Page 49 of Lost In London

I was cool with that. I didn’t have to worry about anybody interrupting us or distractions. Her attention was all mine.

“How are you feeling after that exchange with your brother?” Wiping my mouth, I looked in my rearview mirror to see if that same black SUV was still parked on the other side of the parking lot. It was. Her driver always made sure he was present regardless of if I said that she was safe with me. I respected it. Loved it. Meant that if for some reason I couldn’t protect her there was another set of eyes who could.

Sighing with the weight of the world on her shoulders, London closed her container and swallowed her entire bottle of water before answering. “I’m angry. Angry because everyone is upset with how I’m choosing to live my life. They’re upset because I’m not forthcoming with my personal life. As if I live for them.” Her eyes became hard and small hands clenched into fists in her lap. She was looking straight ahead and I knew from the thick vein in her temple she was more than surface level angry. “Landon and I were supposed to have dinner tonight but he doesn’t want to be around me because I’m living my life on my terms and no one else's.”

She wasn’t though.

Bagging up our trash so I could finally do what I wanted to do, I pushed my seat back and held my hand out for her to take. Without hesitation, she brought much comfort and eased a lot of the tension I’d been feeling since earlier today. That’s all it took. A simple touch of her hand in the palm of mine. From the way her breathing started to shift to a more relaxing inhale, it seems I wasn’t the only one who needed physical contact from the other.

Turning her chin until those smoldering brown eyes became fixated on me, I stayed close enough so that at any moment if she felt like she couldn’t breathe, all she had to do was breathe in my exhale. “Are you living according to your terms, though? I see you, London and what I see is you making decisions that you think are your own when you’re still held down in people's bondage. Making decisions that you think they will respect instead of not caring at all and doing exactly what you want to do.”

London tried to dress up her jaded weariness in bright colors but I saw through all of that.

I saw through the glitz and glamor. Saw through the hard exterior. Most men would flee at the sight of her trauma, not wanting to put in the time and effort to help her rose bloom. But that’s okay. London’s problems weren’t meant for any type of man to help solve. I was determined, obsessed even with making sure I was the one she’d always lean on.

Resting her head back on the headrest, she turned her head slowly until her teary brown eyes locked with mine. “I’m tired of existing. Physically I’m here but…” sighing, she closed her eyes, letting a stream of tears flow. Unable to help myself I leaned over and kissed her face dry earning a small smile.

“Your pain and suffering, does it have to do with you now having a guard?” I nodded my head to the black SUV parked two spots down.

Without having to look she nodded. “Benny will never be far from me but to answer your question, yes. Him being here gives me peace. Though I trust you won’t hurt me, the same can’t be said for everyone else. Damn sure not the demons of my past.” Turning her body towards me, she ran the back of her hand along my cheek until her fingers were massaging the hairs of my beard. “I want to experience love.” Staring into her eyes and seeing the longing, I stopped breathing.

She was giving me a glimpse into her heart and I had my notepad and pen ready to take notes and put forth the action to give her everything she wanted. “A safe unconditional love. I want to be loved by a man so deeply connected to God that he has to seek Him to know how to love me. That he’s so sensitized to God’s voice and spirit that he won’t even think to lay a hand on me or raise his voice to abuse me in any kind of way because the weight of conviction is so strong.

“I want to give love their words but I’m afraid of what I’ll endure again for that sacrifice. Something will always be required because where much is given much is required. I want intimacy. I want to put my trust in someone. I want to flourish in the safe environment of love where it becomes easy, second nature almost to submit and surrender. I want to be free, Quincey. I want to be loved freely.”

There was a lot I wanted to say. A lot I wanted to do but the only thing that rang out the loudest was to kiss her. “Can I kiss you?” My nose was already kissing hers as she sighed and leaned further into me. Eyes closed and lips parted.

While my breathing had become erratic, hers had slowed. Became a mellow ballad.

Eyes fluttering open, her thumb outlining my bottom lip as she licked hers. “I’ve been waiting all day for you to finally kiss me. Don’t make me wait any longer.”

And I didn’t.

Never one to rush a thing when it came to intimacy, I savored the softness and taste of her lips. With all of the jerk flavors from her food and her natural sweetness, I’ve never been so desperate in my life to make love to a woman’s mouth with my tongue. She opened up to me with ease, fingers rubbing against my ears and hair. That alone had me moaning and growling in her mouth like a starved beast.

Kissing London, stroking my tongue against hers, it wasn’t long before it became sloppy and erotic. I blame it all on her though. She held my head in her hands and started doing that nasty shit that I loved. Sucking on my tongue, licking my tongue like it was her favorite flavor of ice cream all the while moaning.

So damn sexy.

“London, baby.” I had to pull away before my hands that were squeezing the life out of her waist ventured to uncharted territory.

My baby was a kisser and I couldn’t get enough like she couldn’t. We might’ve stopped the swopping spit erotic show but she couldn’t stop the slow and lingering pecks on my lips. If anything that seemed to turn her on more. I felt her heat, smelt her sweet aroma and damn did it smell good.

“I love to kiss.” She mumbled against my lips, eyes low and drunk off our intimacy. “I love the way you kiss me. I never felt so damn desired in my life. You can’t kiss me like that again unless you want to be my boyfriend.” Winking, she gave me one last kiss before shifting in her seat and putting her seatbelt back on.

Damn.

I was harder than cement brick. My shit was painfully straining against my zipper. Not caring at all that she would see me, I shifted myself until I levitated some of the pressure. That motherfucker still wasn’t softening, only grew harder especially when she released a moan and I caught her biting her top lip and using the tip of her nail to run back and forth over her collarbone.

Knowing I was liable to say some explicit shit, I kept quiet on the drive to her house. I’ve been waiting a long time to see inside of the infamous compound and now that I had the opportunity, I was so damn focused on trying to relax my muscles that I wasn’t paying attention or cared at all about what was going on around us until we approached her house and Cassian was sitting on the porch waiting.

Getting out to open her door, I stood for a minute to collect myself. I ain't never been so turned on in my life. With London, it was more than sex. Yes, baby girl was beautiful and sexy as hell. I loved the way she smelled and her mind more than anything but it was our chemistry and connection that had me hard as a rock. I felt like life finally made sense. Like God had finally answered all of my questions as to why I was the way I am.

It was all to give to her.

She needed everything I had to give.

Helping her out of the car, I caged her in after I closed the door and took advantage of her being shorter than me. Reaching right above my chin, making it easier for her to breathe in the words I was about to speak. “I told you once and I’ll tell you again. London, baby, you are seed. You have a purpose to boldly chase and go after. You’ve seen my garden. You’ve seen how it is growing and flourishing. I want to nurture and grow your seeds. That emptiness you feel, that’s the soil for you to plant your seeds.”

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