Page 21 of Find Me

I stumble to the bathroom as the room keeps spinning, barely making it to the toilet before I begin vomiting, the contents of last night’s drinking emptying from my stomach violently.

I stand up shakily, starting the shower before standing in front of the mirror to brush my teeth. The sight I’m greeted with is nothing short of shocking. My hair is a mess; the once neat waves now a tangled mass of brown, and my mascara is smudged down my cheeks. Had I been crying?

My gaze travels south and I’m surprised to see bruises speckling my arms, my sides, and my knees.

What the fuck happened last night?

I can’t feel anything over the pounding in my head, so I step into the shower hoping to wash the hangover away, racking my brain for any memory that would help me figure out what happened last night.

I wash myself thoroughly before sitting down on the shower floor, running conditioner through my hair until the knots start to untangle, hoping for the hot water to wash away the uneasy feeling growing in the pit of my stomach.

I sit with my eyes closed, trying to find peace underneath the running water, until my phone starts to ring, its chime rattling my head. I stand up, turning off the water quickly as I rush to grab my towel and find my phone, desperate for the noise to stop.

I reach for my phone on my dresser, only to see Sam calling me.

“Hey, you!” I answer, trying to bring a note of cheerfulness to my voice while quietly trying to hold another wave of nausea at bay.

Silence answers me.

I wrap my towel around me as I sit down on my bed.

“Sam, what’s going on?”

“You…” she answered quietly, pausing for a moment before continuing. “You were absolutely unhinged last night. I barely recognized you as you were leaving Heat.”

What is she talking about?

“What the fuck is going on with you lately?” She spits angrily. “I have never seen you so out of control.”

“Sam,” I start, still trying to piece the memories together, albeit unsuccessfully. “I was so drunk I honestly don’t even remember most of last night. I know I overdid it and drank way too much.”

“More like you snorted too much…”

“I …”

“Don’t try to deny it, I saw you… multiple times. By the end of the night, you guys weren’t even trying to be discreet. I lost count of how much you snorted or how many times Rhett and his friends offered you pills, and that’s only when I happened to glance your way. Who knows how much you actually took? All I know is you were all absolutely trashed. And Evi, the things they were all saying…” She sighs heavily, and I hear the tears catch in her voice.

“Sam… it couldn’t have been that bad, we were just letting loose. I don’t know what you heard but I’m sure it was just us having fun. You know I have a dry sense of humor sometimes—”

“Not what you were saying. What they were saying.” She lets out a shaky breath, as the pit in my stomach starts to grow amidst her worry.

“I want you to put yourself in my shoes for a second, okay? Imagine what it might feel like to run into someone you care about, who used to be your best friend.” I feel a flash of grief. Used to be your best friend. But not anymore, the unspoken words weigh heavily on me.

She continues steadily, “And imagine you see this friend, who you usually have to drag to the bar, doing an incomprehensible amount of drugs, oblivious to the fact that the guy she’s dating and all his friends are talking about everything they want to do to her later.”

I freeze, both at her words and at the realization that I don’t even remember meeting his friends.

“No…” I start, refusing to believe her.

“That’s what they were saying. I overheard them saying the most…” She sobs, trailing off. “How can you be around people who talk about you like that? What are you thinking?” She demands, the hurt in her voice turning into anger.

“Sam, that’s not true,” I start, my own voice shaky. “Rhett wouldn’t… He’s never…” I take a breath. “Look, I don’t know what you overheard, but it must have been a joke. There’s no way Rhett would let anyone talk about me like that. He cares about me, okay?” I don’t know who I’m trying to convince, Sam or myself.

“He said he’d give them each a turn with you, for the right price,” she whispers, and I feel the blood drain from my face.

I close my eyes, carefully trying to control the pit in my stomach as it tries to turn into a chasm, threatening to consume all of me.

“You’re lying,” I say quietly. “You’re lying. You’re just jealous I have someone who’s interested in me, someone who cares about me.” I spit, letting anger take the reins.

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