Page 113 of Sing Your Secrets

She grips the island counter ledge so hard her knuckles turn white. “So? That’s barely scratching the surface. You won’t have rent, but what about insurance, licensing, electricity, emergency funds for maintenance, and a catch fund for legalities? You know businesses like this can be sued for all kinds of things, right? That’s not to mention marketing and advertisement, and—”

“Mom,” I say with a hiss. “Stop. Forget it. Forget I mentioned it.”

“No, no I won’t forget it.” Her tone goes shrill. “I’ve been holding my tongue for the past few weeks, but enough is enough. I’m trying to be supportive,” she says, gesturing around to the sea of unpacked groceries. “I want us to be closer so I’m tolerating this downward spiral, but I feel like you’re right back in your teenage years. Do you remember who mopped up your mess when Atlanta chewed you up and spit you out? Hm? Do you think that was fun for me to see you so depressed that you were physically unwell? And now, I’m watching you make the exact same mistakes you made when you were eighteen years old with a new guy. What is wrong with you?”

I open my mouth but I can’t get a word in edgewise. When Mom gets going, there’s no stopping her.

She takes a deep breath and continues her verbal lashing. “I can’t sit here and watch you throw everything you’ve worked so hard for away. And I know you’ve been trying to weasel your way out of Henley & Associates. Henley called me! I told him you were having a difficult time at home and weren’t in your right mind. I told him you were going to rescind your resignation, and he should completely ignore your momentary lapse of good judgment.”

“You did what? You don’t speak for me. How dare you—”

“How dare you? How do you think that makes me look? I got you that job. I called in a favor with Henley. Reese, it’s time…”

I watch her chest rise and fall, her angry breath ragged. “For what?”

“To grow the fuck up.” She’s not yelling, but her words feel like a sucker punch to the jaw, nonetheless. “I want a daughter that I can respect. Get your head on straight. Don’t wrap your life around a man who is going to ditch you the moment something better comes along.” I raise my brows at her.

“Oh yeah, your dad told me about Miles’s big contract. Are you going to run off with him too, this time to L.A.? Are you going to come home in two years in shambles again?”

I narrow my eyes to slits. “Miles is not Petey.”

“No—it’s far worse. He’s making promises he can’t keep, Reese. He’s not going to take care of you. Do you know what happens when someone cashes a two-million-dollar check? Their true colors come out. Do you remember the decisions Petey made? But at least he was eighteen. Miles is grown, and he should understand that being a dancing stage monkey is not a stable career.”

“You know, Mom, Petey did just fine for himself,” I snarl. Not even my mom can deny his success. He outearns her fifty times over.

“Yeah, and funny how after everything you did for him, and gave up for him, he’s swimming in the dough, while you’re slumming it as a minimum wage paralegal at a law firm—a job your mom got you.”

It’s a fucking low blow.She’s going for the jugular and as if she cut my windpipes, I can’t even speak. I’m frozen. I just have to stand here and take it.

“And make no mistake, Miles will do the same when his time comes. This is your pattern, Reese. You let these men use you. You give them everything and then wonder at the end of the day why you have nothing when they choose their dreams over being with you. This is what the music industry is. Why spend your life hurting, worried, and left behind? Stand on your own two feet for once. Choose yourself—your life, your career. Retake your LSATs, it’s not too late.”

I can’t believe this. She’s so wrong. About me. About Miles. About how much I’ve grown up. I am learning to stand on my own two feet, and I’m so sick of her trying to knock me right back down.

“Fuck you.”

The words are out before I can collect them. Her jaw drops like she’s surprised, but her entire speech was a giant fuck you. I just finally had the nerve to say it back.

“You want a daughter you can respect?” I ask, seething. “Go find one. Because as of this moment, you’re daughter-less.”

I grab my keys and sling my satchel around my shoulder.

“Reese.” She says my name and it comes out like a hiss. “Where are you going? Don’t walk away from me. I know it’s hard to hear the truth. But someone has to tell you to grow up. I only want what’s best for you.”

I spin around in place and meet her bugged-out stare. Even if Mom feels like she’s crossed a line, she won’t back down. It’s her nature. Fight until the end. And we are…in fact…at the end. “Five years ago, I lied to you. I scored so high on my LSATs that your beloved Stanford Law offered me early admission.”

“What?” She looks unnerved for the first time in this conversation like I finally found her Achilles heel.

“Oh yeah, there’s a lot you can do with a 174. They even offered financial assistance.” I feel the acid bubbling in my throat. The same acid I’ve been swallowing down for five years out of guilt and shame, because my own mother would never let me forget my mistakes. Simple mistakes. The mistakes you make when you’re a young girl in love for the first time.

She may not forgive me for how far I fell after Petey, but I finally do…

“If that’s true, you are so foolish for passing up an opportunity like that.” She beats her fist against her forehead and groans in frustration. “So foolish. If I would’ve known—”

“I know. You would’ve bullied me into going, which is why I kept it from you. And thank God. I’ve made a lot of dumb choices, but that one I stand by because the last thing I want is to turn out like you.”

She sucks in a breath as her mouth falls open again.

“One day when I have a daughter, I’ll encourage her to live a life that makes her happy. I won’t help mend her broken heart just to expect praise and repayment. I’ll love her exactly the way she is—no matter how different we may be.”

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