Page 50 of Irresistible Second Chance

“Fine, go. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m being ridiculous! You’re their mother! You’re supposed to protect them and instead you’re just setting them up to get their little hearts broken. And then mom will ruin their lives like she ruined mine!”

“Wow...I can’t believe you said that,” her eyes began to fill up with tears.

Instantly, I felt bad. I had let my temper get the best of me and I had said something that I immediately regretted.

“I always put my kids’ well-being ahead of my own. I would never do anything to hurt them.”

She turned and walked towards my door. I rushed to stop her, “Starr, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that. I was just upset.”

“You know, you always make it sound like Mom is such a villain and that you’re just trying to protect me from her, but you’ve never given a shit about me, Sydney. Growing up, all you did was ignore me. You know how alone I felt every time Mom left. And you just shut your room door and pretended that everything was okey dokey. I needed you and you just shut me out--”

Now my eyes filled with tears. I hadn’t known she felt that way. “Starr, I’m sorry. I didn’t know---”

“The only person’s feelings you stop to think about are your own. You’ve been like that our whole lives! So fine, stay here in your empty house, safe from having to deal with anyone’s feelings but your own! Enjoy your evening!”

With that she marched out and slammed my door so hard that the table in the entry way rattled. Part of me wanted to go after her and the other part of me wanted to scream at her for leaving me. Maybe she was right...maybe everything was all about me.

I sat down on the floor and cried loud, messy sobs. I was grateful I didn’t have neighbors close by because I knew I was carrying on like a crazy woman. I was angry with Starr because she was right. Every time Mom left all I wanted to do was protect my own feelings. I just buried my emotions and distanced myself from Starr and Dad. I didn’t think about the loneliness Starr must have felt, especially being so young and not really understanding what was going on. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me that just maybe she needed me during those hard times. And maybe that’s why when she became an adult, she looked for Mom and bonded with her even more. What other choice had she had?Dad was amazing, and Chris’ parents had been a great help, but in the end, I had never been there for my sister...at least not in any way that had counted.

My mind returned yet again to what I had said to Chris the night that we broke up. Hadn’t I accused him of not being able to be there for me? Hadn’t that been why I broke up with him? But crap, he had needed me then too. And I had left him in his proudest and most vulnerable moment. And he had forgiven me. He didn’t hold grudges. He was always the better person. I didn’t know how to be better.

I made myself stand up and go wash my face and blow my nose. I looked terrible. As I made my way back into the living room, I was about to sit down on the couch when I heard a knock at the door.

I jumped up, hoping it was Starr. I would fix things. I would apologize. I just wanted us to be OK again. I needed her in my life. I didn’t want her to shut me out because I was stupid and selfish and---

I opened the door and stared, “Mark, what are you doing here?”

“I came by to get the toaster oven.”

“Oh my God,” I said, “I completely forgot.”

“Are you ok?” he asked, frowning. “Have you been...” he hesitated, “Crying?” He’d never seen me cry before.

“No,” I lied and then suddenly I couldn’t pretend any longer and a barrage of emotions came flooding out as tears. “Actually yes, I’m crying.”

To my surprise, he took me into his arms and began to rock me back and forth like a little baby. It was strangely soothing and also just strange. I went to pull away when his lips crushed down on mine. In shock, I just stood there, and then just as suddenly as it happened it was over.

He stroked my cheek and said, “Are all these tears for me? Of course, I’ll take you back.”

My eyes widened, was he really that arrogant?

To my horror, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a car that looked strangely liked Chris’ car and as it drove away, I recognized the license plate. I was detail oriented. I couldn’t help myself. It was Chris and I knew he must have just seen what Mark did.

I reached behind me and picked up the only thing I had within reach, a flowerpot, and slammed in down near Mark’s foot.

He bounced away, nearly falling off the porch looking confused and frightened.

“What is wrong with you?” I roared. “How dare you think I would get this upset over you?!”

He backed away with his hands up, “Hey, calm down, I was just trying to comfort you.”

“By putting your cheating lips on mine! You cheating cheater!” I was so mad that I couldn’t come up with a better insult.

“Take your toaster oven and get out of here!” I pushed the toaster oven out the door and it rolled down my front steps and landed with a loud thud. I’m pretty sure it was broken now, but I didn’t care.

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