Page 105 of Mud, Love, and Chemistry

I whip my head up. Friends? Only a few months ago, that word would have made me scoff. Now, it hits me like a rock to the gut, but it’s my own doing. I called off our arrangement. I friend-zoned myself.

With an accepting nod, I sigh. “Sorry I got mad.”

Sam’s expression softens, his mouth curling into a sweet smile. “Hey, it wouldn’t be you if you didn’t fight me about it.”

Chapter 33

I don’t miss Sam. I don’t miss Sam. I don’t miss Sam.

If I say it enough, eventually it’ll become true, right?

I’ve been repeating it all week, it has yet to sink in. It’s making me question my choice to end our arrangement. I thought that was the best thing to do. I was struggling with my feelings, so the natural solution was to cut myself off from the temptation.

And it was working. Everything was going swimmingly.

Until he ruined it by labeling us as friends.

Now, all I can think about is how friends don’t do the things we were doing. Classmates casually hooking up? No problem. Fuck-buddies calling each other out of the blue? Sure thing. Hell, even as enemies I was fine with some hate sex, but this new label changes our circumstances.

I may have shut the door on us, but he locked it.

Sitting here, watching him dole out questions for our latest study group isn’t helping, either. All the little things I ignored about him before are catching my attention. For instance, when he’s nervous, he clears his throat. It’s something small you wouldn’t notice otherwise, but I’ve become attuned to it.

I’ve also learned the difference in the way he smiles. When his lips are closed, he’s doing it to be polite. It’s how he smiles at Maya. I get full-faced grins where his mouth stretches from ear to ear and his eyes light up. Even the smirks he gives me show a little teeth.

As Sam wraps up the presentation, he turns that devastatingly great smile on me. “Well, that was fun,” he says as he shuts down his computer. “I don’t know if we can top it next week.”

A pit of disappointment settles in my gut. “We don’t have to.”

Sam turns to me, eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“We don’t have a study group next week, remember? It’s the week before Christmas break, and we have a test.”

His expression falls. “You’re right.”

“Ooh, say that again,” I tease.

He scoffs, rolling his eyes before going back to packing up.

I swallow deeply. “And no lab, either.”

His shoulders noticeably sag. “So, I guess I’ll see you in O-Chem next week.”

“Yeah, I suppose so.” I hate the despondency in my voice, but I can’t help it. I wish we had a study session next week. I wish I had an excuse to hang out with Sam one more time before break.

But I’m not that lucky.

Sam turns to face me as he hikes his backpack onto his shoulder. He doesn’t say anything, but his mouth ticks up on one side. When he juts his chin toward the door, we both shuffle out. Walking down the hall in silence, we fall into step together. He could easily out-stride me, but he keeps my pace until we reach the door, which he opens for me.

We step outside and into a light snowfall. Big, fluffy, white flakes float around us, shimmering in the lights of the building. I close my eyes and dip my head back. Snowflakes gently land on my face, sticking to my lashes and making me smile. When I open my eyes, I find Sam watching me with an adoring look on his face.

I quickly brush off the flakes. “Sorry. I just love a good snowfall.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” he says in a low voice as he steps to me, lifting his hand to brush snow from my cheek. “It’s nice to see you happy.”

His hand lingers at my jaw, and my skin burns under his fingertips. The intensity in his gaze has my heart racing as I flick my eyes to his mouth. If I tip up onto my toes, our lips will touch. It wouldn’t hurt anything, right? Just a simple goodbye kiss.

As my chin tilts up, Sam drops his hand and steps back. “Have a good weekend, Brynn. I’ll see you next week.”

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