Page 23 of Deep Connection

“You are going to have to give me a real reason to not go, Jason. The one you are giving me doesn’t sound legit to me.”

I sighed and told Abigail that she was way too hardheaded. She just laughed and said that it was fine. “I just don’t like how fast paced the city is.”

“Please come with me. I am going to go with or without you. I’ve had tickets for weeks. I have to go.”

She had tickets to go see someone in concert. It was set up in the stadium in the city. That was where big shows like that go, though I couldn’t believe such an old singer was bringing in Abigail’s attention. She said something about how it reminded her of a friend she had. Her eyes had gotten misty when she started to talk about it, so I figured that something bad had happened to her friend. I knew that I didn’t want to hurt her, so I didn’t bring it up again.

“Sure.” How could I say no to her? She had given me this look that had melted me where I stood, and I didn’t know how it was possible to tell her no. It just wasn’t in me to do.

Abigail clapped her hands like she didn’t know all along that she was going to get her way. I had a feeling that she was going to. It was easy to see how everything was working out the way it was supposed to. She launched into my arms, and she felt good there. She felt like she was right where she belonged.

“What time is it?”

She told me that the concert was that evening and though I wasn’t too enthused with who was playing and all that, I was looking forward to spending some time with Abigail. It really didn’t matter what we did, as long as we were together. That was all that I could ask for.

We kissed and I got sidetracked kissing her, making it almost impossible for her to walk away. I was terrified of a place like a concert. It was going to be loud and packed with people. For someone that can’t see, it was intimidating. What if I fell and got trampled? I thought of the fight with the intruder in my house and how it had gone so badly. What if it happened again? I really wasn’t going to be able to work it all out, no matter how much I’d hoped that to be so.

She was so happy that I couldn’t take it back. We made love for hours and even then, I could have backed out. I wondered as I was getting ready in silence if this was all going to be a mistake. It sure the hell felt like it.

The concert was even louder and more obnoxious than I feared it would be. As soon as we got dropped off, which I insisted on instead of her driving, I knew it was going to be bad. The Uber driver dropped us off right in the front, and I’d already had several people run right into me before we even got in the door. I was very unnerved by it, even though I was trying to stay cool. That was definitely easier said than done. This was not cool at the moment. No way was I going to be able to chill out.

“Are you okay?”

Abigail’s hand was on my arm, and she had a grip on me. I told her that I was fine, and she called me a liar. She was right, I was all kinds of out of sorts, but I would have rather she kept her disbelief to herself. I didn’t need to know that she didn’t believe me. “It is just really loud.”

“It’s going to get a lot louder. We aren’t even in the main part yet. We can leave, Jason, if this is too much. We don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

I didn’t want to, but I had agreed to come here with her, and I was now going to do it. That was the gist of it. “It’s fine, really. I know that it is going to be just fine.” Hell, after that sad attempt at trying to convince her, I didn’t believe me either. I didn’t think that I was going to say anything else. It wasn’t helping matters at all.

She directed me by holding my hand. I had my cane with me, but I quickly realized that there were just too many people that were there to use it. I had to rely on Abigail, something I wasn’t used to doing and it was hard for me to focus. Everything I tried to think of was just messing with my head, and I had to stop a couple of times to pull myself together. Why was it so hard to calm down when I knew what would happen if I didn’t?

“It’s okay, Jason. I am right here. I’m not going anywhere.” Her words made me feel better, but I hated that I needed her at all. I didn’t like depending on someone, anyone. I didn’t like it, no matter how much I loved Abigail. I wasn’t ready to depend on her for more than my feelings, which was already bad enough.

She said she would be there, and she was. We got to our seats in one piece, but I could feel all of the people around me, and I didn’t like the feeling of it at all. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be thinking about, but I knew that it wasn’t the music. I wasn’t having a good time, but the music was playing so it was easy to pretend. Abigail didn’t notice, she was moving back and forth next to me. I was still being touched by people too close, but it wasn’t as bad as before. Maybe I had gotten used to it, I am not sure which happened.

Her favorite song came on and I felt her distance. She was no longer in her seat, and I panicked for a moment. I knew that she was around here somewhere and that I would find her soon, but I panicked. It went over me like a flash and before I could stop myself, my heart rate started to accelerate. There was really nothing that I wanted to do, not right now. I needed Abigail. I would have called out to her, if there had been a chance of her hearing me. Everything was so loud, but then she was back, and she had a drink for me. It wasn’t what I wanted, but she was back, and I was assured.

I wanted to yell, accuse her of doing what she said she wouldn’t do. I didn’t think that it would do me any good though. I wished that it wasn’t something for me to be mad about, but I was. I felt so out of my element, and it was all Abigail’s fault for dragging me here. I wanted to blame someone.

There were a couple other times that Abigail left her seat, but it was only for a moment or when she grabbed some chips from a vendor passing through. Again, she was thinking of me and got me something too. I knew that it was for me and to make me happy, but her leaving filled me with such anxiety. I didn’t know how else to deal with it, with being there alone, even for a minute.

It was about over, and I had white-knuckled it pretty much all of the concert. I had liked some of it, but being out of my comfort zone was far worse than I would have believed. I thought that I would easily be able to get through all of the feelings associated with it, but that wasn’t true at all. I was far out of what I thought were normal activities. I wanted to get out of there and when it was over, I was finally able to breathe out. I should have known better though. It wasn’t just an easy in and out. It wasn’t easy to get in, but now that everyone was pouring out of the place in one go, it was chaos. Abigail held my hand again like I was a toddler and while I would have liked to have taken my hand away, I knew better. I couldn’t see anything and everything around me was going in fast motion. What other choice did I have?

When we got outside and I was able to breathe again, Abigail asked me again if I was okay. I didn’t know what to say, so I shrugged and waved it off like it didn’t matter. I just wanted to get some space between us and this place before I would be able to function. I hoped that she would understand, but I just needed a minute. This was intense and I’d known that it would be. I hoped she was happy, because I felt like a mess.

The experience made me realize that maybe I wasn’t going to be what Abigail wanted. She still wanted to go to concerts and have fun. She drank a little, which was fine, of course, but it left me in the lurch, and I didn’t like the feeling of having to depend on someone. Kyle was always trying to get me to go out with him too, but this was different. This situation had far too much stimulus. All I wanted to do was focus on anything else but what I was supposed to focus on.

We didn’t talk much in the Uber back to my place. I wanted Abigail to stay, but she had something she had to do in the morning, and I had an appointment with the doctor. I was a bit nervous of what was going to be done, but I knew that I was going to go with whatever he said. It was unnerving, but I needed something to happen, something better. The more time Abigail and I spent together, the better I felt and the more I wanted to feel better, to get better. It was something that shouldn’t even be possible. All the regular doctors told me that there was no chance of me getting my eyesight back. It was hard to stomach, so any hope that was given, I was going to gobble it up as fast as I could. I needed it.

I got out and went inside. The house was quiet, and I liked that part of it, but it was the other parts of it that I didn’t like, you know, like the part of it that didn’t include Abigail in the equation. I was sure that something was going to pop up, but it was a quiet night. I wanted Abigail to come over, to sleep in my arms again, but she was making herself scarce. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

Frustrated, I drank some beer and tried to get the night’s aggravation out of my system. I was too hot to handle, so I took a cold shower to douse some of my mood. I wanted to bury myself in Abigail, but that wasn’t going to happen.

As I was getting out of the bathroom, I could have sworn that there was someone on the porch. As I moved faster though, I could sense someone was there. It was driving me crazy to not know for certain. I think I knew what it was, but the fact was that I had no idea. I waited for someone to knock, for something to happen, but then nothing did, and I was able to let out the breath that I hadn’t even known that I was holding. I could have sworn that I heard footfalls going away from the house, but I wasn’t for sure. I would never be sure of anything because of my lack of eyesight. Worse than that, I really didn’t know what I was supposed to do with that.

I went to bed thinking about Abigail, thinking a few times about what was on the porch, not sure why it was bothering me. I was bothered that Abigail wasn’t here with me. I didn’t trust her here though. Something was going on with my neighborhood, but I had no idea how to pinpoint it. It wasn’t just one thing that made me feel off; it was a bunch of things all at once.

By morning, I hadn’t slept at all, and there were several more times that I thought I heard a rustling on the porch. I told myself that it was nothing, but that obviously wasn’t the case. It was just the fact that I hadn’t done much to figure it out. I had just laid there, waiting to see if someone was going to burst through the door. I hadn’t managed to even think about what would happen if I was attacked. I knew that something was going to happen. It was against my personality to not go to the source of my curiosity, but it might be the only way to stop whoever was stalking me. I could feel someone there, but I waited for them to make the first move. Why?

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