Page 60 of Lost In London

She and I dined at Grand Luxe until ten minutes past closing. We talked and laughed like friends would. She encouraged me repeatedly to leave my fears at the door when it came to Quincey. Motivated me to do the unbelievable with my business and to take the time to pour the same self-care I give to everyone else into myself.

Hugging her goodbye gave me peace. We parted ways but the closure of it all soothed the anxiety that had me afraid we’d end in tears and disgusting words.

“I miss you.” Those were the three words Quincey greeted me with when he answered my FaceTime call. I had a good twenty minutes before I got to the compound and I wanted to spend that time talking with my man.

My man.

I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of saying that.

“I miss you too.” I missed this man even when he sat next to me and excused himself to the restroom.

“Are you completely mine?” Hooded eyes held me in a grip. Watching the rise and fall of his bare muscular chest had me shifting in my seat and biting my lip.

I was ready to go on Amazon and purchase a spend the night bag.

“I’m all yours,” I spoke with so much confidence and truth that my heart felt like it jumped with glee in my chest cavity.

He and I sat ogling the other. I was more enamored and beguiled by his manliness and the power he exuded more than anything. Feeling protected for the first time felt empowering. Then to feel sexy and wanted. His eyes and aura reciprocating everything I felt left me dancing in a dizzy cloud.

I wonder what waking up next to him would feel like.

“Whenever you’re ready to let me hold you through the night, my door is open.” I sucked in a deep breath, astonished that he was able to read my thoughts so easily.

“This, me and you, it’s hard for me to restrain myself from rushing with you.” He began rubbing his chest making so many of my nerve endings jolt with excitement. “I want you as my wife. I want you as my lover. I want everything you have and I promise to give you back more than you can imagine or dream.”

My eyes squeezed shut as I felt the truck come to a slow stop. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream and shout. This man was giving me the keys to paradise and my mind was playing unfair by telling me I don’t deserve this. That I’m not worthy of him. That I’m too dirty from my past to be gifted such a clean and beautiful man. That I’d ruin him and taint his love.

My bottom lip started trembling and I dropped my phone on my lap as I covered my mouth.

Why did this keep happening?

“Sweetheart, pick up the phone.” I shook my head knowing he couldn’t see me. Hearing him shift around and then the sound of keys, I quickly picked it up, mascara ruined and all.

“Where are you going?” I questioned with a hiccup breath.

He went from laying down bare chested to walking around putting on a shirt. “I’m coming to you.”

“But… but… why?”

His frown was so sexy. “Because you need me, London. You let the voices in your head devalue everything I said just now. You damn right I’m coming over there to reaffirm you and my word. There’s power not only in my words but in my hands. You’ve seen with your natural eye that I’m gifted to plant, nurture, and grow. Baby, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I promise when you give me access and permission to touch you freely, touch you without you flinching, I can heal what is shattered.”

“Mmhm.” All I could do was rock and hum.

“Look at me.” I gave him my eyes. “You are life, London. You create life and birth it. The enemy is trying to use all of its tactics to keep you stagnant and paralyzed because he knows once you start believing again, start applying pressure to the dreams and goals shown to you, stepping boldly into your calling. You’re going to give birth to something that will shake the earth and change lives. I decree and declare protection over you.

“You are the head and not the tail. You are above and not beneath. You have supernatural strength to face and defeat every battle. I petition heaven with the power of the Holy Spirit to take dominion over your life. Lord, breathe on her yet again until her foundation of courage and strength causes her to stand tall. Show her the beauty of letting go so you can have control and order her steps. May the peace of God consume every area of her life. May she experience your love and favor in fresh new ways. Let every tongue that speaks ill and every assignment of the enemy be condemned. In Jesus name.”

“Amen.” He and I declared together.

His chest was rising and falling so hard and fast but when you looked at him in the face he appeared so calm. Both of us were cloaked in a peace and calmness that I didn’t understand.

This man boldly prayed over and for me without hesitation. I didn’t have to ask. I didn’t feel awkward or shy watching him converse with God. If anything, I feel so damn awakened and free.

Yes, free because that’s what his prayer did - set me free.

Those voices were no longer in my head. Only Quincey’s voice and the echoes of his prayers.

“London, baby, use me. I’m at your disposal. Kill your pride and ego when it comes to thinking that you can fight this on your own. I’m more than capable and strong enough to carry your burdens. Nothing is going to run me away. I don’t care about the hour or the day, if you need me, call me. If you can’t find the words to say send me a text with those red lip emojis cause I’m going to kiss God’s ears on your behalf. Use me, London. Don’t be afraid. Use me.” His thunderous voice touched every crevice of my body.

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