Page 5 of Deep Connection

She started to cry, and I asked her if she was all right. I let her go for a moment, giving her time to pull herself together. I knew that she didn’t want to be seen as weak. She would rather be seen as strong, so I waited for her to be reminded and to be strong once more. It was hard for me to hear her voice, because while I had a bit of a reprieve, those memories were some that would never go away. Hearing Connie’s voice just brought it all back to perspective.

“You remember what today is, don’t you?”

I didn’t know what she was talking about right away, but I didn’t want to ask because it felt like it was something that I was supposed to know.

“I can’t believe it has been a year. Are you going to the ceremony tomorrow evening?”

I cursed inwardly. It was the one-year anniversary of the attack and there would be a whole remembrance thing. I was supposed to go, I think I was talked into saying something. What was I supposed to say? I honestly had no idea, though I knew that I needed to say something.

“Yeah, of course. I haven’t woken up all the way.”

“Really? You aren’t running anymore?”

I sighed and said that I was sporadically. “I am still trying to get back to myself.”

“Abigail, I am so glad that you are doing good. I can’t wait to see you. I know that many of us are glad to hear the stories of our kids. You don’t know how much that means to me. I can think of her and feel like I really knew her. That is more than I had before.” Her voice cut out and I waited for a moment, telling her that it was going to be okay. I didn’t know if it would be or not, but I wanted to believe it.

After I promised that I would be there, of course, I got off the phone with Connie and felt heavy. I didn’t know how I could have forgotten that it was today. I knew that it was coming up, but not like this. I was sure that there was something more for me to say or do, but I didn’t know what it was. I had to say something, and people were counting on me to say it right. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to deliver.

When I got off the phone with Connie, I couldn’t believe that I had nothing written. I needed time to write something out and I didn’t have it. I had to go to work. I cursed myself on the way to the office, not sure what was on my mind, but when I saw who was waiting for me at the locked doors, I remembered quickly. Jason was standing there, all tall and hunky. His head turned toward the sound of my vehicle, and it amazed me sometimes that as aware as he seemed in his surroundings, he was blind at all. I knew he was, of course, but a blind man shouldn’t seem that capable, I suppose. I didn’t know what else it could be that made me feel the way I did when I was around him.

“Couldn’t manage to be on time?”

I didn’t know if it was how I had just synched him out in my head or what it was, but his cross words hit differently than they usually would. I was already on edge and emotional, but Jason couldn’t see that.

“Just because you’re blind, doesn’t give you the right to talk to people like that. Maybe you should read the room.” My voice cracked as I unlocked the door and opened it. “It’s open right in front of you, sir.”

He walked past me and then stopped. He was so close, and I could feel his aura just flooding out of him. There really was something about Jason. I was all worked up and I honestly didn’t know if I was going to start shouting or crying. It quickly became the latter when he pulled me in against him. “I didn’t know that you were upset. I shouldn’t have said that. You’re right. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I am sorry. I was looking forward to seeing you and was disappointed when I ran into the door.”

I looked at him and squinted my eyes. I didn’t know if he was joking or not. I hoped he was. “Well, I am here now.”

“Yes, you are.” Jason’s voice had gotten husky and I shook from the sound of it. I could see that his desire for me was in his face. Even if he couldn’t see me, he sure did want me. That seemed only fair, since I wanted him desperately.

I pulled away, letting go of him gently, not sure when I had latched on. Jason didn’t look so happy with me leaving, but he had to. I had made it clear that him touching me and holding me wasn’t comforting me at all. I knew that there was a reason for it, why he did it, but all I could feel was how badly I wanted him. It didn’t calm me down. He made my body come awake and alive.

“Well, I am sorry you had to wait. Dana is always a few minutes late, so I am the one that is supposed to open up.”

Jason nodded like he understood, but he was still staring my way. I knew that he couldn’t see, but damn if I didn’t feel like all of the attention was affecting me in the same way. My body was on fire, and I was standing in front of my office. I didn’t know what I was doing and before too long, I was sure that I’d lost my mind. It was the only idea that made sense.

“So, it’s just us?” Jason wanted to know. I agreed and he grinned. “A lot of activities come to mind that would likely help my recovery.”

I knew what he was talking about at once, and I couldn’t believe that he had said something like that. He had a big grin on his face, and it was clear that he was joking, but I took it seriously for a moment. In that moment, all I could think about was the two of us coming together in a fun way. I was sure that was what I was supposed to think of, but I wasn’t sure. Jason gave away nothing. I tried not to either, but since his senses were so different, I think I was, and I didn’t even know it.

“Right. Activities like physical therapy?” I suggested. I really needed to get us back to some sort of professionalism, because this guy was really messing with my head. I was already in his arms once today and damn it if I didn’t want to go right back into his arms again. It was sad, I knew it, but it didn’t change anything.

He moved close as he passed to get into the door. “That was the very last thing on my mind.”

I shivered with his words but didn’t say anything. I had no come back. Nothing I said was going to come out right, so it was definitely one of those situations where saying nothing was best.

6

Jason

Abigail had a tendency to get me all riled up. I was mad at her one moment and trying to get with her the next. I will admit that it wasn’t normal for me to act this way, but there really was something about her. When she called me out on my bad behavior, something that was rarely done to a blind man, I knew that she was something else. I liked the fact that she wasn’t going to let me say what I wanted. It was nice that she had so many other ways to deal with it all.

I followed her in, asking if she wanted me to go into the same office. “Sure, but you have to turn the light on.” She stopped and grinned. “Sorry.”

I waved her off and wished that she hadn’t noticed the words were off. I was fine with people thinking about me as normal. It was all that I wanted half the time, especially when I knew I was being treated differently because of my handicap. God, I hated hearing it called that, even in my own head.

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