Page 16 of Irresistible Second Chance

“You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

He nodded, “You’re right.”

Time crawled by as we waited for Santos to return. We were lucky that the mosquitoes weren’t trying to eat us alive, and the canopy of trees overhead kept most of the heat away.

“If he isn’t back in ten minutes, I’m carrying you down myself.”

“I would fight you the whole way.”

“You’re incapacitated. I would win.”

He was right, but I loved to argue with him. I could be as stubborn and imperfect as I wanted to be when I was with him. He knew me well. He knew all the ugly parts of my personality and all the soft parts too. I didn’t do vulnerability very well, as he knew. But I didn’t mind being vulnerable around him.

“Chris,” I found myself saying. “I’m sorry I haven’t kept in touch over the years.”

“It’s no biggie, Syd. You had your life. I had mine.”

“I know but…It’s really no excuse. You were my best friend.”

“We grew up, life changed, we lost touch. You have nothing to apologize for.”

There was a lot more to it than just that, but I was grateful that he didn’t want to rehash the past and rub it in my face. “Well, thank you for being here for me…I appreciate it more than you know.”

He nodded, and then looked at me, staring into my eyes, “Everything else is in the past, right? All that matters is that I’m here when it counts, right?”

His words made me take in a breath sharply. He was using my words against me. Ten years ago, I’d told him that he couldn’t be there for me like I needed him to be. I’d said that he wouldn’t be there when it really counted. And the hurt in his eyes, I wouldn’t forget.

“How could you say that?” he said to me that night. “I’ve always been there for you, Sydney, always.”

“But that’s all going to change, Chris,” I said.

“Why?”

“Because you’re leaving! You’re going to be traveling the world, going from city to city. You won’t have time for this…for us.”

“You’re making excuses, if you want to break up, just say it.”

I remember the tears that streamed down my face then, “I just think it’ll be for the best.”

He had looked angry. The angriest I had ever seen him. “So that’s it then? You’re breaking up with me.” He shook his head and said wryly, “This was supposed to be the best night of my life. This is my future, Sydney. And I thought you wanted to be part of it.”

“I do—” I cried, “But just not like this. We’ll always be friends though.” That sounded shallow even to my own ears.

“No, I don’t think so.” He’d left me standing outside the restaurant and went back in to his family and friends. I had stood there, wondering what to do next. I’d felt so sick inside that I wanted to throw up, but I didn’t know what else to do. Chris was going to the majors. He didn’t need a small-town girlfriend holding him back. At least, that’s what I told myself when I said the words that broke his and my heart into two. It had taken so much courage to plaster a smile on my face and go back in to celebrate. He had avoided looking in my direction and I stayed strategically across the room.

That night as he hugged everyone goodbye, I was surprised when he sought me out and wrapped me in his arms. I let him, holding back tears because I didn’t want to let him go but I felt I had to.

“I want you to be happy,” he said against my ear. “Even if that means not being with me.”

That last part hurt me more than he knew, and when he turned and walked away, I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart and robbed of my future. But it had ultimately been my doing. My idea. I would be lying to say I didn’t think about what could have happened if I hadn’t been playing safe with my heart. But what was between Chris and I had scared me at the time. Things had been so intense between us and had moved so fast that even our parents hadn’t known we were involved. Not that my mom would have noticed anyway, around the time Chris and I had gotten together, she had started drinking again.

Thoughts of my mom brought me back to the present. I didn’t like to think about her. “Do you hear that?”

It was definitely the sound of a vehicle approaching. And within minutes Santos was there in a truck so tiny, I found it hard to believe it actually moved, let alone could drive you anywhere.

“Back of the truck to stretch out or inside?” Chris asked me, helping me stand up on my feet.

“Inside,” I said. I didn’t want to bump my leg on anything and hurt it even more.

---