Page 104 of Dad Next Door

Until now.

“It was different for both of us,” Dad said. “For me it was little things that started to add up that I couldn’t ignore. How everything made me think of him or reminded me of something we’d done together. Thinking he looked nice when he’d put on a suit or a new shirt. Getting jealous when he talked about his dating life. What really made me question things was when I started feeling a little thrill whenever he’d walk in the room or I’d see his name on my call ID. I’d never felt anything like that for a friend before, or really anyone.”

I nodded slowly, taking every word in. My dad hadn’t really dated when I was a kid. I had some vague memories of him going out on a few dates here and there, but he’d stayed single until he and Pops had gotten together.

He told me it was because he’d been focused on being a dad and hadn’t felt like anything was missing from his life. The same as I’d felt until Tristan.

“For me it was a bit more obvious.” Pops ran his finger over the rim of his mug. “I got the same butterflies when he’d walk into the room, and I was constantly thinking about him and looking forward to the next time we could see each other or even just talk on the phone. But there was one incident that made it obvious that I was feeling more for him than just friendship.”

“What happened? Or is this one of those stories I’d rather not know?”

Pops chuckled. “It’s nothing like that. I had a dream about him—and not a dirty one. In the dream, we were cuddling on my old couch and watching a movie together. I woke up, and instead of thinking ‘That was a strange dream to have about my friend,’ I couldn’t stop thinking about how natural it had seemed. That evolved into wondering about how it would feel to cuddle with him, and eventually wanting to do it. That was my aha moment that I had romantic feelings for him and was attracted to him.”

They exchanged another look. “Does this have anything to do with your neighbor?” Dad asked.

“Yeah.” I scrubbed my hand over my face. “I know I haven’t really said much about what’s going on, but we’ve been dating for the past few months.”

“Is it going well?”

“It’s great. And that’s the problem.”

They exchanged another look.

“I’m just really confused. Figuring out I like him wasn’t confusing. Well, once I realized I really was attracted to him and wasn’t just being a shitty actor.”

“We might need a bit of context for that one,” Dad said.

I filled them in on the fake date that turned into a very real one. I’d told them about becoming friends with Tris and mentioned we were seeing each other but hadn’t told them much else.

“I guess the thing that’s confusing me is I don’t know what I feel for him. I can’t quantify it in any meaningful way.”

“What’s confusing you?” Dad asked.

“Everything.” I snort-laughed and sipped my tea. “I like him, and not just that, I really like him. He’s… He’s everything. But I’ve never been in an adult relationship. Never been in love. I never even considered that could be a possibility for me. But now I’m with him, and I have no idea if what I’m feeling is so strong because he’s my best friend, or if it’s romantic love. How did you know you loved each other?”

“There wasn’t one moment for me,” Pops said. “Nothing that made me go ‘Holy shit, I love him’ or anything. It was more that I couldn’t imagine my life without him. And I didn’t want to. Every time I thought about my future, he was right there by my side. I loved him as a friend long before I realized I was also in love with him.”

“I had that holy shit moment,” Dad whispered. “It was right after we got the news about Corbyn.”

Pops squeezed Dad’s thigh. Corbyn had been one of my dad’s closest friends growing up who’d been killed in action while on deployment in Iraq when I was thirteen.

“I was sitting at home looking through my old yearbook and reminiscing about the past when I was hit with the most intense feeling of dread. Like a panic attack, but only in my head. All I could think was, what if something happened to Patrick? What if I never got a chance to tell him I love him? That’s when I knew he was it for me.” Dad put his mug down on the coffee table. “Loving your best friend is the most amazing thing in the world. And it’s also the scariest.”

My breath hitched. That was exactly how I felt when I thought about being in love with Tristan.

“It’s amazing because you’ve found someone who gets you. The person who makes you happy and who you want to see happy. Someone who makes your world better just by being in it. But it’s terrifying because what if you lose it? What if the romantic feelings fade, or were never really there, and you lose your partner and your best friend over a mistake?”

“That’s it exactly. I don’t want to ruin things by mistaking deep affection for love. He means too much to me to risk it.”

“Can I say something?” Pops asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, always.”

“The hardest part about understanding what was going on between your dad and me wasn’t realizing I loved him. It was taking the leap from friendship to more that I really struggled with because I didn’t want to ruin the best friendship I’d ever had. Once that happened and we realized we were attracted to each other, everything else was easy. Being with him was easy and felt right.

“Coming out as queer men who had previously identified as straight wasn’t easy. Trying to blend our families as two single dads in the eyes of society, also not easy. But once I realized what I felt for him was love, it never occurred to me that I could fall out of love with him. Our relationship was rock solid because it was built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect, and adding love to it only made it stronger.”

I mulled that over for a few beats.

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