Page 44 of Irresistible Second Chance

I ignored him and started to get dressed, avoiding his eyes completely.

“Why’d you freak out about the apartment?”

“”I didn’t freak out.”

“You practically jumped out the shower when I mentioned it.”

“I had something in my eye.”

He sighed, “Just talk to me, Syd. We’re adults. Just tell me the truth. Do you want me around or not?”

“If you want the apartment, get the apartment. It just sounds like a waste of money since you’re rarely here.”

“That’s just it. I want to change that. I’ve been thinking of making this my homebase.”

“You’re thinking of moving back?” I wasn’t surprised.

He nodded, “How do you feel about that?”

“It has nothing to do with me.”

“Stop playing games, Syd. You know it has everything to do with you.”

My heart was beating hard in my chest, and I strangely felt like I couldn’t breathe. I knew the next words out of my mouth would determine what happened next between us.

“If you want to get an apartment, get an apartment,” I said then looked away, “Just don’t do it for me.”

“So, you don’t see this going anywhere?”

“What do you mean?” I knew exactly what he meant. I started putting my shoes on. “We’re friends enjoying each other’s company. We don’t have to complicate things.”

“Things are always complicated between us, Syd.”

“Well, they don’t have to be. Listen, I don’t want to do this Chris. Not now. I don’t feel up to this.”

“You don’t feel up to being honest with me about how you feel?”

“I am being honest.”

“Then answer me this, Syd, do you want a commitment or not? Do you want a real relationship with me or not?”

I opened my mouth to say that we did have a real relationship when he cut me off. “And no this whole friends with benefits situation we have going on here isn’t a real relationship.”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” I said.

“The truth.”

“You want the truth?” I bit out, suddenly angry and feeling like a cat backed into a corner. I let out my claws, “The truth is I don’t know what I want. And you can’t force me to just know. You can’t just snap your fingers, uproot your life and expect me to do the same. You want an apartment here? You want to make this your home base? Fine. Good luck. But don’t base that decision on whether or not I want to be with you.”

He looked at me as if I had just slapped him. “So that’s it then?”

I sighed and walked towards his door; he grabbed my arm. “Come on, Syd. Don’t walk away.”

I shrugged off his hand, “I don’t know what I want. Mark wants us to get back together. You want a commitment. I just feel like I’m being pulled in different directions.”

“You got to be kidding me,” he spit out. “You’re not seriously thinking about getting back with that asshole.”

“Chris, I don’t know what I want. I just think I need some space.” As soon as I said that, I instantly regretted it.

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