Page 88 of Their Forever Daddy

“No.” Grant sat up as well, and Edie’s heart raced at the steel in his voice. “It’s time you two actually talked about what happened. We’re never going to be able to get past it if you keep pretending everything is fine.”

“I’m not pretending,” Edie snapped. “And there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Obviously there is.” Contrary to Edie’s rising anger, Jesse’s voice was quiet, almost sad. “I’ve apologized for leaving you. But we haven’t actually talked about it. And you’re obviously still hurting.”

“And that’s my issue to sort out.” Pushing to her feet, Edie paced to the water’s edge, stopping just short of getting her boots wet before turning and stomping back up to the tree. “My pain, my problem. Not yours. Or yours,” she added, jabbing a finger at Grant, who raised an eyebrow in response.

“Your pain is our pain, little pixie. What happened? Why were you so angry at Jesse for leaving?”

“I wasn’t.” But the panic clawing at her chest was making it difficult to breathe, to think. “I was never mad at her for leaving. I was mad because… because…”

“Because I left you behind?” Jesse asked quietly.

Something in her, something she’d been trying so desperately to hold together all these years, finally snapped. “Yes! I could never understand, I still don’t understand, how you could just leave me like that! I loved you, Jesse, with every fiber of my fucking being. And you walked away like I was nothing. Like what we had meant nothing to you.”

The air around them was so thick with emotion, Edie was certain she could actually cut through it with a knife. She was so aware of everything, of herself, of Jesse, of Grant watching them in silence ready to step in if anything went wrong that it threatened to overwhelm her.

“I was scared.” The words were so quiet, so small, Edie was almost certain she’d imagined them.

“Scared?” Confusion scrambled Edie’s thoughts as she blinked down at the woman she’d once loved more than anything. “Of me?”

“No… and yes.” Jesse rose slowly to her feet, her expression unusually guarded as she met Edie’s gaze. “Not physically. Even when things were at their worst, I was never scared of you that way. But do you remember the talk we had, after what happened with your dad?”

“Yes.” It was one of those moments that had seared itself into her mind. She’d spent years going over that conversation, wondering what she could have said or done to change what happened next.

“Do you remember that I asked you to come with me? That I told you if we stayed here, we’d never be free? That we’d never be able to be together, the way we deserved?”

“Yes,” Edie whispered, her throat aching with the effort required to hold back her tears. “And you were right. I knew you were right, even then. I was just…”

“Scared,” Jesse finished with a sad smile. “I know, sugar. I know because I was scared, too. I was fucking terrified, getting on that Greyhound the next morning. But I was more scared of what would happen to me, to us if I stayed here, and you’d made it so goddamn clear you weren’t ever leaving, no matter how bad things got.”

“So you just left, instead of trying to change my mind.” Temper and grief sharpened her words to knifepoints. “You left, and I never heard from you again.”

The look Jesse sent her was the very definition of incredulity. “Could I have? Changed your mind, I mean? Look me in the eye and tell me that if I’d stayed, if I’d fought for us, that I actually would have been able to pull you away from this town you love so fucking much.”

“Of course, you…” But the words died on her lips.

Because deep down she knew Jesse was right. Now, with the benefit of ten more years of life experience, of going through some of the worst things the universe could throw at a person, she knew what Jesse had known all along: if they’d stayed in Lost River together, they would have had to fight tooth and nail for every moment of happiness in their lives.

And yet, even knowing all that, the idea of leaving here, leaving her girls, made her want to weep. If she couldn’t face leaving now, what hope had there been for Jesse to convince her to leave all those years ago?

“You’re right,” she said quietly. “I wouldn’t have changed my mind. Or maybe I would have, but only after I got so worn down I couldn’t stand it any longer. But you still should have told me you were leaving. You should have called or written or something.”

“I couldn’t.” Tears shimmered in Jesse’s eyes. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. God knows I thought about it every fucking day for years. But I couldn’t, Edie, don’t you understand? I couldn’t tell you I was leaving and I couldn’t face what I’d done once I’d left.”

Fury rose up, threatened to choke her. “No, I don’t fucking understand! I was devastated when you left, Jesse. And I had no idea if you were safe or happy or what was going on until you hit it big. Nobody did. Why didn’t you at least call and tell me you were okay? I would have been pissed, sure, but maybe I wouldn’t have spent ten years hating you if you’d just talked to me.”

“Because as scared as I was to leave for California, I was twice as scared of what would happen if I called. If I heard your voice again. Edie.” Stepping forward, Jesse lifted her hands to cup Edie’s face. “I didn’t call, because I knew the second I heard your voice I’d be back on a plane to South Carolina. And I know that makes me a fucking coward, and I know there’s nothing I can ever do to erase what I did. But I didn’t stay away because I stopped loving you. I stayed away because I loved you so much I was terrified it would ruin me in the end.”

Covering Jesse’s hands with her own, Edie finally let the tears come. She was too tired to keep fighting them. “You broke me,” she whispered through the tears. “When you left, it was like I couldn’t breathe. Like you took all the oxygen with you, and I didn’t think I’d ever be okay again. But I was okay. I was more than okay, and then you came back, and it was like I couldn’t breathe again. I’m trying so hard to forgive you, but it’s so fucking hard, Jesse.”

“I know. And that’s okay. You take your time, because I’m not scared anymore, sugar. You take all the time you need because I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

A sob burst from her chest, and the next thing she knew, she was in Jesse’s arms. And as she wept for the girls they’d been, both so scared of their own pain that they’d ended up destroying each other, the cracks in her heart she’d tried so damn hard to ignore for nearly a decade finally began to heal.

Chapter 32

Jesse

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