Page 27 of Mud, Love, and Chemistry

I feel like I’ve been sucker-punched in the gut. “So, I was good enough to sleep with, but not good enough for you to share the details of your life with?”

“It’s not that?”

“Then what is it?” I tighten my hold on myself, clenching my teeth. “You could have been honest, Sam.”

“You could have, too.” He points at me. “Instead, you made it sound like there were more miles between us.” With a sigh, he removes his glasses to run his hand down his face. “And long-distance doesn’t work, you know?”

“So, you lied to get what you wanted.”

His hand stops on his chin as he gives me a sideways glance. “Excuse me?”

“You thought we’d never see each other again, so you decided to get some fun out of the deal.”

Sam doesn’t speak, he just stares at me, his mouth agape.

“All that stuff you said about not doing one-night stands was bullshit, huh? You knew if you gave us a deadline, it would raise the stakes, and saying you lived in Wyoming gave you an out.” I lick my lips, bolstering myself for my next statement. “You used me.”

His features soften, and for a moment, I see what I think is remorse swirling in his eyes. “Brynn, I...”

“Don’t even start with your fake apologies.” I hold my hands up as I back away. “Congratulations on your conquest, Sam Eastman.” Spinning on my heel, I storm down the hallway, feeling sick to my stomach.

Sam calls after me, but I don’t stop. I keep walking as fast as I can all the way home.

***

I spend the rest of the afternoon sobbing in my bed with my arms around a pillow. I’m so incredibly angry and hurt that the tears won’t stop. It makes me even angrier to know I’m spilling them over Sam. A liar. A person who doesn’t deserve my tears. Yet here I am.

I’m such a wreck that when Lisa walks in the door, she takes one look at me and rushes to my side. “Shit, Brynn, what’s wrong?”

“He’s here.” I say through my tears.

“Who? Who’s here?”

I grab a tissue and blow my nose. “Sam.”

Lisa’s eyebrows squish together. “What do you mean Sam’s here? Like, in the house?”

“No.” I shake my head, wiping my tears with another tissue. “In Colorado. He was in my lecture class today.”

“No way.”

“Uh huh. He knew all summer he was moving down here to go to school. He lied to me, Lisa.” I choke out the last bit through more tears.

“That fucking skunk.”

I sniffle. “And now he’s here, at my school, in my class, and every time I see him, it’ll remind me of what an idiot I am.”

“Brynn, you are not an idiot.” Lisa brings out her stern, serious tone.

“Yes, I am, considering what I did. I mean, I let some guy feed me lines, believing every one of them, and then I slept with him because I thought I felt some sort of connection. How could I be so naive?”

Lisa hums, like she’s contemplating what she wants to say, before setting her hand on my knee. “Maybe your heart was exhausted.”

“What do you mean?”

“This last year wasn’t easy on you, Brynn. After what Connor pulled, you sort of curled in on yourself. Not that I’m blaming you. It makes total sense that you’d guard yourself pretty hardcore after that jerk, but I think it finally caught up to you.”

I chew on my lower lip, but stay silent.

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