Page 80 of I'm Your Guy
“He has to want to jump the hump,” Rigo says. “And then hump the rump.”
We both crack up laughing.
When we can breathe again, he shows me his new work. “I’ve got some abstract stuff, of course, and a few of what my gallery rep calls ‘angry landscapes.’ He wants more like this because he says he can sell it.” He pulls a canvas out of the stack to show me. It’s a mountain peak with a moody sky painted above it. The brushstrokes are thick and rough.
“I love it. Show me more?”
There are several in that same series. “You might also like this,” he says, revealing a large canvas that’s a little more zoomed in than the others. It’s a rocky landscape with a cougar staring back at me from left of center. “I watch a lot of hockey. Had cougars on the brain.”
“Cool! Can I take a picture of it?”
“Be my guest,” Rigo says, propping it up on an easel so I can get a good shot. “Feel free to work your magic.”
I’d connected Rigo with a client once before, and he’d sold a painting to her. The cougar painting is very approachable. I’m sure someone will claim it.
“Want to get lunch?” Rigo asks.
“I can’t. Gotta shop for the hot, emotionally unavailable boss.”
Rigo gives me a sad smile. “Hang in there. He might find his way. You never know.”
“You never know,” I echo.
But we both know it’s a long shot. I learned the hard way not to get involved with confused men. It never ends well.
* * *
Shopping improves me. Wandering around buying Christmas decorations for Tommaso is the mood-lifter I didn’t know I needed.
I pick out some wool and glass ornaments in a fair-trade boutique. At Target, I fill my cart with colored lights and pick out some mantle hooks for stockings. And a couple of candles. Since everything is returnable, I buy a couple different stockings for his mom, so he can choose one. And a couple of different stars for the top of the tree.
But what is he going to put in this stocking? I pull out my phone.
Carter
I’m at Target. Stocking stuffers for your mom?
Tommaso
Yes please. But I don’t know what.
Paperback books? A Colorado ornament? Scented candle?
Mystery novels! The darker the better. That’s all we need—I’ll get her favorite candy myself.
On it. Go do the sportsing. Get lots of points or whatever you call them.
Thanks. Could be a highlight reel night. You never know.
I need a highlight reel! Can you picture it? Me, picking the perfect paint color. Testing sofas. Hanging curtains.
I thought we agreed never to talk about curtains again.
Sorry.
Besides I think your highlight reel would be more like a goalie’s. Near misses, you know? Painting over the piss yellow. Steering a client away from the scary wallpaper.
God yes! Pulling the client away from the sofa with built-in cupholders. Hiding those rustic signs that say LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE.
