Page 24 of Mud, Love, and Chemistry

“Nothing.”

“Listen, I don’t want to let go of you any more than you do me. Just thinking about it has my guts twisting.” He sounds angry, but it’s not directed at me. “If I could take you with me, or go with you, I would in a heartbeat.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls.” It’s a joke, but when Sam doesn’t laugh, I look up to find a fire in his eyes.

“I’m not that guy, Brynn. I don’t pick up random women, and I certainly don’t invite women I’ve just met to my hotel room to have sex. This wasn’t a meaningless hook-up for me. I hope it wasn’t for you, either.”

I swallow down my shame. “Of course not.

His expression softens, a tinge of remorse in his features. “But I also don’t have a magic wand. That’s not how life works.”

“I know.” I hate how pathetic I sound.

A warm smile crosses his lips. “And we can talk still, right? You’ve got my number, and I have yours. It’s not like we’ll never communicate again.”

It’s a grain of sand in an ocean, but I latch onto it with all my strength. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“Come here.” Sam wraps me in his strong embrace and connects our mouths. It’s the tenderest of kisses, much like our first on the balcony last night. Our lips caress each other’s as we try to stretch this moment as long as possible.

But it’s over too soon.

Sam releases me from his grip, and I’m so incredibly cold. Never mind that it’s already eighty degrees outside. He slips into the passenger side of the car, his expression tight as he waves through the window. The car backs out of the parking space, moves through the lot, and pulls onto the road, driving away from me without even a second glance.

I manage to get to Lisa’s car before I collapse into it and spend an exorbitant amount of time letting the tears flow freely.

Chapter 8

“For fuck’s sake, Brynn. Will you stop moping already?” Lisa stands in the doorway to my bedroom with her hands on her hips. “It’s been a month!”

I roll from my back to my stomach, my arms hanging off the side of my bed. “I’m still sad.”

Lisa huffs and sits down next to me. “Brynn, I totally understood when you cried all the way home from Grand Junction about it. I even gave you a pass when you cried off and on the week after we got home.” She glides her hand down my hair, letting it rest on my back. “But you’ve been pining over this guy for a month. It has to stop sometime.”

“You weren’t there, though. You don’t understand how perfect it was.” I roll to my side and pick at the loose threads on my comforter. “I’m allowed to be sad for as long as I want.”

“I’d almost agree with you if it weren’t for one small detail.”

“Which is?”

“You never even called him!” She throws her hands in the air. “You’ve had four weeks to reach out to the guy, but never did.”

Indignation flares in me. “What exactly would I have said, huh? ‘Oh, hey Sam. It’s Brynn. Thanks for the great one-night-stand. Maybe we can hook up again next year after the Mud Down? Cool, have a good rest of your summer!’”

“Um, yeah. That would’ve been a great conversation.”

I laugh, but it’s stilted. “What would be the point of rehashing a night that we won’t ever be able to have again?”

“You guys could have gotten to know each other more. Maybe started something serious? Casper isn’t that far away.”

“But he said he’s going to be job searching. What if we got serious and made plans and then he got a job that took him clear across the country? Or even to another country? I don’t think I could handle that, again.”

“Not every guy is Connor.”

I focus my gaze on the ceiling for a moment to keep the tears at bay. “Well, it doesn’t matter. Sam didn’t reach out to me either.”

“Yeah, what’s with that? I figured that would’ve been enough to make you call him. You’re such a control freak, don’t you need to know?”

I grit my teeth at her use of “control freak.” Do I like to know what’s going on? Yes. Does it mean I have to control everything around me? No. I may be a little more emphatic than most people, but that’s not a bad thing. “He probably feels the same way I do about the situation. We synced that night, Lisa. We clicked. He knows as well as I do that there wasn’t a real future for us. Why fight it?”

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