Page 259 of This Woman Forever

I flinch, looking away from her. And I see a vision of her thrashing a man’s back, the look on her face. Enjoying herself.

“I hate Ava,” she goes on, on a roll, her voice now breaking, the tears flowing. “And I hate you for loving her. I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to make you see me, then she walks into your office and within a second, you saw her.”

“You have to leave.”

“I know.” She sniffs, wiping her nose. “You won’t see me again.” She walks forward tentatively, coming close, taking advantage of my incapacitated state. I close my eyes as she slowly dips and pushes a kiss to my cheek, lingering. I hold my breath, feeling her lips quivering. Smell her. “Goodbye,” she whispers, finally breaking away. I open my eyes and watch as she walks to the door, and when she reaches it, she looks back. “I love you.”

I turn my face away from her, the pain doubling. As does the anger. The door closes, and I bite down on my teeth, clenching my fists. She couldn’t even apologize? She couldn’t be sorry? She didn’t even acknowledge the fucking state I’m in here. And yet, I don’t feel like I have the right to be mad. If that’s her way of letting me go, what the fuck do I care if she does or doesn’t care?

“You vindictive bitch!”

My eyes shoot toward the door. “Mum?” I whisper.

No.

But then...

Yes.

I’m ambushed by my mother’s sad face, her old hands pulling in her pale blue cardigan. Very quickly, I’m not thinking of the pain—physical or emotional. I throw the sheets back and heave my legs off the bed, cursing to high heaven. Okay, physical pain isn’t fucking off anytime soon. “Bastard,” I mutter, standing, the sheets slipping to my waist. I grab the tall metal stand beside my bed, not only for support, but because I can’t go anywhere without it. “Shit.” I take one unsteady step, holding the sheet around me. Then another. “Fuck!” My eyes bulge when something pulls on my insides, and I look back to see a tube trailing from the bed to my groin. “Fucking hell.” My cheeks balloon, sickness rising, blood draining from my head. I reverse my steps clumsily, pull the bag off the side of the bed, and re-hook it onto the frame with the other fluids, then stagger to the door, throwing it open.

I’m met with a chorus of gasps as I take in the scene.

“Jesse, for God’s sake,” Ava yells, coming at me.

“Mum?” I come over a little lightheaded—shock, no doubt.

“Oh Jesse, you stupid man.” I can see two of her. And Amalie. And Ava. Fuck, is that Sarah? “Get back in bed now.”

“Give me five minutes, Beatrice,” Ava says. She has two faces. Both full of scorn. I blink, my hazy, double vision screwing me over. How does Ava know my mother’s name?

Her palms meet my chest, easing me back a step, and the door closes. “What do you think you’re playing at?” she snaps, furious. “Get in bed.”

Does she fancy changing her tone? And her fucking volume? “Ca—” Whoa. Black dots start to creep into my vision, Ava’s two faces become four.

“Oh shit,” she yelps, as I try to close one eye, gain some focus, feeling my body go as light as my head. “Shit, shit, shit.” I’m suddenly tipping backward, freefalling, and my arse hits the lumpy mattress on a grunt, my back soon after, my legs hanging over the side. Fuck, that hurts. “You’re an idiot, Ward.” For once, I agree. I’ve got room spin. Feel sick. What the hell was I thinking? “Why can’t you do what you’re bloody told?” Ava works around me, and my legs are soon rising.

“I feel pissed.” Fuck, someone stop the room spin. I cover my face with my forearm, clenching my eyes closed.

“You got up too quickly.”

No shit. “What are they doing here, Ava? I don’t want to see them.” I look weak, pathetic, everything they thought I was. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.

Her hand wraps around my arm and pulls it away, and I open one, cautious eye. I haven’t got the energy to deal with this. Or the drink on hand.

“You have me,” she says softly, her face and tone telling me I’m about to be appeased. Can I be? “And I’m all you need, I know that, but this is a chance to put everything in your life right.” Her eyes are imploring, the kind of gaze from my wife I could never disregard. And, really, would I ever want to? They’re here.

Is there a chance?

They came to be by my bedside. And because I was unconscious, I couldn’t push them away. And now, too, because I’m sober. “Just give them a few minutes,” she pleads, hopeful. “I’m here forever, no matter what, but I can’t let you pass up an opportunity to find peace in this part of your life, Jesse.”

Well, doesn’t that make so much sense. “I don’t want anything to ruin what I have.” What if they tell Ava about all of the hideous things I said? Fuck, I said some awful things. Bratty, unforgiveable things. I close my eyes, ashamed.

“Listen to me.” My cheeks are squeezed, and I obey her silent order, opening my eyes. “After everything we have been through, do you really think there is anything else that could possibly fracture what we have?” She has a point. “It’ll be done on your terms. We’ll take it slow, and they will accept it.”

My terms? God, I deserve the least grace in this situation. “I only need you,” I grumble, very aware I’m simply being a coward. I reach for her tummy and stroke gently. “Just you and our babies.”

“You don’t have to want something to need it, Jesse.” She sighs, holding on to her patience, holding my hand on her belly too. “We’re having twins. I know we have each other, but we’ll need our families too.” I know she’s making sense. The ache inside is as real now as it was twenty years ago. There’s a void that can’t be filled by anyone other than my mum and dad. That’s a fact. “And I’d like our children to have two sets of grandparents,” she adds, not that she needs to. I realize there are endless reasons for us to make amends. “We’re not normal, but we should make our children’s lives as normal as possible. It won’t change us or what we have together.” She squeezes my hand, reinforcing her words, as I scramble for the courage I need to tackle the final piece of my past. She’s so reasonable. I’d never say it out loud. I’m so fucking lucky to have her. I force her down to hug me. “Tell me you love me,” I order.

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