Page 29 of Second Song

He’s seen that photo.

Now my rearview mirror reflects more than wariness or worry. I’m as gutted now as after seeing that image for a first time myself, when all I could say to the lawyer my stepdad consulted about court injunctions was, “I don’t know,” and, “I can’t remember.”

Charles must read that expression. He hurries around the car and slips into the passenger seat just like last time, and like a week ago, he sets my mind at rest. “Did Luke already tell you that I’m going to have you in my classroom until Nathan is back at half-term? That’s who I usually work with, but if five weeks together is bad news, I don’t have to be your mentor. You can help in other classrooms.”

Just like that, I feel better.

“No, no. That’s good news. It’s great!” I must smile because he does too and he’s so openly happy about the prospect that, in a third reminder of Liam, I share more detail with him. “I can’t believe this is happening, that’s all. You know, after the last time I thought I’d struck gold only for it to turn into?—”

“Shit?” he suggests. “With the whole world watching?”

I nod.

He does too. “I can’t tell you how many jobs I had before I got this one. How many times they went to shit as well. Honestly, if I can make a go of it here with my godawful track record, so can you.” For a first time, I see a hint of what my mirror showed me. He’s suddenly just as uncertain. “I’ve never been a mentor before.” He crosses his heart. “I promise I’ll do everything I can to help you dodge my pitfalls.”

I don’t intend to spill my guts then, but here I go and all because someone I barely know wants to try hard for me.

“I don’t want you to get the blame if I mess this up.” I’ve been there before and trust me, I can just about live with my own mistakes, but make mistakes that affect other people? That’s what I wrote down last week in a garden while blackbirds sang a second, third, and fourth song—that I’d been out of my depth and drowning, but I’d never stopped being sorry.

Now Charles sits beside me, laying out all the ways this chance is different, and I so want to believe him.

“Luke and I have drawn up a plan for you.” He grins. “I hope you like glue and glitter. You’ll have plenty of time to get to know the school inside out. Get used to our ways and our children by covering the playground duties and the evening prep sessions. Of course, you must know all about prep sessions if you’ve already got boarding school experience like Luke told me. Where did you go?”

I tell him, and he sucks his teeth. “I know it. Always top of the exam charts? It’s an Oxbridge feeder, right? High pressure and uber strict on behaviour?”

I nod. It was all of that and more.

“Well, Glynn Harber is about as far from that kind of hothouse as you can get.” He squints. “And yet you didn’t bring any of that with you to my classroom. Not even a scrap, but you managed the children beautifully. Where did you learn to do that?”

“With my Mum. I saw her teach a lot of music lessons in different places. And I learned with my little cousins. I don’t think all Catholic families have big families these days, but there were a lot of them. Crowd control was half the battle.” I draw in a steadying breath and gesture at the building visible through my windscreen. I don’t know why this comes out so faintly. “I’m really here?”

“You really are,” Charles promises firmly. “Because what did I tell you to hold on to?” That card printed with hope is tucked inside my phone case. I show him, and he grins. “Perfect! Now let me show you where you’ll be staying. Don’t park. We’ll drive round.”

He guides me to the rear of the school. I pull up in a courtyard where he says, “Welcome to the stables. Hugo and I used to share them.” He gets out and grabs my bags while I gather my instrument cases. “It was a very lucky place for my love life.” He touches a horseshoe nailed above the doorway. “Maybe you’ll get as lucky here as I did.”

I don’t know what he sees next, but I guess he’s been paired with me because he misses nothing. He also makes leaps I don’t know how to react to, and here’s a perfect example. “Oh! You already have someone special.”

That isn’t a question. It isn’t my reality either, and yet I don’t shake my head right away and he tilts his own while squinting again.

“Or there’s someone you’d like to be special? Just make sure to always lock this door if you have company.” He waggles his eyebrows. “Luke has a built-in nookie sensor. He must do, the number of times he’s caught me with my pants down.” He abruptly sets down my bags, no longer joking. “Oh, God. My big mouth. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” Because of course plenty of people have caught the same view of me with my pants nowhere in sight. “I was kidding.” He quickly adds, “But I did mean what I said about easing you in here. You really will have plenty of time off for the first few weeks between helping me and your supervision duties.” He’s more explicit. “Plenty of time to get away if you have a special girl waiting at home.” Now he’s breezy. “Or a special person. Just be aware, there can’t be any overnight stays for anyone without full clearance.”

I repeat what I told myself on the way here, nudging my glasses up my nose like that will make this even clearer. “I don’t have time.” I get honest, aiming for just as breezy as him. “Not for a boyfriend.” I’ve got just over five weeks before Luke wants a final decision about that trauma training. “I need to stay focussed.”

“Well, no one will distract you here. You’ll have the place all to yourself.” Charles unlatches the door and carries my bags into a cosy interior, its ceilings crisscrossed with old beams. It’s rustic and a little dusty. “No one else will need a bed here until the summer break, when some more of our new starters arrive for pre-teacher training with Reece.”

That’s the counsellor Luke mentioned. The one I need to share with if I want to stay here.

What if I still can’t do it?

There are initials carved into thick beams holding up this old, converted stable, and that’s what I want as well—to leave my mark somewhere, only for good reasons for once.

I want that so much, it must show.

Charles sets down the bags to clasp my shoulder. “Or maybe you should move into the Rectory with us instead of being all alone here. There’s plenty of room as long as you don’t mind noisy babies. My Adam is an actual monster.” He seems pretty happy about that. “Think about it while I show you the rest of the school. We can have a good mooch in all of the classrooms now that they’re empty for the weekend.”

He does that as soon as I’ve looked around my living quarters, although his first stop isn’t far from my new front door under its lucky horseshoe. Another horseshoe hangs above a door further along the long run of stable buildings, although this end is shrouded with scaffolding.

Charles takes the path beside it. “Make the most of the peace and quiet. After the library rebuild, this part of the stables is next on Luke’s conversion hit list.”

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