Page 82 of Roommate
She looks down at her shoes. “I meant to tell you—we’re going to your aunt Ruth’s for Christmas. She’s invited us all. I’m sure you won’t mind that plan.”
“Not at all,” he says. “Sounds fun.”
“Nice to meet you, Roderick,” she says, recovering her polite face.
“My pleasure.” I give her a small wave.
And then we’re out of there. Kieran is silent until we’re back in the truck and the engine is running. “Fuck,” he says, blowing out a breath. “I’m sorry my father said that thing about dead-end jobs.”
“Oh, I don’t give a crap,” I promise him. “I don’t need your dad’s permission to like my job.”
“I know.” He sighs. “But why can’t people just keep their traps shut?”
“He’s stuck in that chair, counting down to his next pain pill. He can’t do his own job, and he feels super irrelevant.”
“Damn.” Kieran glances at me as he puts the truck into drive. “Accurate. All of it.”
“I’m sorry I was such a goofball talking to your mom. I couldn’t shut up about the whole roommates thing.”
He shrugs. “You were fine. My parents aren’t paying attention, anyway. Nobody in that house ever listens.”
Except you, I privately add. Kieran listens more than he talks. And that house feels full of minefields. I don’t know why, but it’s clearly weighing on him. “Your brother didn’t bail on you after all,” I point out. “So that’s something.”
“Yeah. True.”
“He misses you. Not quite as much as the dog, but…”
Kieran chuckles.
“By the way, Audrey invited me over on Christmas. Is it okay if I come?”
“Sure,” he says, perking up. “Of course you can come. Christmas at their place is much more fun than Christmas here.” He jerks a thumb over his shoulder. “It’s a big party.”
“Cool.” We wind down the dirt driveway toward the main road. And I try to think Christmassy thoughts again. Audrey is making ham, with a million side dishes. I offered to make a Bûche du Noël, which is a Christmas cake shaped and frosted to look like a yule log.
Kieran and I can go there together. Except not really together, and that’s going to eat at me. Even though I understand that Kieran is still just figuring out his sexuality. And I wouldn’t ever pressure someone to come out.
The holidays always bring this stuff into high relief. When I was with Brian, he’d fly home to his parents’ place in Georgia without me. And I’d stay home alone, or go to the movies with a few LGBT friends that I saw a little less often every passing year.
I love the holidays, but they make me broody. And here I am with a fresh Christmas tree in the back of Kieran’s truck, that he cut down just for me. Why can’t I just enjoy it?
Kieran
Two days before Christmas, I have to go to Burlington on our day off. The art school dean wants to give me an interview and a portfolio review before they decide on my application.
So I’m scowling in front of my closet, wondering what the hell a guy wears to something like that. And wondering if I own it.
“Is something wrong?” Roderick asks, entering the room. “You just made a grumpy noise.”
I pluck a white shirt out of the closet. “Is this my nicest button down? You don’t think I’m supposed to wear a tie do you?”
“No tie,” he says lightly, taking the shirt from my hand and holding it up to the light. “This one is fine. But it isn’t the one I’d choose.”
I take a step back from the closet and close my eyes, like a man condemned. “This is why I was just going to audit a class or two. I never asked to be interviewed, for fuck’s sake. Or to submit a portfolio.”
“It was a terrific portfolio,” Rod says, flipping through my shirts.
“But this isn’t just about learning now,” I argue. “It’s paying people to judge me.”
