Page 15 of Deep Connection

“I wasn’t sure if you would see me or not.”

“Of course, I will, Jason. Whatever happens outside of here doesn’t matter. I will always be here to get you feeling better.”

I didn’t like how she said that, whatever happened. She was going to brush over it like it never happened or wouldn’t again and that certainly wasn’t what I was in the mood for. I was in the mood for us to hash this out. If my only other option was to walk away and let that be that, I wasn’t going to be able to handle that.

“I would feel better if we could talk about the other night.”

Abigail told me that Dana was in the next office. “Why don’t we go into the room, and we can talk there, okay?”

There was tension in her tone, tension I’d put there, and I had to erase it. I was going to have to say too much, and I hated the idea of it. I didn’t want hers or anyone else’s sympathy. It didn’t suit me, though I knew that was how she was going to look at me. It was one of those times that I was glad I didn’t have to see it.

When I got into the room, the light was already on, and I took a seat where I always did. It felt different to be there and while I had some of the same anticipation, it was certainly different than what I was used to. I wanted there to be more between us, but for now, all I could focus on was how it was all going to go down. I wanted us to get over it, for her to forgive me, but that meant that I would have to say more. Why was I terrified of that? Why did I fear that there was something going on between us that was worth it? I hadn’t ever felt that way, literally ever before. That had to mean something, didn’t it?

She came in and closed the door. I noted that this time it wasn’t locked and that saddened me a little bit. It meant that she didn’t think that the two of us were going to be together like we had been before. I didn’t think she was going to come in and kiss me like she usually did or wanted to. I knew that I’d caused the change and I desperately wanted to fix it.

“What’s up, Jason? We can just start the treatment if you want.”

She didn’t want to talk. The other night she wanted to stop us dead in our tracks so that we could get it all out, but now she didn’t want to? It was confusing and I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it. Had she not cared as much as I had hoped and figured that she would? That wasn’t something that I wanted to know the truth of.

“I was hoping that we could talk. I wanted to apologize for the other night. I didn’t mean to lose my cool like that. I was just embarrassed, and I didn’t want you to see me that way and I messed it all up.”

Abigail’s tone wasn’t as crisp. “You fell, I made us both fall. It wasn’t your fault.”

I knew that was true, but that was just the beginning. I was blind, it took a long time to get over it, I didn’t know if I still was. I tried for several months to go to every doctor that could help me, because I didn’t want to go through life blind. Admitting that I’d have to was more than I wanted to deal with, and it was what made me on edge.

“It just made me realize that I will never be normal again. I can’t have a normal kiss and make out session with a beautiful woman, and I swear it was just too much, that’s all. It was never about you or anything that you had done. It was all me and my own crap.”

I am glad that I didn’t see her face. I could almost guarantee that she was looking at me like I was helpless. That’s how I felt too, and if I had seen that look on Abigail’s face, I probably would have gotten mad again. I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me. I wanted to be with her, and pity wasn’t the way for me to get what I wanted. I wanted her to see me as a capable man that could do wonderful things to her body. I knew that it was a hard thought to have, but I wanted her to see me, not the disability.

“I am sorry, Jason; I could tell that you were going through something. I should have been more understanding about it.”

I hadn’t expected her to apologize. “You are sorry?”

Abigail agreed. “Yeah, I could see that you needed a minute, and I should have given it to you. It was just me being all in my head too, I guess. I was afraid maybe you didn’t want me enough.”

“I want you so bad it hurts, Abigail.” I stopped talking when I heard how desperate the sound was. I was just into her too much. It was a shame too, because there was no getting out of it. I didn’t know how to stop.

I felt a touch on my shoulder. I hadn’t seen that coming, so she got to feel how I was keeping my body rigid to stop the trembling. I was so afraid of how this conversation was going to go. I wanted to avoid it, even though I knew that I couldn’t. If I wanted Abigail back in my arms, which I desperately did, I had to come forward with my hat in hand and tell her why I had acted this way. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, but I was certainly ready for this to end.

“I want you to, Jason, just as bad.”

It was like music to my ears, and I pulled her toward me in a rush. Abigail made a surprised sound, and I knew that I had shocked her again. I loved the way it all worked out and nibbled on her flesh while she tried to deny how good it all felt. Abigail was convinced there was something going on with her. Something…

Our lips met and she made a surprised sound before she gave in to my whims. I knew that we couldn’t do much more than kiss, but I made sure that she was weak to the knees when I went to the other side of her, feeling much better. Why did it always feel like there was more to Abigail than there was? In that room, I could have taken her then and there. I almost did, but instead I put my hand down her pants. I knew I could get her off at least, before my patience for all of it was gone. It wouldn’t be long at all.

Abigail wound her arms around me, instead of pushing me away. My hand went to her core, rubbing through the layers, but doing the same thing that I wanted. A kiss wasn’t enough. I needed to make it up to her, and the other night she had been so ready for it. There was nothing else that I could do about what happened, but I could make the rest of the day better for her.

“What are you doing?”

My mouth had left hers and was going to her neck and shoulders. I knew that they were sensitive from before when we were together, so I didn’t want that to change. She moaned in the sweetest way, and I knew then that I was never going to be able to hold it together for too long when it came to Abigail. There was just something about her and I felt a gush on my fingers. She had come and hard, which made me think that anything was possible. I wasn’t the only one that was beyond need. Abigail tightened her grip on me. I knew for certain that there was something to it all. I wanted to feel what the difference was, but for now, all there was to worry about was what came next.

I had to let her go, pushing her back just slightly. She was breathing hard, and I was shaking inside. Neither one of us was really doing all that well. I had to remember where we were though. We were in her office, I was supposed to be getting physical therapy, but instead I was trying to win Abigail back. I didn’t mind if we got caught again, but I was sure Abigail had other feelings about it.

“Why don’t I get started on some of the stretches and you can pull it together?”

She sighed. “You can’t even see me, and you know that I’m all messed up, huh?”

I agreed that I could hear it in her voice. Not to mention that she had made the sweetest sound that I’d ever heard when she’d orgasmed. While I wanted to say this, that, and the other, I just nodded my head. She didn’t need to know all of my secrets. I didn’t want her to hide her feelings and reactions. It was all I had to go off of and hers were too sweet to deny myself. I was shaking there where I stood, but I dutifully started the stretches that we always had before. I was signaling that I was going to let her get dressed in peace. I wanted my hands on her, she would have allowed it, but I knew that it would be embarrassing to her, and I didn’t want that.

---