Page 125 of Sawyer

“No, I’m not good.” I drop my feet to the floor. “This Freddy, did he say anything to you?”

“Oh yeah, he talked a whole fucking lot after I woke up from the drug he pumped into my system.” She grunts. “He went on and on about his girl. I didn’t listen, but I know he works for Doc. He’s his uncle or something.”

“I’m going to be sick.” I barely hit the drain before my food splatters on the tiles.

Vee steps over my kneeling form and gathers my hair that fell out of my towel. That’s it. I’m keeping her forever and ever. I’ve never had anyone hold my hair back when I puked.

She’s best friend material, and I’ve never in all my life had a best friend.

“Let it up, girl. Don’t force that shit down,” she coos, and I think she’s done this more than once. “I take it you know this Freddy.”

I nod and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “Yeah, I do.” I shift back on my heels, and Vee moves out of the way. “He’s my cameraman.”

“Oh hell no,” she says far more dramatically than she should, but it hits right. “That slimy motherfucker is in love with you! Girl, he was stalking you.”

“Yeah.” I cough. “I know that now.” All of it makes perfect sense. He would have been able to take the pics of Rumor, Bryn, and me in the forest because he was supposed to be with me. “All those times he flaked on me, he didn’t flake.” He was taking pictures of me. “I feel like an idiot.”

“No, girl.” Vee once more pulls me up, her eyes shining with vengeance. “You aren’t an idiot. We should be free to live without worrying about anyone else’s actions, but we don’t have that freedom because we live in a sick, twisted, and fucked-up world. We need to be aware of our own actions and everyone else around us, but sometimes, the ones we trust the most are the monsters that lurk in the dark.”

“You’re right.” She is. “I can’t blame myself.”

“Fucking right you can’t,” she retorts with a fierceness I feel in my bones. “Now, we need to get to our rooms. If we aren’t in there when the locks engage, we get knocked out, and you don’t want that to happen.”

I follow Vee back into the sauna-like room and then down the hall. My room is right there, number one, and I pause. “What happens if we are in the hall?” I ask out of curiosity.

“Then you belong to the guards for the night.” There’s sadness in her eyes, in her voice. Her gaze darts to the corner of the hall, and I know we’re being watched and listened to.

I nod, not saying a damn thing more. All I can hope is that tomorrow, I can talk to her again.

She might just become the best thing about this shitty, fucked-up situation.

Sawyer

I barely have time to allow the door to close before the locks click into place.

A part of me just wants to sink to the floor with my back against the wall and let the moment carry me away into the depths of whatever hell awaits me.

Resigned, I do just that.

I don’t know what happened from the moment I walked down the hall and into this room, but that lock engaging may as well have been a gunshot.

The morning and afternoon rush at me, and with it, the heavy weight of life presses down on my shoulders. My body aches, and my heart twists.

I want to cry, and I know I should cry and give myself a minute for everything I’m feeling to pour out of me in the form of salty tears. And yet, as my head thuds against the door and the lights dim, they don’t come.

“Feel something, Sawyer.” The words rip from my soul. The emotion’s there, but something holds the release back, something sinister inside me.

Perhaps I got it all out earlier when I spoke with Violet, or maybe I feel like this is just what was always going to happen, that the world would just shit on me.

I often see those people who yell to the rooftops that you have to manifest what you want out of life.

The problem is, I didn’t want them in my life. I was okay. I was just fine working and focusing on everything I could give to the world before they came along.

Part of me refused to get to know them on a deeper level, and now I regret that. I regret not asking them stupid things like what their favorite color is, or what time of day they thrive in, or what their families are like.

I don’t know them because I didn’t want to get to know them. Vee’s right—biology drove us together, but it’s our responsibility to do the rest of the work. I care for them and want them in my life, but I didn’t get to know them.

I knew the world would just take them away from me, and it did.

---