I pull the covers up. “Oh.”
“Thank you,” he says, pulling a pair of basketball shorts out of the drawer and placing his feet in them, one at a time.
My heart is pounding. I silently go over to my bag and take out a fresh bra. Then, in a maneuver I haven’t used since seventh grade gym class, I hook it around my belly and slide it up under my tank top without putting my goodies on display.
“Happy now?” I ask.
“Ecstatic,” he says, sliding under the covers. “You?”
“Perfect,” I reply. I rejoin him in the bed, trying to focus on staying as close to the edge as possible so that our legs or feet don’t touch by accident.
Minutes go by in uncomfortable silence. He goes back to reading on his laptop. Part of me loves that he’s reading my manuscript; another part of me hates it for fear of what he might think of me, think of my writing, think of my past.
So Jeff Herman and I busy ourselves finding me the perfect agent. The room settles into a lull and stays that way until the awkwardness disappears and is replaced with coexistence.
“CJ, can I ask you something?” he says.
“Sure.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, okay?”
“No promises, since it sounds like it’s something bad.”
“I’m just wondering… Are you still in love with Bryce?”
“What? No. Why would you ask that?”
“So this is all just fiction that I’m reading here.”
“Yeah.” I roll over to face him in the bed.
“This is a story about a girl whose first love leaves her to go play professional soccer and then ends up with her sister, leaving the girl heartbroken and struggling to move on.”
“So?”
“Well, it just reads a little bit autobiographical is all.”
“How so? The narrator’s not a writer.”
“True, but she’s an artist. She works in a museum as a curator, and the story ends with her finding out that she got a scholarship to an arts program. That doesn’t feel relatable?”
“Of course it’s relatable. But it’s not autobiographical.”
“Here’s the thing, CJ. And just please, hear me out. This manuscript is really good. The writing is strong. Great character development. I like how she finds herself over time and how she discovers in an epiphany during her sister’s wedding that she doesn’t need anyone but herself to find true happiness. Honestly, it’s very touching.”
“But?” I ask, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“But are you sure you’ll feel comfortable with this story being out there in the world where anyone can read it? Even Bryce?”
“Oh, I’m not worried about that. Bryce doesn’t read.”
“That’s not the point. Your family might read it.”
“Only if it gets published, which, let’s be honest, is pretty unlikely.”
“CJ. Do you see yourself? You’re over here, at the very start of your second semester of grad school, and you’ve already completed a manuscript that you’re going to start querying agents with. Do you realize there are people in this program who will never finish a whole manuscript? And you finished yours in a semester?”
“So? What difference does that make?”