Page 69 of Mud, Love, and Chemistry

“Cool. See you tomorrow.” He leaves the room, and I’m left a breathless, confused wreck.

***

The entire night all I dream about is Sam’s nearness. Not dreams of us having sex, no. Just dreams about the way his body heat feels, the way he smells, the way I burn with desire when he’s close to me. All the things to build up my anticipation without granting me any sort of release. It doesn’t make this decision any easier.

At breakfast Saturday morning, I mostly push my cereal around instead of eating it. Lisa notices.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you?” she asks.

“Hm? Oh, nothing.” I sigh. “Okay, well, something. Can you swear to keep a secret? Swear to not tell anyone, including Jackie and Hannah?”

Lisa’s face lights up as she crosses her heart and makes a zipping motion across her lips.

I chuckle and shake my head. “Something happened at study group last night.”

“Ooh, drama.” She wiggles her butt in her chair. “Did you and Sam make out after group, or something?”

“No, there wasn’t any making out, but he did offer me an interesting proposition.”

“He propositioned you? Like a hooker?”

“Ew, no!” I let out a mock-offended laugh and swat her leg. “He asked if I wanted to casually have sex whenever we hung out.”

“So, fuck-buddies?”

“He called it fucking-frenemies, since we don’t actually like each other.”

Lisa giggles. “Are you going to do it?”

“I don’t know. I mean, he made a very convincing argument last night.” I clench my thighs as I think about how close he came to convincing me. “But now that I’ve had time to think about it...”

“Stop thinking, Brynn.”

With a snort, I say, “Easier said than done.”

“You think too much. This time, leave your brain out of it, and go have some fun.”

I sigh. “God, do I want to have some fun with him.” I bite my lip at the thought of knowing how good that kind of fun really is.

“Clearly.” She grabs my hand. “I know Connor broke you, but I think you should let Sam fix you.”

I crinkle my nose.

“Sam may not be ‘the one,’ but if he’s what you need to get yourself back, then go do him until you feel like you again.”

Lisa’s words may be a little edgy, but they make a lot of sense. “You’re right. So what if he’s not my forever, or even my next year? He can be my right now, and that’s good enough.”

“Atta girl.” Lisa pats my leg. “Now, can I help you pick out what to wear?”

Chapter 22

It’s an unseasonably warm November day for my walk to Sam’s apartment. My Colorado Avalanche hockey hoodie is almost too heavy, but I don’t dare take it off. The outfit Lisa had me wear can barely even be considered one.

As I stroll along, I decide not to look a gift-horse in the mouth and enjoy my time outside. The sun is shining, but the light breeze blows softly across my skin and keeps me cool enough. A faint aroma of burning leaves wafts into my nostrils. I soak up the beautiful autumn day, letting it quell my anxiety.

I’ve been trying not to think too hard about the situation I’m about to walk into, but that’s as easy as prying a bear trap open. I mean, I’ve made up my mind, as stupid as it may be. Lisa was right, though. After what I went through with Connor, I deserve some fun, and what Sam is offering sure does sound fun. There’s nothing wrong with what we’re about to do. Like he said, we’re both consenting adults who are aware of our actions.

Doesn’t make my nerves any less strained.

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