Page 28 of Lost In London

Why did he have to make sense and sound so sweet doing so?

I got it and I respected our friendship too. I’d be beyond heartbroken if we fell out or stopped being friends. I got it I really did.

“Back to you and that coochie eatin’ girl. You don’t desire her back so how does that work?”

“It works because she’s safe. Men have done nothing but overpower and abuse me. Because she’s a woman that’s my size and can’t overpower me, that in itself makes me feel safe.” Instantly Quincey’s voice filled my head with all of his logic and theory. He saw right through me. Saw my flaws and all.

An observant man was a huge turn-on for me but damn, did he really have to read me that good?

“Are you even ready to be in a serious relationship? Real shit.” Leaning back on the recliner with his blunt hanging from his lips, he looked up at the stars and then over at me. “If God sent the man He created for you today, knowing he’d never abuse you but love you how you desire and want to be loved, are you ready for that?”

For the first time, I couldn’t answer him.

I wasn’t ready when Olena started flirting with me after coming into my juice bar but I stepped out and tried because she made me feel comfortable. I damn sure wasn’t ready to kiss her but I did so because I wanted to prove a point and ended up disgusted with myself.

“No. I don’t think I am.”

The answer skipped out of my mouth in a hurry because it was the truth and it showed early this morning when I woke up from my nightmare. For some strange odd reason, all I wanted to do was be with Quincey. Yeah, the man I’ve been avoiding since our paths aligned. This urgency to call him wasn’t new. My urgency to reach out to him has been a persistent thing since day one but I was scared.

Why did I feel this strong pull to him when we were strangers? I knew his name and where he worked but nothing deeper than the surface to make me grow in need of this man.

I’m known to deceive myself with romance by fueling my desires with obsession. Turning a clear warning from God into a second-guessing episode of who spoke louder.

But with Quincey, dear God I wanted to act on the pull that pumped in my heart. I wanted to stop hiding behind my fear but I didn’t know how to evict myself from this turmoil.

If I’m not ready for the man God may or may not send my way, then what in the hell am I doing with Olena?

“Mr. Reid, are you listening to anything that I’m saying?”

Yellow was my new favorite color. Against her butterscotch complexion and the shimmery pink lip gloss she wore, London had no idea how sinfully beautiful she was or maybe she did. Either way, the yellow top against her skin made her radiate. So, no. The answer to her question was no. I wasn’t listening to anything she said. I haven’t been listening since she called me on FaceTime to discuss her upcoming launch at one of the schools.

Not only did yellow heighten the melanin of her skin but her eyes sparkled, those golden pools of mystery and sadness were my weakness. Getting lost in London’s vulnerability was becoming an addiction. Wanting to be the source of her light challenged me to get deep within her mind to see what was behind her flaws.

“Quincey.” She tried to hold her glare but when my lips curved into a smile, so did hers. She tried to twist her mouth and look down to refrain me from seeing the light starting to make its way back home, but I saw it.

I saw her.

“London.” I wanted London in every complexity she had to give.

I wanted her all of her time. I wanted to be her only option. I wanted her attention to be mine and mine only. She mesmerized me, transfixed me and I barely knew her.

In the middle of my chest sat her throne, her rightful place in my life. She owned me and didn’t know it. Didn’t know I’d give her the world if she asked for a star. Didn’t know I’d falter at her feet if she asked me to hold her close.

My heartbeat, she already remixed it to her own beat. The tingles in my fingers whenever she was in touching distance, I had to learn restraint. With my unsteady breathing, she was teaching me what it meant to breathe in deep and exhale long because that was the tempo of patience she had me on.

“Are you available to meet Tuesday? And if so, how about the library? I usually rent a room at Nova Southeastern University for a couple of hours to get some work done. You’re more than welcome to join me.” She was inviting me into her space. Slow steps but I’d take it.

I don’t know why I had this sense of urgency to do everything fast when it came to her. I wanted to hurry up and taste the lining of her mouth so I could determine the size of the diamond to place on her finger. I wanted to make her as delirious over me as I was over her so we could skip the long months of dating and make her my wife.

I never wanted someone so bad and it was borderline painful to have to sit back and let nature take its course.

“Why can’t I see you on Sunday?” I ignored Quest snickering.

I wanted to see London now. She messed up by video chatting with me today. Now that I knew she had no problem being on camera instead of talking regularly on the phone, this was my way to see her whenever I got a craving which was nonstop.

Head tilting and that smile playing hide and seek, I expected her to call me out but she didn’t. “Because I have church and then brunch afterward.”

I wasn’t surprised she went to church. Carrying the amount of pain she did in her eyes she had to stay connected to God in some form. “Don’t tell me that you’re a part of the EMC tribe?” I teased waiting to see if she got the joke.

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