Page 20 of Lost In London

Was it dangerous?

Absolutely, but this, our arrangement worked for us and that’s all that mattered.

“…and all of the produce will be provided by the county’s agriculture programs. There are three-hundred-and-twenty-eight schools in Broward County. Two hundred of those have agriculture programs that produce fresh vegetables and fruits year-round. While they can continue to sell them at local farmers' markets during peak season, the bulk of the produce will be given back to the schools for the program. Also, ninety-five percent of the farmers in the state have agreed to supply our needs as well since they will in exchange receive a yearly tax exemption and credit.”

Love at first – a tale old as time.

I can’t say that I ever believed in it. Thought it happened to women more so than men. Women came out of the womb nurturing, well most women. They’re pretty much groomed from birth to want and desire love. Can’t say the same for men. My father raised us to be strong, respectable, and hardworking honorable men first. Once we learned what it meant to embody those traits and characteristics, he taught us how to be a man to our woman.

Never women, but our woman.

Unlike a lot of men that I knew I never had a period of sowing my wild oats or bedding multiple women even with me being an active member of a fraternity that’s honorably known for that. It wasn’t an interest of mine and still isn't. In all my thirty-three years on this earth, I’ve only been with four women. Yes, four women, and I was in a serious relationship with all of them. Having sex with a woman without an emotional connection never interested me.

Probably why I didn’t lose my virginity until my junior year in college.

If I moved off the energy of people, then how do you think I acted when it came to sex?

What purpose did it serve me to have sex with every woman that offered herself to me or that I found attractive? How was I doing either of us justice by having an emotionless exchange knowing we were giving more than receiving?

During the time that India and I were together, I knew her in and out. Knew her probably better than she knew herself. I made it my business too. There were moments when her aura was off. Moments when she listened to her friend’s opinion about our relationship then the facts she knew were real by being one of the main participants in our relationship.

Whenever she had those moments, I focused on trying to settle her mind and spirit rather than having sex and thinking that would be the cure. I mean sometimes it was but for the most part, she needed help guiding her emotions and thoughts. That to me was sometimes more satisfying and a turn-on. An intimate experience I once found pleasing.

But love at first sight, I became a believer when London Nicole Carter crossed my path.

It became an obsession to learn as much as I could about the jaded beauty. Yes, her beauty was breathtaking. Captivating even. Some might question if she ever smiled. I found so much pain in her eyes. She tried to dress up her darkness with bright colors and flawless clothes, but if you studied her like I did you’d see it was a mask to hide her pain.

Truly she didn’t even need to dress it up. It was mixed with her perfume and sat right in the middle of her eyes. Almost every man and woman in this conference room would say she exudes confidence. She speaks clearly, posture is pristine, appears to keep eye contact when speaking, and comes prepared. But what they don’t see or pay attention to is the pause and quick intake of breath she does after every sentence she speaks. Ever so often she’ll touch the tip of her ears which were red. Most might say she was scratching. No, she’s dealing with anxiety.

She doesn’t keep eye contact. She’s looking above your head. Never has she looked any of the men in this room in the eye.

If you're a man with a female assistant, she’ll deal with the assistant over having to communicate with the male. She has to keep something in her hand. Like now she keeps twisting and turning her Apple Pencil to keep from fidgeting. Again, she’s dealing with anxiety and nervousness. After she speaks for two to three sentences back to back, she looks over at her student aide, Massey who nods her encouragement for her to continue going.

Yeah, I paid close attention to Ms. Carter.

I had to.

I needed to.

“Ms. Carter, as I said the first time we met and you presented your business to be part of our school's healthy kids’ program, I am truly blown away.” Superintendent Derrick Jackson wasn’t telling a lie at all. We’ve all been blown away.

Since the first day London pitched her program, Let’s Juice N Be Berry, we’ve been in awe of her brilliance, knowledge, and heart for our inner-city kids. Implementing a juice bar as part of the food options for our students was something we never heard of outside of the predominantly white private schools. This was for all the students.

She gave a slight nod. “Thank you, Mr. Jackson.”

“There’s nothing else for me to say other than welcome aboard.” He stood along with the rest of the board members to congratulate her.

Two days after London presented her program at our board meeting a month ago all the votes had been tallied and we wanted her to be a part of our program. No doubt about it. The long process to get her a yes came from waiting for the state to approve it and they did with added benefits. She knew how to find loopholes and work around the system to get what needed to be done and we liked that.

Love at first sight…

Since I learned and gained the understanding of what being a husband meant and took the time to look deep within myself to see if that’s even something I wanted to be and confirm that I did. I started to ask God to prepare me for the one he created for me. To already position my heart to grow in love for my person. The pruning that took place wasn’t at all what I expected. If I’m being honest, that was a tough season of enduring growing pains.

Out of all my parent’s sons, I’m the most misunderstood.

People outside of my family didn’t know how to receive me. I’ve been called nonchalant, heartless, cold, and an asshole. Oh, I can't forget my favorite… weird.

How am I weird and coldhearted because I don’t let any and everybody in my home or take gifts from people? How am I heartless and cold because when I get bad vibes from people I don’t engage? I’m an asshole because I’m very, very discerning so when you’re in my presence and you ask me something and I tell you the truth, now I’m the bad guy?

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