Page 187 of After All This Time

No other family members are here. His grandparents would’ve been here if they were still around. The Kaplan’s are a decent-sized family. Noah has Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. I guess I’ll find out if they’re coming to the reception at the house.

Sitting down next to Noah, I can feel the anger coursing through his body.

The second I hold his hand, his anger cools down. “Take a deep breath.”

He does what I tell him, closing his eyes. His mouth is shaped as a small circle and his shoulders are rising and falling.

I look at him. “You know that was totally uncalled for, right?”

“I know…It’s just I don’t get why Mom keeps saying Dad would’ve wanted this. He wouldn’t have wanted any of this. I’ve never heard him tell us he’d want an outdoor funeral when he passes away. I hate that she keeps making shit up.”

Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I turn around to see my mom. “I know how hard it is for you to be here, Sweet Girl. It’s hard for me too, even if it’s been several years. There’s no alternate universe we could live in where I wouldn’t have been here for Laura.”

“I know,” I say as I look away from Mom and Noah to stop myself from crying.

Noah turns around to get in on our conversation. “Thank you for everything you do for my mom. For staying with her at the house and helping her with Lizzie. I know it means the world to her. It means a lot to me.”

She leans closer into him, cupping his cheeks with her hands. “Oh, Sweet Boy, you never have to thank me for anything. I’d do anything for your mom. I don’t know if I would be here right now if it wasn’t for her and my beautiful daughter.” Mom takes a deep breath. “Dani’s right about that outburst you had. That was the last thing your mom and sister needed right now. They’re hurting and I know you are too. But, there’s absolutely no reason to project more pain onto them.”

He looks down at the floor, taking in what my mom just said to him. He meets her gaze. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“Let us begin,” the rabbi says standing next to the shiny, wooden coffin.

Roses scatter the top of it. A plaque with Ben’s name is plastered in the center of the top of the coffin.

God, I hope we both make it through this.

The funeral service lasts approximately forty-five minutes.

Laura and Lizzie give their eulogies. Noah doesn’t. I knew he wasn’t going to. He told me last night he couldn’t do it. His mom understood his reasoning behind why he couldn’t.

I spent the entire funeral service with my arm tucked into his and my head leaned into the nape of his neck.

Time to go back to the house and talk to people I don’t even know. People who will ask me what I’m up to and other bullshit that’s none of their business. I just need to plaster a fake smile and deal with it.

Maybe I should bring that giant black flashlight with me just in case.

Never know if I might need it.

CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO

noah

Dani has no idea what’s going on in my head and I don't want to subject her to any of it.

The darkness is slowly taking over my mind and body. It’s like my humanity is wilting away like a dying flower.

I feel the warmth radiating from her hand. Her arm is nestled around mine. Even after I snapped at her when we got here, she stayed.

I don’t fucking deserve her.

She deserves so much better than me.

Here’s where it gets complicated. I’m never letting her go. She’s stuck with me until we’re gray and old. I’m going to marry her. It makes me so fucking happy to say that even if it’s in my head.

She lifts her head out from my neck, looking up at me with those gorgeous eyes of hers. “Ready to go?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”

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