Page 57 of Roommate
“They don’t want me to be gay,” I add, just in to clear up any ambiguities.
“I don’t see how that’s up to them,” she says, her face full of understanding. “I’m so sorry, honey.”
Now I feel like a drama queen. “No, it’s fine. Just putting that out there so you won’t greet them on Sunday and expect a friendly response about me.”
She flinches. “Not everyone at church feels that way. God doesn’t make mistakes.”
“Good to know,” I say quickly, because I need to parachute out of this conversation. For Kieran’s sake, I hope the whole Shipley clan shares Ruth’s viewpoint. Kieran deserves better than what I get at home.
Everyone does.
* * *
I listen to some fiddle songs and consider my departure. Kieran is on the other side of the bonfire casting fuck me eyes in my direction. Maybe it’s cowardly of me to avoid him, but what’s the alternative? He and I need to have a conversation, and this is neither the time or place.
As soon as Kieran walks off toward the cider house, I carry my plate into the house and say my goodbyes. “Wonderful party, Ruth,” I say, tucking my plate into the dishwasher. “Thank you for having me.”
“Come back anytime!” she says. “We have a big dinner most Thursdays. Come with Audrey sometime.”
“Sounds like fun.” I make my excuses and slip out into the dark. I head down the gravel drive, away from the music and the party. Seeing as I was the last to arrive, my car is at the end of a long line of pickup trucks.
It’s a long driveway, and I start wondering whether I could be snatched up by a bear or a coyote before I reach my Volkswagen. Bears hibernate, right? So I’m probably safe. Coyotes, though. And are there wolves in Vermont?
Just as I’m thinking these thoughts, a loud hoot erupts from somewhere nearby in the darkness, and I startle violently. “Holy shit,” I curse, hurrying my pace toward the car.
That’s when I see the orange glow of a cigarette. There’s someone leaning against my car. And from the sound of the warm chuckle he lets out, I can tell it’s Kieran.
“Don’t laugh,” I mutter. “I forgot how to be a country boy.”
“Sorry.” His voice is a soft caress, and I hate myself for wanting to roll around in it a little longer.
Telling him to fuck off is going to hurt both of us. “Did you need a ride or something?”
The cigarette moves as he shakes his head.
“Just enjoying a cancer stick against my car?”
“Something like that.”
“You got another one?”
“Think so.” I make out the flash of the wrapper as he pulls a pack out of his pocket. “I took these off my brother.”
“I’ve never seen you smoke before.” He holds a cigarette out, and since my eyes are finally getting used to the dark, I can see well enough to take it.
“Smoking is spendy.” His rugged face is illuminated as he lights my cigarette. “I’m too cheap to get cancer.”
“Same.” My only use for cigarettes these last few years was to give my hands something to do while I waited for Brian to chat up the important people at parties.
I’m not doing that anymore.
“So what’s the story?” Kieran frowns around his cigarette and looks hot doing it. But I will be strong. Celibacy is my new middle name. Roderick Celibacy Waites. It has a nice ring to it. “You’re avoiding me tonight.”
“Maybe a little,” I admit, exhaling into the crisp air. “I mean—I’m flattered that you’re giving me the fuck-me eyes. And I’m glad you’re not freaking out about our little drunken thing last night.”
“Our little drunken thing,” he repeats slowly.
“Yeah, we shouldn’t have done that.”
