Page 34 of Find Me

“It’s not as if you haven’t hurt people before. Where does this fall on your code of conduct?” I question, gesturing to my legs.

“I would never do this, love, not without consent anyway, and I hope you know that.” He snarls back, clearly not in the mood to joke about this.

“Really? Because based on how you were looking at me earlier, I find it hard to believe you wouldn’t do this.” I gesture to myself, desperately trying to steer the conversation away from my hurt, not wanting to face what I’m trying so hard to ignore.

I prop myself back up on my elbows and spread my legs slightly, the insinuation clear. I wait to see if he’ll take the bait I’ve laid before him, helping distract me from everything that just transpired.

Jax looks at me for a second, the anger briefly replaced by a hint of sorrow, and he stands up, placing both his hands on my knees and staring down at me. A fiery warmth spreads deep within me as I look at the godly figure in front of me, and my breathing hitches as he climbs slowly onto the bed, lowering himself down on top of me. My legs spread open more as the weight of him settles, and I feel his hot breath on my body as his lips kiss my collarbone and neck. I can’t help but respond to him, my hips lifting as I try to close any of the remaining space between us. Before I get any further his lips pause by my ear.

And even though his voice is soft, I hear the primal growl beneath his words.

“When I fuck you, love, you will be on your knees begging for me, and not comparing me to all the awful men you’ve had before.” He pauses, his eyes searching mine. “Just because everyone else has taken from you, doesn’t mean I’m going to do the same.”

My breath hitches as his mouth returns to my ear, his teeth biting at me gently.

“When I fuck you, I will own you—body, mind, and soul.” He looks at me again, a devilish smile crossing his face as he slowly trails a hand from my knee to my inner thigh until it rests just above my center, and I unashamedly lift myself into his palm as he continues.

“When I have you, I’ll feel your mouth wrapping around all of me, before my mouth finds you and your moans fill this room.” His hand rubs across my underwear and I can feel the desire pooling within me.

“But tonight?” He continues, “Tonight, you need to get some rest.” He smiles before pushing off me.

That’s it?! I think to myself.

“Get some sleep, love, we’ll continue this another time.” He winks at me as he turns towards my door.

I’m speechless as I watch him leave, his silhouette illuminated by the dim light of my room. My heart is racing, as are my thoughts, and my body is aching for more. I can feel the heat between my legs, longing to be touched, to be pleasured. I know I won’t be able to sleep, not with these thoughts lingering in my mind and electricity coursing through my body.

My mind is racing, and I can’t believe Jax was on top of me, can’t believe how his touch makes me feel, and how spending a single evening with him has made me want him—all of him—so badly.

It takes a minute for me to remember the finer details of our conversation earlier.

Jax was on top of me. I repeat to myself quietly. One of the biggest crime lords was just on top of me.

I pause, waiting for fear to consume me, waiting for panic to send me spiraling, but it never comes. All I feel is the need for him to be between my legs again.

I roll over, trying to get comfortable, but the sensation of his lips on my skin is still fresh and vivid in my mind. I close my eyes and try to fight the urge to touch myself, but it’s no use, I need release.

I slide my hand down my stomach and under my underwear, feeling the throb of my clit beneath my fingertips. I imagine his hands on me, his mouth on my breasts, his cock inside of me. My breathing quickens as I circle my core, teasing myself, bringing myself closer and closer to the edge.

The pressure builds to a point of no return, and I explode around my fingers as my orgasm finds me. I close my eyes as the last waves of pleasure pass over me, thinking of his whispers in my ear and his hands on my body as sleep finds me.

CHAPTER 16

‡

I wake up convinced that last night had to be a dream.

Sunlight streams in through my windows, warm against my skin, and I immediately remember the warmth of his touch on me, and how it spread to my core, my body begging for more and him… I roll my eyes at the level of restraint he showed by leaving last night. And even though I didn’t get what I wanted from him, I find it strangely meaningful that he left when he did.

There is something different about him, something beyond the physical, beyond the sparks that bounce between us when our bodies are near. I felt it the first night we met, but last night was on a whole other level.

I shake my head, thinking about how last night ended very differently than I thought it would. My body protests at the sudden movement, bile sitting in the back of my throat thanks to the mixed drinks I had.

While talking to Jax last night helped me feel better, I don’t really know where bringing an alleged murderer back to my apartment was really going to help with my stay out of trouble plan, remembering Red’s warnings. Both Red and Mike looked afraid of Jax, and I saw the way he was so hard towards others, and yet nothing but gentle with me. The irony isn’t lost on me as I remember how I spoke about a wolf in sheep’s clothing last night. Yet here I am, not sure what to make of the man who can terrify others but tucks me into bed… twice.

I stretch, letting the covers fall off my body as I stand up slowly. A wave of dizziness throws me off balance. I hold onto my dresser, waiting for it to pass, and notice my jeans from last night laying on my floor, right where Jax left them. I walk over to them, and as I toss them in my laundry basket, the baggie Rhett gave me falls to the floor, its presence blissfully forgotten until now.

I freeze, staring at the pills. I don’t even know how long I stand unmoving, looking at them and wondering how something so small can impact me so much.

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