Page 89 of Mud, Love, and Chemistry

He sits up, scooting closer to me. “Brynn, I went over a week without fucking you. Now that I’ve gotten a taste for it again, I want to do it all night long.”

I want those words to be true, and true only for me, but we’re not exclusive. We’re not a couple, and yet there’s a loyalty in his words I haven’t noticed before. I have to test him. “You could have called Maya if you were so hard up.”

He lets out a disgusted grunt. “I told you in July, I’m not that kind of guy.”

“Yeah, you did,” I say quietly, anticipation of his next words bubbling in my gut.

“Well, it’s true. I don’t sleep around just to get laid.” He sounds offended. “You and I may not be in a relationship, but there’s no one else, Brynn. It’s you and me. For as long as we have this arrangement, at least.” That last bit comes out a little on the defeated side, but he recoups quickly. “Now, am I going to have to take off your clothes for you?”

***

I wake the next morning with the sun. Light pours through the thin curtains, streaking the air like sharp blades as dust lightly floats in and out of the streams. Closing my eyes again, I stretch, but something gets in my way.

Something warm. Something firm.

I realize I’m encased in Sam’s arms with my back against his chest. His steady breath tickles the back of my neck. He’s still asleep.

Panic creeps up my spine. “Shit, shit, shit,” I whisper.

We’re not supposed to cuddle. Cuddling leads to feelings, and feelings lead to relationships, and relationships lead to…well, nothing that I’m interested in doing with Sam. I knew spending the night was a bad idea, but I was so swept up in the incredible sex that I didn’t even consider the consequences. And now those consequences have me wrapped in their embrace.

I’ve got to leave.

Slowly, ever-so slowly, I lift Sam’s arm and shimmy away from him. He grunts and smacks his lips, but doesn’t move otherwise. With a relieved sigh, I gather my clothes and quickly dress before leaving the apartment, but then guilt pokes at me.

We shared quite the intimate night. I mean, I opened up to him in ways I haven’t since July. And I don’t just mean spreading my legs. I told him why the internship is so important to me, and he seemed to really understand. It was a nice moment of connection.

But that doesn’t mean we should have cuddled all night.

Still, I should’ve at least woke him up to say goodbye. If anything so he could lock the door behind me, but that would’ve opened up a whole slew of other issues. He probably would’ve wanted to have sex again.

Okay, so maybe that wouldn’t have been so bad, but what if he invited me to stay for breakfast? Would we have had sex again after that? Then he probably would’ve offered lunch and more sex. I would’ve ended up spending the whole day with him, too!

Well, I suppose at some point, I’d have to leave for class. I wonder if he has classes on Wednesdays. We’ve never talked about our classes other than in regards to scheduling for the study group stuff. I don’t even know what he’s taking besides O-Chem.

I guess there’s a lot I don’t know about Sam.

No. That’s not completely true. I know he’s taking a first aid class with Professor Duncan. That’s how he became my hiking partner. And I know he likes Imagine Dragons, but happens to be an unfortunate fan of DC Comics. Just one of his many flaws.

I giggle to myself. I suppose he’s not entirely flawed. I mean, he is incredible in bed. His sense of humor isn’t all that bad, either. At least when he’s not teasing me.

As I walk, a crease forms between my eyebrows. I know more about Sam than I realized, and for some weird reason, I like that.

Chapter 28

Friday afternoon, I chew on what’s left of my fingernails while on my way to study group. After sneaking out of Sam’s apartment early Wednesday morning, I felt like such a sleazeball. He texted me to make sure I got home okay, but that was it. I don’t know if he was mad about it, or just indifferent, but I avoided him all the same. I even managed to get into O-Chem lecture early and be the first to leave yesterday.

I wasn’t ready to talk about what happened. Honestly, I’m still not.

Spending the night is not part of our agreement. We’re supposed to be having sex to make working together more tolerable, and it’s been successful. We don’t argue anymore. We don’t disagree nearly as much, and when we do, it’s a light-hearted discussion. We’re on much better terms than we used to be.

But that doesn’t negate the fact that we cuddled. All. Night. Long.

We usually cuddle for a few minutes post-sex, but that’s mainly to make easing back into reality less stressful. We don’t do it because we like each other.

I shake away the jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions as I walk through the O-Chem doorway. I find Sam already here, waiting for me. “Oh, hey,” I say as I shut the door behind me.

“Hey,” he replies without looking up from the computer.

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