Page 93 of Mud, Love, and Chemistry

Through more tears, I let all the details come pouring out. Lisa knows about my agreement with Sam, but she doesn’t know how well things have been going. So I tell her. I tell her everything from the mind-blowing sex, to how much I’ve come to like Sam, to our intimate Wednesday night. Each sentence is painful to say, but I feel better after every confession.

Until I get to the end. “Which brings us to today.” I take a deep breath and swallow. “When I got to his place, I saw him walk a girl out.”

Lisa gasps. “No.”

I nod. “She even kissed him goodbye, and when he turned around, he seemed so happy about it.”

“That sack of shit.”

I don’t defend him. He doesn’t deserve it. “So, I texted him I was sick, and came home to cry all afternoon.”

“What? Why didn’t you confront the prick?”

“I don’t know.” I drop my gaze to my lap, wringing my hands. “I think that if I confront him, then all this becomes real. I’ll hear the lies come out of his mouth and it’ll solidify the fact that I’m alone.”

Lisa takes my hands in hers. “Then let’s not be alone.”

“What?” I sniffle and lift my head.

“Let’s go out.”

“Tonight?”

“Yeah. I mean, I know it’s not our usual Thursday ladies’ night, but we can still get you hammered enough to let another guy take your mind off Sam.”

I chuckle, wiping away a tear. “But you have plans with Brent. I can hang out with Jackie and Hannah.”

“They went to Denver for that concert, remember?” She shrugs a shoulder. “And Brent can come with us. That way, he can scare off creepers.”

“Are you sure? I doubt that’s what he wants to do with his Saturday night.”

“You obviously need to do something or someone”?she pauses to wink at me?“to get over Sam. You’re my best friend. You will always come first.”

I gawk at her. “You’re pretty confident.”

“I get it from you,” she says with a smile, and pats my leg. “Now, go take a shower and get ready. Brent and I can have our night together before we go out.” She bobs her eyebrows.

I crinkle my nose. “I didn’t need to know that.”

Chapter 29

Lisa was only half right. Even though it’s not ladies’ night, I’ve had plenty of drinks, but I’m not having any luck finding someone to take my mind off Sam. To be honest, I’m not trying. How can I? Everything with Sam is so fresh, and while the six cranberry vodkas coursing through my veins are helping, they’re not magic potions.

Every time a guy smiles at me, I turn away. I’ve refused the few that have asked for a dance, and I even turned down a guy who wanted to buy me a drink. When I think about trying to flirt or dancing with someone, it feels too much like cheating on Sam, which I know is ridiculous since he’s the one who did it first.

I take a long draw, finishing off my seventh drink. I can’t think things like that. We aren’t a couple. Never were, and never will be, so why am I so hurt?

As I flag down the bartender to order another cocktail, my eyes fall to Lisa and Brent sitting on the bar stools to my side. They’re so involved in each other, they’ve barely spoken to me. I can’t really blame them. Lisa doesn’t usually stay with a guy for long, but she seems to really like Brent. I’m happy for her.

I am, but I can’t watch them for long. Their gooey facial expressions are sickening, but it’s more so the fact that I want what they have. I want someone to look at me the way Brent looks at Lisa, like I’m the only one in the world who matters. It’s the way Sam looks at me.

Fuck, I need some air.

Tossing back my newest drink, I tap Lisa’s shoulder and point to the patio. Her eyes flick from me to the bathroom, as if asking whether she should come, but I shake my head and hold up a finger. I’ll only be a minute. I need to clear my head, and what better way to do that than by stepping into the frigid December air. Luckily, my eighth cranberry vodka is keeping me warm, if not a bit unstable on my feet.

A blast of winter smacks me in the face as I open the patio door. Unlike air-conditioning, though, the air is fresh and crisp. It seems to open my airways instantly when I breathe.

Taking up residence under an outdoor heater, I stare at the twinkling stars peppering the night sky. I used to wish on the stars as a little girl. I wished for all kinds of crazy things, as all kids do, but the one wish I made over and over again was to fall in love.

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