Page 65 of Second Song

“I’m only better than you right now because I’ve had years to practise.”

I want to video this moment and force everyone at his old school to watch it and to hear what follows.

“I had nothing else to do every weekend and evening.” He nudges that football with one of the drumsticks. It rolls, falling from the bench, to where Teo catches it in an easy foot stall. “Trust me, I’d much rather have been playing footy with friends.”

I’m pretty sure that’s stretching the truth. He knows about Matt and all the other mates I’ve staved off seeing, like Twin Two and Neck Brace. How many friends has Rowan ever mentioned?

None.

Not a single soul has stuck by him.

Teo ends up in a game of keepy-uppy with the same kid whose question set him off like a rocket, all while Rowan taps out rapid drumrolls. That draws more children to this corner of the playground. Teo juggles the ball from foot to foot while Rowan drums up a crescendo every time he kicks the ball high, and this boy’s got long legs as well as that long reach, so you know he makes it fly to applause and laughter.

He dips his head, but even from up here, I can tell he’s happy. That’s what Rowan can’t hide, either. It’s right there in him going all out, thundering away on a drum kit improvised from a bench at first until someone shoves a metal water bottle his way. Another student adds a lunch box, and that’s all he needs to show off what he must usually keep on the down low.

“Wow,” Luke breathes softly, like he’s never seen this skill level, this percussive magic that ends with a finale including a bucket Charles brings over that Rowan flips upside down one-handed while still making music, and I have no idea how he can do that and catch the stick he tossed up.

Teo holds up his phone, capturing that final flourish, I assume, and a flying drumstick move that Rowan repeats only to catch it again without missing a beat or even looking.

Teo whoops, a noise other students join in with, and Rowan?

He looks like he’s been struck by lightning, and who gives a fuck that I should avoid loud noises or that tinnitus means we shouldn’t be this well suited? I’m nowhere near ready to stop listening to him.

Another request drifts up. “Can I show this to my friend, sir?”

Rowan must agree—Teo still has his head bent over his phone when I peer out to see Rowan slipping away from the attention. He avoids this spotlight, already heading off across the playground so he doesn’t get to hear Teo’s next response to a question. His reply is the opposite of his earlier aggressive, and who knows if that’s down to applause for his football tricks or Rowan’s drumming.

“Mr. Byrn? Yeah, he’s decent.” Teo’s so, so hopeful. “Wish he was staying.”

Me too.

I’m better with hammers and chisels than with hearts and flowers. Better still with demolitions, but I haven’t forgotten that rebuilds were part of my old life, and that’s all I have left to bargain with so that Rowan gets to stay where he’s valued.

“Keep Row right here.” I face a man who has to see how much I want that for him. “Keep him, and I’ll rebuild that bridge for you.”

26

ROWAN

I carry a brand-new chorus across the playground. A different drumbeat. A melody with lyrics I wish I had the balls to bellow because I know this place now and its acoustics—know how sound carries, and that not only hammer blows and music get amplified here.

I am too.

I feel solid instead of wispy, less hazy even with that fog bank in my past, and drumming isn’t the only reason for feeling this grounded. What Noah said is another.

You were wicked brave.

Charles has to notice what that does to me when he takes back his bucket. “Hello, Mr. Happy. Now, how about you make good use of all those feel-good endorphins by?—”

I head off this conversation. “Stop making excuses for me to see Liam.” Because that’s been the real purpose of all his errands, and we both know it. “You don’t need to. I’ll see him when…” I don’t actually know when. Between helping Charles and my stand-in duties, my timetable is almost full until the weekend. “He doesn’t have time for interruptions. He’s got work to finish.”

“Exactly.” Charles turns serious. It’s a startling transformation, a grinning golden retriever turned protective sheepdog circling his herd. “He’s going to finish soon, Rowan. Very soon, according to Austin, who heard it straight from Dom. Your Liam will be done by Friday, and then he’ll…” He digs a tooth into his lip. “What will he do? Move on again?”

“Yes?”

I shouldn’t sound this uncertain. He mentioned an offer of a big project in York, didn’t he? One that would keep him busy for months. I heard him turn it down before we… Before we became more. Did he only postpone it? “I’m not exactly sure of his plans beyond another trip to Blackpool at the weekend.” And I’m not sure if I fit into any of those plans going forward.

But I want to.

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