Page 38 of Lost In London

Laughter filled my ears as I walked into the kitchen. My mom, Andrea, and Coco were sitting around the table laughing. I wasn’t missing the girl time fun. I was ready to go before I even left my house.

All eyes turned to me as I entered the kitchen. “Why are you being so antisocial? Talk to us. Are you dating anybody new? Knowing your taste in men he’s probably not worth a pot to piss in but has money. That’s the only thing they can satisfy you with anyway.” My mother went straight for the jugular.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Wait one damn minute now.

I was completely taken aback and blindsided by her accusations and disrespect. Did she really think that little of me?

To my knowledge, Quincey was well off for himself. I know teachers aren’t bringing in six figures but he dressed nice and I knew my fashion. He drove a brand new Tesla and had a nice expensive armpiece. Besides the material, which I never cared about when it came to him, he was a good man. A very good, knowledgeable humble man that ate his Wheaties and had the sexiest heavy walk I had ever seen in my life.

But wait… she said my man… oops.

“And who’s fault is that?” I popped right back.

Turning around in her seat my mother eyed me like I lost my mind. I surely didn’t but she did. “Excuse me, little girl.”

Leaning against the counter, I folded my arms and gave her the same attitude back. “I haven’t been a little girl in quite some years. I’m a grown woman. Everyone likes to say I’m spoiled. I’m selfish. All I care about is money and this and that but whose fault is it because I didn’t get my first real job until I was in college and before you say my business isn’t a real job since Landon gifted me the startup money for it, it is. If I’m all those things then whose fault is it? Y’all’s fault because I never had to cheat, steal, or throw some ass to get the things given to me by y’all.” I went there, yeah, I really went there.

Coco and Drea snickered while my mother looked like she was about to blow a fuse. She and I both knew she upped the levels to which she spoiled me after what happened at Aunt Jackie’s. It was hush money and gifts. She lied to my father about what happened and made Landon lie too. She can call me spoiled all she wants but at the end of the day, it was hush money to keep her secrets and make her feel better about herself.

“I can see someone needs a vacation.” She narrowed her eyes at me before acting bipolar and smiling like everything was peachy. “So, I was thinking that we could spend that Thursday at the spa and maybe see a play after. Then we can…” Once I realized she was disregarding my feelings and ignoring everything I said like always, I tuned her out and got a plate to fix a bowl of fruit.

Next week everyone was going to New York. Dre needed to check in on his comic book store. Drea had to check in on her business which meant if I went it would put me right in Theo’s path and that was a hard no. Landon had to check on all of his businesses and my mother assumed I needed to check on mine as well.

The truth of the matter is every three weeks I go to New York on the Kalmin’s private jet with Cassian to check on my stores. Last month all of the Kalmin’s went. We ended up going shopping and to see Lion King on Broadway. Dre probably knew since Keatyn went. She and Coco are best friends so I’m sure she told her but neither said anything.

“These are good.” I popped another grape in my mouth. “I’m not going.”

All of the laughter stopped and my mother’s eyes widened with surprise. Coco sat back unphased and Andrea looked nervous. Coco knew what time it was. I didn’t have to explain what was understood when it came to her. She was present at the bonfire a year ago when I told her and the other wives about what went down with Elgin. Not only that, we hang out at least once a month.

“I… I don’t understand.” Standing, she walked up to me looking me up and down like she was searching for something. “Why can’t you go? Bring your work with you. I mean how demanding is your job and making sure your juice bars don’t run out of juice?”

There it was. The low shade of insults. The condescending behavior. As if what I did for a living was minimal with no value.

“No.”

Head rearing back, she gave me a dry chuckle. “What do you mean no?”

“No is a complete sentence, mother. I’m not going and no I won’t bring my work with me.” I gave a quick fake smile and went out to the backyard to dip my toes in the water.

Part of me felt like I was doing the most but the other part of me felt like my actions were warranted. My family didn’t respect me. They treated me like my past would forever define who I’ll forever be and that’s what pissed me off.

Landon used to have the reputation of being the wild party animal but once he got married all of that changed. Now he’s my parent’s poster child for what perfection looks like and I hate that.

“I’m surprised that you’ve stayed this long.” If there was one person who related to my frustrations it was Coco. Granted my parents never mistreated me on the levels that hers did. She understood and related to feeling like no matter how much you’ve changed, people will only remember the old you.

Looking over my shoulder, I watched my parent’s faces fill with so much joy playing with their grandson. “Me too. I didn’t want to come in the first place.”

If I ever have kids I wonder if they’ll treat them differently because they’re mini replicas of me.

Moving her knotless braids from her face, Coco sat next to me dipping her yellow toes in the water. “When you’re ready I think you need to have a conversation with your mom,” she smirked at my heavy eye roll. “Being angry and disappointed for their actions back then is one thing. But carrying that anger through each of your seasons will only hurt you more and not them. In their eyes, they feel like you need to move on. Your response of sticking up for yourself and telling your mother no isn’t being received how you want it because they think this is you being the old version of yourself. When in reality you’re fed up and tired. Seeing the bullshit for what it truly is - bullshit. That’s just my opinion.”

I got what she was saying and all that jazz but my stubbornness wasn’t liking the idea of having to explain the root of my anger when they are the cause of most of it.

I zoned out watching the ripple of the water around my ankles. “It’s frustrating, Coco. Having to explain to them why I feel the way I feel.” I leaned back on my palms. “I don’t want to but I know I need to because they don’t understand, and the more they don’t understand makes me even angrier.”

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