Page 126 of Sawyer

Though the tears don’t come, a heavy weight pulses in my chest. The thump of my heart slows dangerously, and my eyes burn because they are dry.

After this, all I’ll have is the week before I let myself get caught.

The way Sin looked at me as though I was his entire fucking world, and the way his eyes lit up just from me. It didn’t matter if I wore a bed sheet. He devoured me with his gaze and touched me with just as much passion.

And Superman. I didn’t anticipate him, but he stopped me from doing anything I’d regret. I can almost smell his chocolate mint scent and see his wholesome eyes that hold an odd darkness to them—a darkness I want to explore and didn’t get the chance to.

Then there is Rumor. There’s so much I don’t know about him. I know he put all of himself into his work. He truly believes he’s out there doing his best to help those he thinks need it. He wants to make the world a better place, and he’s determined to persevere, despite all the hardships.

I swear I will breathe my last breath hearing him say “baby girl” in my head. It’s something I wish I had recorded, but my imagination will have to do.

A hiss from above drags me from the spiral of depression. Fog shoots from a small pipe in the corner of the room, billowing out like a cloud to sink down and hover in the air before me.

My pulse picks up as I glare at the offensive cloud. I know whatever it is, I can’t avoid it, so I don’t.

Resigned.

Is this where I’m at in life? Ready to just let it happen? I don’t have an answer to that. For so long, I fought for all the gammas who didn’t have a voice, and that was the reason I woke up in the morning. The reason I put one foot in front of the other.

I didn’t even live my life for myself.

I lived for everyone else…until them.

When they entered my life, I wanted to wake up with a body curled around me while we fought for a better world. They slowly became my reason, even over such a short period of time.

As the fog swirls toward me, I inhale, letting it sink into my lungs. Though it scares me, I inhale again and again.

There’s not a damn scent to it, not in the typical fashion. It’s clean, like fresh oxygenated air. Honestly, it’s slightly addicting, and I inhale again, letting it feed me something I didn’t know I needed.

It’s probably terrible for me, but I can’t help it.

The clock blinks rapidly, and the time disappears to be replaced by stats I don’t entirely understand, but I know they have something to do with me. Numbers and letters that make no sense stream across the bottom.

I inhale again and rest my head against the door. Somewhere in the distance, a woman screams and sobs. Not even her tears bring my own.

Closing my eyes, I think back to my childhood and how different my life could have been if I had allowed it.

Before my sister was born, it was always just me and Shep. We weren’t even genuinely close, not in a way that I craved, like some of my friends who had amazing relationships with their siblings. They had caring siblings who would kill anyone who looked at their sister wrong.

I guess, in a way, Shep did that. Only he chose a different tactic.

“You shouldn’t let them get to you, you know.” Shep glances down at me, his green eyes narrowing. A fishing rod taps against his shoulder as he walks, and our tackle box hits his thigh with every step.

I look back over my shoulder at the girls standing on the shoreline. Here in the harbor, there are few places where we can swim. Most of the shore is rocky and dangerous, and the waters are rough all but once a year and in one spot. I never understood it, but Daddy said it was the fates’ way of blessing us with a break.

Daddy, Papa, and our other fathers gave us a week to ourselves where we didn’t have to work on the wharf with them. I never really minded, since I enjoyed being with them, but the week off from dance was nice too.

Shep packaged everything we’d need to spend the day fishing the smooth waters. It was fine until the betas showed up.

And the alphas.

I’m not even old enough for my designation to reveal itself, but the alphas looked at me like I was a meal. I know they should keep their eyes to themselves, but they didn’t. That alone scared me enough to want to speed up and rush away.

I know how biology works, and I’m only ten. There is no way a beta can take a knot.

That isn’t what has me annoyed though.

“I didn’t,” I snap at Shep and turn away, kicking a rock down the street.

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