Page 33 of Redemption

My mother looks down at her phone. “He just texted me. He’s at the school now, trying to find Beck. He said it’s a bit chaotic over there.”

“Maybe I should try calling him again.”

She shakes her head. “Your dad’s been trying, but he’s not having any luck either. Don’t worry, honey. He’ll find him any minute now.”

A middle-aged woman walks into the room, rolling a cart with a monitor and keyboard on it.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Morris. I hear you’re having some bleeding. I’m just going to do a quick ultrasound to take a look at the baby and see what’s going on.” She gestures to my mom. “Is it okay for her to be in the room? I need to lift your gown over your belly.”

“It’s fine,” I say. “She’s my mom.”

The woman nods and turns the monitor on. My mother gasps when the doctor lifts my gown and tucks it under my breasts. I know she’s looking at the evidence of my pregnancy, wondering how she missed such a telltale sign. My bump is small, but it’s pretty apparent there’s a baby inside of me. She’s probably connecting the dots in her head, just now realizing how many of Beck’s T-shirts I’ve been wearing lately.

Dr. Morris squirts some cold blue jelly over my stomach and spreads it around with a wand. The screen is black at first before it slowly transitions to something comprehensible. In the middle of a black oval is a distorted image of the baby. I know he or she is still really tiny, but all of the parts are formed into this tiny little human. My mom squeezes my hand as tears silently crawl down my face. The doctor’s face pinches with concern as she moves the wand around.

“Is something wrong?” I ask her.

“You said you were sixteen weeks?”

“Yes, exactly sixteen today,” I confirm. “My due date is November first.”

“The baby measures a little small.” She punches a few buttons on the keyboard, and the screen switches to another view. “Let’s check the heartbeat.”

The doctor frowns as two thick white lines shoot across the screen. She punches a few more buttons and turns a dial before removing the wand from my abdomen and wiping the gel off my skin. I already know what she’s going to say when I see the look in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, sweetie. There’s no heartbeat.”

A high-pitched keening sound echoes throughout the small room. It takes me a moment to realize it’s coming from me.

My mom hovers over the exam bed and wraps me in her arms. “Shh, Presley, I’ve got you, baby. Shh…”

“I’ll give you two a few moments, and I’ll be back to answer any questions you might have.”

“Why, Mom?” I ask, as the doctor leaves the room. “Why did this happen?”

“I don’t know, honey. I don’t know. Sometimes, it just happens.”

I grab on to her like she’s my lifeline. She strokes my hair and whispers soothing words, just holding me as I mourn the loss of my child. Of the beautiful future Beck and I have planned out. God, how can this happen? I’m in my second trimester. Everything’s supposed to be okay after you make it to the second trimester.

“It’s not fair,” I sob.

“I know, sweetheart.” My mom’s sentence is choked off by her own sob.

After a while, the doctor comes back in telling me that I’ll need to have a minor procedure because I’m so far along. The whole time I listen to her talk about why miscarriages happen and what to expect in the next few days, I ask myself where Beck is. Why isn’t he here by now? I need him more than I ever have, and he’s nowhere to be found.

“The room is yours for as long as you’d like,” Dr. Morris says. “Take all the time you need. We’ll call you when we’ve scheduled the D&C, but you call us if you have any questions beforehand. Okay, Presley?”

I sniff. “Okay.”

My mom hasn’t let go once—she’s rocking me from side to side like she used to do when I was a little girl.

“Has Daddy responded yet?”

She pulls away from me to dig her phone out of her purse. “Your dad found Beck, and they’re on their way. They should be here any minute, actually.”

She’s typing a message to my father as I lie curled on my side, staring at the wall. A few moments later, there’s a light knock on the door, so my mom jumps out of her chair to open it. I can make out my father’s voice in their hushed conversation, but I don’t bother moving from my position. After the door clicks shut, soft footsteps approach, and I breathe a sigh of relief that Beck has finally made it.

He crouches down beside me and pushes some hair away from my face. “Pres, darlin’, are you okay?”

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