Page 186 of After All This Time

He brought me back to life and I’m so grateful for everything he’s done for me.

Stepping out of the car, I sling my purse over my shoulder.

The car door slams shut. And there goes Noah’s door.

We’re on our way to Ben’s memorial site. I can see Laura and Mom from a distance. Lizzie’s next to Laura in a wheelchair.

He stops, standing in front of me and placing his hands on my shoulders. “We don’t hide shit from each other. I need you to talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. Please.”

I brace myself, exhaling deep. “I haven’t been here in nine years. Memories keep flooding back. I keep telling myself I need to be strong. For you. And I can’t do it. I can’t do this. I can’t be here. I—” He stops me from my emotional rambling by pulling me into his big, strong arms.

Whenever Noah hugs me, it feels like I’m home and I never want to let him go.

“You had your dad’s funeral here.”

“Yeah.”

He’s gently rubbing my back to calm me down.

How is it that I’m losing my shit and he’s not? How is he so calm? I’d be an emotional wreck if I was him right now.

“Remember when you told me we’d leave if it gets to be too much for me?”

I nod as a silent response.

The tears are steady, pouring out of my eyes like no tomorrow.

His arms release me before his hands thread into mine. “You need to tell me if it ends up being too much for you. When it does, we’re out of here. Okay, Sunshine?”

“Okay.” Wiping the salty wetness off my face, my eyes land on his face that I've come to love so damn much. “How are you so calm right now?”

“I don’t think I’m calm. I’m just numb.”

“That’s a valid emotion to feel,” I say.

We speed-walk over to where Laura, Lizzie, and Mom are.

Once we make it uphill, Laura greets us. “What the hell took you guys so long? The service was supposed to start ten minutes ago!”

“Traffic,” he lies through his teeth.

“Your dad would be so disappointed in you.”

“Really? How would you know? He’s not even here!”

“Noah,” Lizzie jumps in, rolling her wheelchair closer to us. “Don’t!”

“Don’t look at me like that, Lizzie. Who are we kidding here? What makes you think Dad wanted an outdoor funeral in the first place? Maybe he wanted his ashes shoved inside a drawer. Maybe he wanted to be buried in the ground, so his body could decay and turn into pure bone. Hey, maybe we could use him as a Halloween decoration next year!” His chest is heaving, breathing heavily.

“What the hell is wrong with you? That’s sick!” Lizzie shouts.

“That’s enough! Noah, go sit your ass down. Now!” Laura shakes her head as the muscles in her jaw vibrate.

Noah rolls his eyes, sitting down on a chair in the front row.

It’s just the five of us.

Laura, Lizzie, Noah, Mom, and I.

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