Page 72 of Lost In London

He knew my secret.

He found out my darkest secret.

“I miss you. Yesterday I almost went to jail because a few of my students thought it would be cool to prank me on the last day of school. I miss your smile and the softness of your lips.” Lost in the rasp of his voice, I curled up deeper in my covers. “Walked in my classroom after lunch to find everything completely wrapped in bubble wrap. My whiteboard and car were covered in sticky notes. I was so damn pissed, London. So damn pissed until Natalie told me to read the sticky notes. They almost made me shed a tear. Each sticky note had a reason why I was the best teacher in the world to them. How I impacted and changed their lives in some way. How I taught them to find joy in learning and wanting to be a better person. I miss you so much.” Clicking out of my texts I stared up at the ceiling with a fresh new set of tears ready to water my ears.

I was scared.

He knew my truth.

And before he could leave me I was attempting to make the foolish decision of leaving him first.

But I was a punk.

For the last week, he’s given me space to process the overload of that night. The night when Quest exposed one of my ugliest secrets. It wasn’t that I was angry with him. When that man looked in my soul the first time I met him, I knew he got a full cinematic preview of my lift. He’d done something I was afraid to do which was show my biggest scar and confess to his brother that I’d been a victim to a vile man. A man that robbed and took so much from me.

Then to find out Elgin’s brother had done the same thing to Dove but worse.

I was mourning for us both.

I knew that Elgin had brothers. Never met them but knew there were four of them altogether. When I woke up that next morning Cassian told me the haunting history of the Dubri family. This haunting history of the Dubri men. I was disgusted and lowkey scared that my life was in danger since his brothers were on the same predator wave as him.

What if Elgin planned to have his brothers come after me?

I was waiting for Cassian to go off after hearing that Elgin had been contacting me but I guess he didn’t hear or was saving his blow up for another day.

Every day, multiple times a day, Quincey sent me voice notes. It was the sweetest poetry I’ve ever heard. Him telling me how much he missed me. Reassuring me and praying for me. Gosh, the prayers. But it was the reassuring part for me. He wasn’t turned off by my past. If anything it seemed like he wanted to love me more but I was scared to because history showed that once people find out I had deeper internal issues they fled.

Family stayed out of obligation.

Cassian found our situation as a crutch, just as I had but I knew his feelings and loyalty to me were genuine. Besides him, who else?

Yeah, there was Luna but we bonded over my trauma. Bonded over her angst and obsession with bringing harm to Elgin. Can’t forget Aziza, Lord knows I can’t forget the woman who has massaged my scalp during her husband’s sermons to usher me into a deep sleep.

I guess I wasn’t as alone as I thought.

Regardless, I was in a moment of flight or flight and I was so scared of what to do next. My heart said to get my behind up and go get our man. That I needed to be a grown woman and act like it. But my mind… that stupid whore was telling me different. Telling me that he was staying out of guilt and pity though his daily voice notes said otherwise. Not just the voice notes but the flowers, food, books, and playlist he sent daily to continue to pour light into me.

I’ve been so lost in the clouds called Quincey Elixir. High off his charisma and charm. Drunk from his passion and manliness. That my past, those tough traumas, was starting to become a thing of the past. So much so that he was making me forget certain things happened. That Elgin happened. That’s how potent Quincey Reid was.

“Ahhh… Cassian, what the hell?” This crazy fool snatched off my covers and dragged me out of the bed by my ankles until I fell on the floor in a flop like a sack of potatoes.

“Nah. Ain’t no Cassian what the hell?” He mocked glaring down at me. Shirtless, chest full of tattoos and muscles, looking like a fine mean caramel éclair. Sweats hanging off his narrow waist. Blue Nike box briefs showing. “London, you are the motherfuckin’ Don. You are not the booty ends of the bread. My nigga, you are the whole loaf. Act like you the big gangsta I raised you to be.” He clapped his hands and I fell out laughing. This damn fool.

“I am a gangsta. Whatchu mean?” I didn’t believe my damn self. That squeak and squeal in my voice was so not gangsta at all.

“Stand up, London.” He pulled out his phone and started typing. “Girl, if I have to break my damn back by picking you up, I swear I’m tossing yo ass in the pool. Do you need to sit in time out with Keisha? She needs some company.” Hearing him mention that unnaturally big alligator he called a pet I jumped up quick. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He mumbled, mugging me.

“Why are you bothering me?” I pouted, stomping my feet. “Can’t you see that I’m in my feelings? Why aren’t…” Big Gangsta By Kevin Gates started playing through the ceiling Bluetooth speakers he had all around the house.

Turning it up full blast, he started bopping around and getting hyped. My attitude vanished in the blink of an eye. Next thing you know both of us were in the zone and forgetting about what caused our gloomiest days. Song after song we rapped or sung our hearts out. Massey had come by earlier this morning to pick up the kids. Her and AJ took them to the beach so it was just me and my favorite guy.

“You feel better now?” Out of breath, he bent over resting his hands on his knees. “Damn. I can’t be this young and out of shape.” He wheezed. “Get dressed. We’re taking the Chevy out and riding.”

If there was one thing I loved to do with him it was riding around in his candy painted donk Chevy. Riding in his tricked out cars with the custom paint job and high rims with heavy speakers in the back making you hear us before you saw us. I felt like hood royalty. Then on top of all the love and respect Cassian received from his people, they showed the same to me.

Funny how I used to hate those type of cars but now I loved them.

He and I were showered and dressed in under forty minutes. I’d just gotten my hair braided two days before in stitch braids. I wanted to keep it cute since my mood had been lifted so I went with an olive halter romper and some tan and olive green wedges. Wore my custom doorknocker earrings with Tha Don enscripted in the middle. A medium-sized Cuban link choker with the matching bracelet and anklet. All of it gifted by Cassian, of course. Kept my makeup simple with mascara and some blush lip gloss.

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