Page 66 of Mud, Love, and Chemistry

“I was making pouty faces and squishing my boobs together to get a rise out of him.”

“I bet he rose.” Lisa nudges Jackie with her elbow, and they giggle.

With a roll of my eyes, I continue. “We started making out, and I…sort of…let him finger me.” The last part comes out quietly as I hide behind my coffee mug.

“Ahhhh!” They both squeal, and I wince at the pitch.

“How was it?” Lisa asks, her face lighting up.

“Fantastic.” I release a contented sigh before I yank myself back to the present. “But what am I going to do, now?”

“I think the more important question is, what do you want to do?” Lisa asks.

I stare at her blankly, but say nothing.

Lisa groans. “Do you like him?”

“Not in the way you’re thinking.”

Jackie’s mouth drops open. “But you said you let him?”

I hold up my hand. “I know what I said, but that doesn’t mean I have feelings for him. I just like the way he touches me.”

“So, do you want him to keep touching you?” Lisa asks, wiggling her butt in her seat.

This isn’t an easy decision. Chewing on my lower lip, I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe out the word, “No.”

“No?” they both ask in unison.

I open my eyes to find the most ridiculously incredulous looks on their faces. “I don’t want a relationship with Sam, and I don’t want to lead him on.”

“Then what are you going to do?” Lisa asks.

“I’m going to tell him we can’t be alone together anymore. We’ll have to do our study group prep at the library or something.” It sounds so easy, so simple. I hope I can say the words when the time comes.

***

All day Tuesday, I psych myself up for an unpleasant chat with Sam, only to be thwarted by Maya. She gets to lab early, ambushing Sam the second he rounds the corner, and then waits for him to leave with her when class is over.

Part of me is relieved.

The other part writhes in anguish about delaying this conversation. I’d like to get it over with so I don’t have it weighing on my mind any longer than I have to. It leaves too much time for me to think.

On Thursday after lecture, I try my best to follow Sam out the door. Yet again, my path is intercepted by Maya. I’d swear she’s his shadow if her hair wasn’t so bright.

I’m about to skulk away in defeat, when I hear Sam say something about a meeting with another professor, then he parts ways with Maya to walk in the opposite direction. I wait a few seconds so it doesn’t seem like I’m following him before I do just that. I may walk a little faster than necessary. I don’t want to lose him, but when I round the corner, I almost crash into him.

“Whoa, Brynn. What’s the rush?”

“Sorry,” I say, collecting myself. “I… Wait, why are you hanging out over here?”

He runs a hand through his curls. “I’m waiting for the coast to be clear before I can leave.”

“Are you hiding from Maya? Again?” I try not to laugh.

“She doesn’t have class after O-Chem, so she walks me to my next one every day. And she doesn’t stop talking for a second of it.”

The defeat in his voice almost makes me feel bad for the laugh bursting from my lips, and I practically double over.

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