Page 239 of This Woman Forever

“He does deserve me!” Ava shouts, sounding deranged, the volume and sheer distress making me jump in my seat. I look at Sam and Drew, who are still standing by, waiting for updates or to stop me leaving. “No one gets to pass judgment on him,” she goes on, not letting up. “Except me. He’s mine!”

The words ring in my ear, reverberating and sinking deep. I’m hers. She owns me. Only her judgments matter. Only Ava’s feelings matter. How she cares for me, loves me, sees me—that’s all that matters.

“Did you drug me?” she asks.

“Ava, I would never hurt you.” Van Der Haus’s voice is so soft. So pacifying. It just reaffirms what I always feared. He truly wants her, not just for revenge, but because she’s beautiful, talented, spirited, and driven. “I’ve bought this company for you.”

“You’re consumed with the need for vengeance. You don’t even know me. We’ve shared no intimacy, connection, or special moments. What’s wrong with you?”

“I know a good thing when I see it, and I’m prepared to fight for it.”

Fight? Can’t he see it’s over? Is he going to hang around for me to fuck up again, hoping Ava sees the light and leaves me?

“You’ll be fighting in vain,” Ava says. “And even if you succeed in your attempts to break us, which you never will, you couldn’t have me afterward.”

“Why?”

“Because without him, I’m dead.”

I release the breath I’ve been holding and feel my heart thrash in my chest. Not anxiety. Not fear.

Life.

The doors of John’s Range Rover shut. Has she forgotten I’m here on the end of the phone?

“Jesse?”

What do I say to her? I don’t know, so I leave the line quiet for a while. Stunned. “I don’t deserve you, he’s right.” I clench my chin in my hand, for the first time uncertain whether I agree with myself. “But I’m too selfish to give you up to someone who does.” And that someone isn’t Mikael. But it might be me soon. If I can accept myself. Forgive myself. “We’ll never be broken.” My fucking voice is cracking, God damn me. “And you’ll never be without me, so you’ll be living forever, baby.”

“Deal,” she murmurs, sounding emotional, tired, but at the same, I sense relief.

“I’ll see you in the bath.”

“Deal,” she says again.

I hang up, start the car, and look at the boys. “I’m fine, and I need to get home.”

They both nod, and I buckle up, send Steve a message to let him know I’ll call him later, pulling away calmly to demonstrate my stability. I’ve never felt so stable and, weirdly, a desire to kill Van Der Haus isn’t dominating my emotions.

I pull out of the gates of The Manor, letting the window down, and A Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World comes through the speakers. I laugh lightly at the irony. “True,” I muse, thinking, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my picture of the babies. I smile, setting it on the dashboard so I can look at it often, driving sensibly through the country roads on my way back to the city. Calm. Thoughtful. She’s left her job, she’s all mine, and I will make sure she’s content and fulfilled. Whatever she wants, she can have it. Ironic that after spending the best part of my relationship and marriage to Ava trying to convince her she doesn’t need to work, it’s the fucker who tried to ruin me who made it happen. A weight feels like it’s left my shoulders, despite learning about the threats Ava’s received. She won’t be leaving my sight, and now she doesn’t need to.

My phone starts ringing, cutting the music, and an unknown number illuminates the screen.

Scotland?

I frown and tentatively accept the call. “Jesse Ward.”

“It’s Alan.”

I stare at the road, at a loss. “Alan...?”

“Pierce.”

“Oh,” I breathe, my stomach turning. “Alan.”

“I heard you’ve been trying to get hold of me.”

I wonder how, but I don’t ask. “Yeah, um—” Shit, how the fuck do I explain that? I thought I saw his dead daughter. I thought I’d check with him to see if she’s still incarcerated. Miles away from me and my new wife. “I’m sorry for your loss, Alan.”

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