Page 40 of Second Song

I kiss him, and Liam muscles me back against the wall, his hand around both of us, and so what if the gates to this garden get locked with us still inside it?

I know someone who can demolish walls and rebuild them.

15

ROWAN

Charles eases my first nervous week in his classroom, although to be honest, we spent precious little time inside it. He props open the doors to his outdoor space when the children arrive every morning and then sits on the edge of the sandpit, watching.

Like him, I learn to sit and pay attention. By the middle of the week, I’ve seen enough to start asking questions. “You really don’t have a detailed lesson plan for each session?”

“Yes and no. I prefer to have a little think every evening and a look through their learning journeys, so I can follow their interests and go off-piste if I need to.” He gathers equipment from his supply cupboard while I follow. “Like now. I think someone wriggly could do with some extra movement.” He crouches beside Asa who, exactly as he predicted, does have ants in his pants. Or a big case of the wriggles, as Charles calls it. “Asa, would you like to choose a song for Mr. Byrn to play so we can dance?”

And that’s what the whole class does before starting their day’s work, dancing to a medley of their favourite theme tunes and some old nursery-school classics. I end with The Grand Old Duke of York that Charles asks me to play slowly at first, then faster. “See?” he asks me later when Asa is engrossed in a counting game, waiting his turn without too many fidgets. “All of that marching and dancing wasn’t in the lesson plan, but now his head and his hands are connected, and he’s got enough impulse control for learning.” He eyes me. “What else do you notice?”

This doesn’t feel like a test. None of his questions have so far. I’ve stopped expecting to be tripped up, which makes guessing feel less risky. “He’s still fidgeting?”

“Yes. What with?”

“That car he’s holding.” Asa is in a group of children testing speed and force and other laws of physics with one of the plank bridges on an incline. “He hasn’t stopped spinning its tyres.” A penny drops for me. “That’s why you left cars there, so there would be moving parts for him to mess with.”

“And over there.” He points to a set of pastry wheels in the mud kitchen. “And there.” A craft project involves making windmills, Asa’s contribution already spinning in the breeze, painted the same sky blue as that chalk line Charles drew for him. “Because movement helps regulates emotion, but I think you already know that.” He tilts his head, and I look down to see what he’s noticed.

“Oh.” I stop fingering a silent tune on my old whistle, setting it down on the edge of the sandpit between us, suddenly self-conscious.

“Don’t stop. Fiddling is so useful.” He nudges it back towards me while describing what also fits for my first few days in his classroom. “Feeling a bit nervous? Calm down by doing a little tippy-tapping. That’s so much better than telling a child like Asa to do the impossible instead of helping him be successful. Because that’s what I’m really planning for. Not for a single lesson, but for the rest of all of his life to be just that. Successful, right?” He tilts his head to the classroom supply cupboard. “I wonder what other fiddly things you can find to help him with that?”

I keep that in mind while rooting through boxes and when we sit around the sandpit later making a song out of everything the children plan to do at the weekend, Asa doesn’t only bang an old tambourine. He gets to listen to his friends’ lyrics without interrupting, all while fiddling with the tambourine’s shiny jingles.

Applause comes from behind us once we’re finished, my new boss there at the fence, watching.

“Nicely done, Rowan.” That’s all Luke murmurs before leaving, but it only takes hearing three positive words from a headmaster to help my first week take off and fly—a week full of my own brand-new lyrics.

Make them feel successful twines through each session. Through each evening too with Teo when we share the practice rooms—me sorting through cupboards on the hunt for things for the little ones to make noise with while Teo bangs and crashes. I head back there on Friday at lunchtime to hunt for another tambourine or two, only to stop before entering because he got here before me.

He doesn’t hear my hello. He’s too intent on drumming again, only for an audience of one on his phone. I hear faint applause when Teo finishes a much more competent-sounding solo that ends with a familiar and funky half-time shuffle. “Yeah, my audition file is sounding better, Cam.” His voice is deeper than usual. “Sir’s been showing me some tricks. And he’s got better recording software than me.”

In another first, I get to witness Teo smile like he really means it and I get to feel a ripple of pride as if I had a hand in making it happen. It’s also the second time I don’t hear Luke coming.

“He’s probably catching up with Cameron,” Luke murmurs again from beside me. “Let’s leave him to it.” He extends an invitation. “Walk and talk with me?” He’s said this every day so far, and I do. It’s so much easier to share with him while walking. I’m relaxed enough now to ask my own questions.

“Cameron is…?” I know I’ve heard the name before.

“Our art master’s nephew. Ferociously talented artist.” He chuckles. “Ferocious, full stop. He’s away in?—”

“France. On a project with refugee children?”

“That’s right. We’re partnered with a charitable foundation.” Luke glances back at the main school building, drumbeats fading as we leave it behind and head uphill together. “Cameron being away has left Teo with a lot of time on his hands. That’s hopefully highlighted two things that he’s been avoiding.”

“Like?”

“Like the fact that he’s held back from making any friends apart from Cameron, which is one of the reasons I okayed the French trip.”

“You wanted him to be lonely?”

Luke doesn’t answer, giving me the time to come to another conclusion. “Oh. Because you wanted him to make more friends of his own.”

“Yes. The world can be a lonely place, even when you’re surrounded by people.” He doesn’t need to tell me that. “Leaving here with a friendship group is one of my key measures of success.” There’s that success word again. “Teo’s facing loneliness right now, but the fact is that the next school year will be even lonelier for him without Cameron if he doesn’t connect with more of his peer group.”

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