Page 106 of Mud, Love, and Chemistry

Defeat fills me to the brim, but leaves me empty as I watch him walk away. I don’t know what exactly I was expecting. I called off our arrangement, and he cemented it with his label. So why did I think it would be appropriate to kiss him?

Feeling like an idiot, yet again, I trudge home through the snow to spend my weekend hunkered down in my room, studying.

Alone.

***

“Good God, Brynn. Did you go running again?” Lisa asks as I walk through the front door.

“Yes,” I huff between breaths. I shuck my gloves and slide out of my shoes before pulling off my ear warmer. “It’s not so bad out now. This morning was worse.”

“I can’t believe you got up and went for not one, but two runs today. And you went on one yesterday!”

I nod. “And one on Sunday, and one on Saturday. What’s your point?”

“My point is you’re crazy.” With a dismissive wave, she goes back to flipping through Netflix. “What’s got you so wound up lately?”

I sigh and take a seat on the couch next to her. “I haven’t had sex in three weeks.”

“What?” Lisa’s jaw drops and her eyes widen. “What happened to your arrangement with Sam?”

“I called it off.”

“Dude...” she groans. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrug. “It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time.”

“Wait, you’ve still been meeting him on the weekends. What are you guys doing if you’re not fucking?”

“Literally nothing except working on the study group stuff.” I hate how frustrated I sound. “But it’s been so good, Lisa. We’re getting along really well, but I miss the sex.”

Lisa snorts. “I bet you do.”

“Ugh.” I drop my face into my palm. “What do I do?”

“Tell him you want to start fucking again,” she says it so nonchalantly as she picks up the remote.

“I can’t say that.” I chew on my lower lip. “Besides, he friend-zoned me.”

Lisa’s entire face scrunches. “How in the hell did you guys go from one-night stand material, to mortal enemies, to fuck-buddies, to just friends?” She lets out a heavy breath. “This is getting too complicated.”

“That’s just it, though. It’s not complicated anymore. We’re friends.” I slouch into the couch, letting the cushions swallow me. “Boring, platonic friends.”

“Brynn, there is no way you two are platonic. You’ve been sleeping together for months. That stuff leaves behind residual attachment you can’t get rid of. You of all people should understand that. It’s science.”

I chuckle, but it fades. “Yeah, but the whole point of us sleeping together was to make us hate each other a little less, and it worked. I don’t hate him anymore.”

A knowing grin spread across Lisa’s face, and her eyes light up. “So, you like him?”

I take a moment to examine the question. I do like Sam, but is that romantically or physically? I’ve left our past behind, and managed to become friends with him, but I think that’s where it stops. “Not that way. I just like him when he’s naked.”

“Same difference.”

“No, it’s not,” I say, shaking my head and putting a finger up to make a point. “Liking someone means you have feelings for them, which I don’t. The feelings I have for Sam aren’t from my heart, they’re only from between my thighs.”

A laugh bursts from Lisa and she practically chokes on it. “Okay, that’s fair. I’ve seen the guy and I can’t blame you for that.”

My smile fades. “But I hate the idea of using him for sex.”

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