Page 75 of Lost In London

The way he caressed my back and affirmed that he wasn't going anywhere. The way he kissed me to remind me that he was and will forever be my man.

“You’re welcome.” Cassian walked past us scarfing down my burrito.

Lifting me until my legs wrapped around him, he sat down holding my chin firm. “I don’t care what you have going on, London. That will be the last time you ignore me for eight days. Why did Cassian have to reach out and invite me here to see you? I sent you voice notes every day. Not only did I make it known through my actions that the petals on your rose were still beautiful to me but I spoke it. I’m a man of my word, sweetheart. If you running from me for months didn’t stop me from pursuing you, then what makes you think that I’d run once I found out the source of your trauma? Baby, if anything that should’ve been the time for you to run straight to me. We’re grown, London. Do you understand?”

Did I understand?

Absolutely.

I understand everything because my Lord this man has rocked my world since our paths aligned.

“The petals of my rose.” Bottom lip trembling and all, I pinned over this man like it was the first I saw him in the school board meeting.

He looked off smiling. “Yes, London. The rose that grew from concrete has petals on it. Doesn’t matter how delicate and fragile they are, those petals hold the softness of you as a woman. It’s your essence and the makeup of your femininity but also your strength. I’ll keep saying it until you believe it. You are seed, baby.”

I’m manish as hell.

He’s talking about the seeds of my purpose, value, and worth and I’m thinking about my womb being swollen from his seeds creating life.

Right as I was about to start making out with this man for the world to see my phone started ringing. Seeing that it was Landon, I had every intention to ignore it and I did. Then he called back and I ignored it again. No way was I going to let my judgemental brother ruin this moment for me.

“Answer it. I don’t think he would call back to back three times just to be an annoyance.” He encouraged, not at all familiar with the ways of my brother.

“Yes, Landon.” I snapped while answering the phone. I went from being frustrated that he was calling to being on the verge of tears hearing Andrea’s voice. Once she finished and hung up, I sat in his lap stuck. This can’t be happening right now. “I-I have to go. My daddy just had a heart attack.”

Three hours wasn’t long enough for me to prepare for being back in New York. Three hours wasn’t long enough for me to digest and process that my daddy had a heart attack while golfing with his friends. Three hours just wasn’t enough.

Cassian wanted to put me on the Kalmin’s private plane but it wouldn’t make it from Colorado to me in time. Atlas was currently out of town checking on his new adventure. His weed farm. Before I’d ever flown private I was a first-class girl that had no problem hopping on a commercial flight.

That’s exactly what I did.

Straight from Sunland Park to Fort Lauderdale International Airport. Luckily I was able to get on a flight leaving in thirty minutes. Having TSA precheck and Clear worked in my favor running through the busy airport. I made it just in time, still unable to say a word. Before takeoff, I called Andrea to see if he was okay, if he made it out of surgery, and he had.

My daddy was alive.

There should be some form of relief in that blessing but I still felt heavy. Felt indifferent about my emotions which ranged from annoyed to exhausted. It’s been a long time since I left the place that I thought would be my forever home. A concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

Besides coming here with Cassian to check on my juice bar, I always left before this place could suck me in. Now I was about to face everything and everyone that kept me away.

I didn’t want to get off the plane when we landed. I didn’t want to get in a car and be driven to the hospital to check on my dad. I damn sure didn’t want to see my family but here I was sitting next to Dre trying to make sense of the anger I felt. I dropped everything and came here without question. Left Quincey and Cassian with promises of being strong to deal with these people alone. Quincey tried to come with me but I asked him, begged him not to.

“Massey says your boyfriend is a teacher. Are you happy?” I felt relieved seeing him when I walked out of the airport. Lord knows I wasn’t ready to see or deal with Landon. He hasn’t reached out since that day in my office and I for sure wasn’t going to.

“I am.” Now I wish Quincey had come with me. He’d level out my nerves and affirm that everything would be alright. I kept twirling my gimmel rings hoping and wishing that if I turned them long enough he’d appear in thin air.

“When can I meet him?”

Only ten more gruesome minutes left until we got to the hospital. “I’ll let you know.” My tone was sharp.

Slowing at a red light, Dre shifted close to his door and started to analyze me. Something that I’ve always hated. “Did I do something wrong, London? If I did, I apologize for it.”

This was not the time for me to start acting like a bitch all because I didn’t know how to channel my emotions.

I hate that he knew I’d done harm to myself. It’s like he treats me so delicate and fragile when I’m anything but that. “No, Dre. You didn’t do anything. I have misplaced anger that I’m dealing with.” A whole lot of anger.

A huge part of the reason I told Quincey not to come was my fear of him looking at me differently once he met my family outside of my parents. They were the ones who judged me harsher than anyone else. He had no idea who the old London was. Probably wouldn’t look my way if he had met me in that lifetime. I didn’t want him to know that old version of me. Didn’t want him to know them.

“If you need to talk, I’m here.” I appreciated his kindness to me but at this phase of my life, I wouldn’t take him up on his offer.

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