Page 67 of Second Song

I grip the door handle at what sounds like him wanting the same as me, and there’s no need to check a card or my reflection to name this feeling.

I’m so fucking happy.

Liam isn’t done yet in more ways than one. He makes a second offer. “And you won’t need to find any cash in your budget. At least, you won’t for my labour or overtime for Dom’s crew.” Here he goes straightening up so he stands even taller. “I… Uh… I’ve got a specialist crew of my own.” It isn’t tough to describe what crosses his face. The moment he says, “Pretty sure they’d help me,” I see it clear as crystal.

He isn’t so sure of that.

Liam hasn’t finished speaking, and fuck knows how he straightens even further. “But first, I need to take a look at the project, so…?”

Luke asks, “You really have the time to stay for an extra week?”

Liam’s glance flicks to me, and I don’t have to think before nodding.

Luke acknowledges that I’m in the doorway. “Rowan.” He checks his watch. “Is it that time already?” He means for one of our regular catchups.

“No. I wanted to ask you about something different. It can wait.”

Luke says the same thing as usual. “Let’s walk and talk.”

All three of us do that together as far as the outdoor playground. That’s where I trip—not over my feet, for once. I stutter over asking, “Th-that training you mentioned.” I don’t name it while Liam is right there listening. I can hardly compare losing a contest to actual PTSD, can I?

Thank fuck Luke is perceptive. All of his stern lines soften. “You’d like to meet Reece?” Perhaps he second-guesses that use of like. “You’re ready for that training conversation?”

Ready still feels like a stretch, but I’m surrounded by people who make trying harder seem worth it.

I want to nod.

I want to.

Instead, I wage a one-man battle right here in a school playground, fighting to find my voice and failing.

He must see that. “No pressure,” Luke promises. “Reece will be back from France soon. Even by Saturday, maybe. It might be easier to make a decision once you meet him. You’ll like him.” He pauses one more time. “I’ll need you to keep up the staffing ratio over the half-term break in case the others are delayed. After that…”

He’ll need a definitive answer.

He heads off then, cutting across the playground to the edge of the woods where the footpath starts. The bell rings, lunchtime ending, and children line up at the gate. I let them in before closing the gate between me and Liam.

He doesn’t take that as a signal to go. Not yet, and I’m hot under the collar at this much scrutiny, at this much interest in me. I’m even hotter when Liam still doesn’t leave after the bell rings again. He does turn to see Luke across the playground, waiting. “You need to go.” He still doesn’t do that. If anything, he reaches for me, and I lean in, only it isn’t me that Liam grasps.

It’s my lanyard.

He reads a brand-new sticker that Charles must have added before sending me on another go-talk-to-him errand. He reads it. “‘I listened to my teacher.’” Liam’s ghost smile flickers, his gaze rising, and all I see is concern, plain and simple. “What did your teacher tell you to do, Row? To go ask your boss for extra training?” He frowns, but this isn’t his real one, and I don’t know when I learned to tell the difference. “Hope it’s for a health and safety course. Is that why you hesitated? You like living on the edge too much? Not ready to stop winning stupid prizes? How about you listen to your teacher even harder?” He murmurs, “Fuck knows I’d sleep better.”

He’d freak if he knew Charles actually encourages me to chase danger—to welcome stormy feelings if that means lightning might strike for a second time here.

Even now, Charles calls the children inside, and doors that have been propped wide open all morning close. I turn at the sound of that click to see he’s huffed on one of the glass panes to draw another love heart that I quickly look away from, and here I go, tripping all over again to change the subject. “Y-you’re not sleeping any better? You don’t look as tired.”

“Better?” Liam shrugs. “Not saying brown noise and fiddling with app settings is anything close to a cure, but a change is as good as a rest. That Teo… he’s a smart kid.” He still holds my lanyard, and I’m aware of movement in the periphery of my vision, but maybe Liam is too. He doesn’t pull me closer, even if it looks as if he wants to. Instead, he turns to see what I also notice—Luke is still waiting for him.

Liam does ask a quiet question before heading off to join him. “You really okay with me sticking around for longer?”

Okay with it?

I can’t make myself say yes to that trauma training. Not yet. Maybe never if I still can’t find words. But getting to keep Liam for a whole week longer?

Saying yes to that is easy.

He smiles, not before looking at my mouth like he’d kiss it if we didn’t have an audience, but that’s what the prospect of his old crew also raises—an audience I don’t know how to prepare for.

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