Page 144 of Queen of Diamonds

Time ticked slowly on, and I knew he would be here soon.

Dust motes floated eerily in the cold air around me, and goosebumps pricked my open skin. I was suddenly so grateful for my pretence at nesting. Right now, I wore Zed’s T-shirt, one of Kyan’s bracelets on my wrist, and a lone bead I’d stolen from Knight’s locs. He only had three, and in my pocket was the one with the blade of grass.

Ace would take them from me, but I knew that.

I didn’t bring them to keep, I brought them for strength. My final nest.

The seats stretched out before me, red fabric staring back for row after row, like an audience of ghosts.

I had a gift this time.

I could see them all, a picture of a family—one that loved each other even without me there. And it gave me all I needed to do, what I’d never been strong enough to do before.

My mates would try to find me, but even that was impossible. Ace would make sure of it, but if I gave him everything he wanted, then maybe—just maybe—that would be all he took from them.

And eventually, they would go on.

They’d done it once, and now I knew they could do it again.

I shut my eyes.

Ace could take and take and take in this world, but behind every curtain, he would find nothing but dust and ash. He would lose, in the end, because he could never have what they did.

The only thing that truly mattered.

At last, I heard the creak of a door to my left, coming in from the side of the stage.

I didn’t look up.

I’d written my letter to Ace. I’d given every part of myself to those words, and they were lodged in my soul, my comfort.

There is no justice in power, but there is consequence. It asks for nothing but depravity, but it never comes free. We are all condemned to lives of our own making.

I’ve made my choice.

You’ve made yours.

Footsteps echoed upon wooden floorboards, nearing slowly. My fists balled in my shirt, and I swallowed.

This was it.

The beginning. The end. And I was so fucking scared, so I clung to those words, trying to find peace in hopelessness.

There is no loophole, or escape. You will forever settle for less of what makes us the best we can be, or mangle your own mind in order to convince yourself otherwise.

When you steal what should never be stolen, you become a more pitiable creature than you so desperately wish you could make me. There is no power that will allow you to claim what gives me my strength.

The footsteps to my left came to a halt, feet away.

Still, I hadn’t moved.

My mates would read it, too. To reach the end and maybe, just maybe, find peace.

You can take me from all that I love, but you will never take them from me.

And in that,

you will never truly win.

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