Page 77 of A Lick of Flame

“I’m so very sorry.” He pulls me against his strong chest.

I realize in this exact moment that I have never once cried to mourn their passing. Not once. I held it all inside of me for all of these years.

Why now? Why is it all coming out now, in his arms? The enemy. Only he doesn’t feel like the enemy; he feels safe and good. He feels right. His arms around me feel right somehow. Like a balance has been restored. His scent of pine and summer…of life…it wraps itself around me. I bury my head in his chest, and I cry. I would be embarrassed at the racking sobs that accost me if it weren’t for how good it feels to get it all out.

“I’m sorry.” He smooths the hair on the back of my head. His hand is big and warm. He says other things. Nice things.

Finally, I lean back, looking him in the eye. I must look a sight, but I don’t care.

“You can tell me about it if you want.” There is no pressure.

I nod. “They insisted on staying and fighting…my parents. They did it to ensure that my brother and I could escape. They did it to buy us time.” My voice breaks a little.

Orion’s eyes are filled with sorrow. That and…something more, something that makes me feel like I matter, like I am seen. Like he cares about me. They’re also hazy with sorrow. Like he feels my pain.

“When they cut my father down, my brother turned back. I couldn’t stop him. Kakara help me, but I tried. He was as tall as a man. Only fifteen summers, but…tall and strong from working on the farm.” More hot tears course down my cheeks. Trying to stop them would be like trying to stop a storm. Trying to stop the rain from falling. Impossible, so I let them fall freely.

Orion still has his arms around me. The back of my head is in his hand; his other hand rests on my lower back.

“George tried to save my mother. He tried…but…” A sobbing sound leaves me. For a moment, I think it might have been made by another person. Surely not me. Only it is me. I sob again. “They cut him down, too. I didn’t stay to see it. I ran like a coward.”

“I’m sorry,” he says in a soft voice. “You would have died, too, if you had stayed.”

“It was right when she took over…Snow. There were bands of fae killing and destroying, only we didn’t know it. The sky had turned murky. We knew that something was afoot, but we didn’t know what it was. I was on my way home from school when I was stopped. It was not unusual to have fae in our parts, particularly beastfae.”

Orion’s face falls, and his eyes darken.

“We stayed a little way up from the Forbidden Caves. They stopped me and asked me to take them with me. They wanted to talk with my father. Just to talk, they said. They were interested in buying cattle from him.” I sob harder. “I took them. I led them right to our door. It was me, Orion. I am to blame. I killed my family.” I’ve never told a living soul about this part of what happened. I was so ashamed. I still am. I’m not sure why I’m telling him now, only that doing so is easing something in me. I half expect him to look at me with horror. To push me away from him, but it doesn’t happen.

“It wasn’t your fault.” He shakes his head. “Being kind isn’t a negative trait. You were none the wiser. You were a young girl.”

“What about naïve? I was naïve and stupid. I—”

“You were fourteen, Maya. You’d lived a good life in a peaceful village with a good family. To be naïve is a privilege when it should be a right. You didn’t expect to be attacked like that.”

“I spoke to them. Laughed with them. I…I…”

“You did nothing wrong. It was them…all them, and I am ashamed to have any association with the likes of the fae who killed your family in cold blood. I know that it is hard for you to believe it, but it is not our way.”

I sob again. “You’re nothing like them,” I tell him. “You’re not. You’re a good man, Orion. I am grateful for you.”

He cups my face in his hands. “If I could turn back time, I would. If I could change things, I would…I will. I can’t bring your family back, but I can fix it. I have to fix it. I have so much to make up for. I wish I could do something, anything, to help. To make it easier on you.”

“You could kiss me,” I say the first thing that comes to mind. “Make me forget. Make me feel better, even if just for a short while.”

His eyes heat and darken as I speak.

“I don’t need much convincing, Maya.” He captures my mouth in what starts off soft and timid but quickly grows into something a little more out of control.

I touch his chest, his arms, his back, running my hands up and down his body. I want to get closer to him.

Orion says my name against my lips with reverence before pulling back.

“Don’t say it,” I tell him. “Don’t say that we can’t because it isn’t true. We can! I want to. I know that there is no future for us, but we can have the here and now. I learned the hard way that tomorrow isn’t a given. The last few days have taught me to live life to the fullest. I want this. I want you.”

Orion sighs. “You need to be sure, Maya.”

“I am sure. Didn’t you hear a thing I just said? I want it to be you…my first.”

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