Page 64 of Lost In London

“Give this to her.” Handing me a handful of tissues and a bottle of water, London stood beautiful as ever. She looked more concerned about India crying than upset that a deranged woman was on my porch losing her shit. Watching her eyes full of empathy calmed the uneasiness in my chest.

“Oh my gosh.” India froze seeing London. Ignoring the tissue I offered she stared at London for the longest. Just stared. Her red teary eyes moved to me and then behind us.

It all clicked.

The woman next to me. The music that followed us out onto the porch. The smell of our meal.

“You… you’re dating. She’s in your house. This is serious.” She stated rather than questioned.

If anyone knew how serious I was when it came to opening my home up to others. Knowing how serious I was about sharing my space and protecting my peace, it was India. When we dated it took a while before I felt comfortable inviting her in. Then when we moved in together, I damn sure wasn’t letting her trifling ass friends and crazy family over. Her mother called me controlling because I wouldn’t let them stay at my house when they came into town.

What the hell do I look like letting people that have disrespected me to my face, saying that I’m less of a man for choosing to teach than having a job with a six-figure salary? How I’m a broke teacher that will eventually leech on her and become a bum. Her mother made it clear her daughter was dating me out of pity because I was a bottom-of-the-barrel educator and she needed to marry a man with more ambition. A man that would provide for her daughter not make her work.

Stupidity is such an ugly disease.

Hell no I wasn’t letting those people in my house.

Her mother was so concerned that I was a teacher, thinking I couldn’t provide for her daughter that she never looked at her daughter’s lifestyle to see who funded it. When India and I were together she never paid for a thing, not even those eagle wing eyelashes she liked to wear. I paid every bill with ease because that was my job as her man. I asked her to move in with me so, of course, I provided. Her paychecks were her own to do what she pleased. I felt no need to explain that I was more than financially capable of taking care of India and their entire family if I wanted to. Her mother wanted to be an ass and assume wrong, then she was going to forever be the donkey that wouldn’t know what the inside of my house looked like.

Blinking slow, India huffed. “I’m going to go. I’m sorry for coming by. Forget that I was ever here.” Shoulders to the ground, India left but not without taking one last long look at London.

I waited until she drove off before heading back inside. Not much could knock me off my square but being unsure of what London was going to say had me nervous. Would she go off and leave? Did she think I was still involved with my ex?

The microwave beeping and London singing along to the music kinda relaxed me… kinda. I had no idea how she dealt with anger. Guess we were about to see.

Taking a seat at my island, I watched her heat up our plate and refill our drinks. Until she expressed her thoughts I was tongue-tied. Unable to speak until she spoke first.

“Turn around.” Placing our plate next to me she pushed her barstool closer and sat down. Once I turned to where she wanted me, she scooted closer until her legs were able to wrap around my waist.

I searched her eyes, looking for the first sign of anger, hell even jealousy. I found none. From her bouncy bob to her red painted toes, I searched for anything to show how she felt. She held a fork full of pasta to my lips but I couldn’t eat. I wouldn’t be able to eat until she said something about what just happened.

“Are you upset?” My heart was pounding so fast.

Why was I so afraid of losing her? Like she would walk out my door and I’d never see her again.

It’s like my body became weightless. Only thing I could hold was my grasp on her hips keeping her anchored close to me.

“I’m not.” Her quick peck did nothing to settle my thoughts. “Tell me about her, about your relationship.” Her doe brown eyes settled my anxiousness.

“That was my ex, India. She and I dated for two and a half years.” Recanting my past felt like I was on trial.

Would London find me guilty of being selfish when it came to walking away from India? Would she think I was too controlling as I’ve been told in the past? Did she think I wouldn’t fight for her?

I’ve never been an insecure man. Never doubted much about myself but at this moment I felt unsure. Just that quick these foreign emotions attacked me to the point I sat mute after finishing. My hands started to shake, my body became rigid. Vision hazy. The pounds of emotional pressure sitting on my chest, this fear attacking me.

“Hey. Where did you go? Come back to me.” Soft hands cupped my face, a cold nose glided along my cheek. Resting her forehead against mine, she waited patiently until whatever had me in a chokehold passed.

“Thank you for sharing that with me.” Her breath brushed across my face like a gust of calming dust. “I know those feelings all too well. Traveling to those dark places in my mind. Lost in the voices that rather see me crumble than live free.” Sitting back with my head still in her soft hands, she kissed my nose and sighed. “You inspire me to be higher than my lowest low. You make my desires feel so pure and real. I’m not going anywhere, Quincey. There’s so much more of my garden that you have to nurture.”

Finally, I exhaled.

I could breathe again.

The only weight sitting on my chest was the weight of my love for this woman.

“I’ve never experienced that level of fear before. Never have I ever been powerless to my thoughts. I know how to cast them down. But for some reason, I was powerless to the fear of losing you. That thought alone disarmed me of my greatest weapon… my faith.” There was a deeper meaning in this moment and all I wanted to do was call Quest and have him dissect this with me.

He warned me that I’d face many changes, face many warfares.

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