on tight to that, okay? Don’t let go. For anything.”

His face bunches and he nods.

“Life’s too short, ’kay?” I say roughly, my voice breaking.

Another nod, and then he’s burying his face back in my neck, and holding me tight.

“It’ll be okay,” he chokes out in a whisper. Now, he’s comforting me. Reassuring me. “It’ll all be okay.”

And I have to believe him.

Because the alternative…

“Thanks for dancing with me,” he says after a moment.

“Right back at you.”

He holds me a little tighter. “I’m sorry prom wasn’t what you expected”

An unbearable tightness constricts my throat, and I’m unable to do anything but nod.

The song trickles off, fading into another slow song, one I instantly recognize from being overplayed on the radio years ago.

Jeremy groans, trying and failing to stifle a chuckle, and it instantly lightens the moment.

“Oh come on, it’s not that bad,” I rasp teasingly.

“It is. This song is so lame.”

Swallowing back a laugh, I drag my gaze up to the star-smattered sky. “Yeah, little bit.”

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