Page 36 of Find Me

I huff a sigh. “I’m fine, seriously, Rhett. But thanks,” I say, standing up to get some water from my fridge.

Suddenly Rhett is directly behind me, his body hard against my back, and I feel myself recoil from his touch, my heart accelerating in my chest.

“You seem to be forgetting what it means to be amicable, babe… It would be a shame if you didn’t hold up your end of the bargain.” He trails off, the threat lingering.

I close my eyes, trying to summon any hint of the boldness I have around Jax.

“I think we should reconsider the deal, Rhett,” I say quietly as I turn to face him. “Just cash, and no other strings attached. I’ll get it to you as fast as I can, I promise.”

I can’t read what flashes behind his eyes, his gaze ice cold. My heart beats quickly, and I break away from his stare as anxiety builds in my chest.

Finally, he smiles, and I loose a breath I didn’t know I had been holding.

“Fine by me, if that’s how you want to do it,” he says, his voice surprisingly chipper. “But one condition,” he adds.

I freeze, dreading what might come out of his mouth next.

“We spend the day together, hanging out and having fun, just like old times.”

“What’s the catch?” I ask suspiciously.

“There’s no catch, Evi. Is it that hard to believe I like spending time with you? Come on, give me a break and just hang out with me today. We’ll do a line and watch a movie… just as friends, of course,” he adds quickly.

I consider what he’s just said, and I can’t help but smile at the idea of being freed from our deal; trading one more day is a small price to pay if it means never having to entertain him again.

I nod, accepting his offer, and he smiles at me broadly as I walk towards the counter.

I bend down slowly, my nose hovering over the white powder, and snort one of the lines. Instantly, a wave of self-disappointment and shame hits me like a flood, but I quickly push it away and pack it up with all the other emotions I refuse to acknowledge.

True to his word, Rhett doesn’t make a single move on me, and even lets me choose all the movies we watch. But as the TV flashes in front of me, one line quickly turns into several, with Rhett setting a pace that is hard to keep up with. Before I know it, day has turned to night, and after a quick outfit change, I find myself sliding into his passenger seat, and he is driving us to Heat.

As he drives through the city, I can’t help but feel suspicion rise within me. In the time that I have known Rhett, I have never seen him back down from anything, and more often than not, he’ll do anything to prove he can get whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. I try to figure out the reason behind his sudden change in demeanor—how amicable he has become—and for some reason I can’t help but feel as though we are playing a game, where only he knows the rules.

Heat provides me with just what I need: an escape for all the energy that has built up within me. I dance with Rhett, too drunk and high to think about what he has put me through. The deafening bass booms through me, and the music is the only thing I can think about.

I dance until I feel like my heart is going to give out, and then I keep dancing some more. Rhett is never too far away, and the only time his hands leave my hips is to hand me a pill or get me a drink. As exhilaration sets my body alight, I can’t help but think that I want this feeling to last forever.

CHAPTER 17

‡

My body is on fire.

I can feel the red-hot lava pumping through my veins, and no matter how quickly I try to draw oxygen into my lungs, I can’t catch my breath. I look around, unsure of how I got home, when I stopped dancing, and what I had taken to get me to this point. The only thing I remember is Rhett carrying me up the stairs to my apartment, dumping my purse in the hallway and picking up my keys, letting us into the apartment before unceremoniously dumping me on the couch.

The sweat on my skin sticks to the couch beneath me as I try to roll over, only to glimpse Rhett doing lines in the kitchen, oblivious as I lay here struggling to breathe.

I look around my apartment, noticing how the shadows on the walls appear to dance, how everything around me seems to move quickly, yet I lay here feeling as though I am moving in slow motion. My brain and my body struggle to connect, something getting lost in translation as I try to move, try to call out to Rhett, but remain stuck here motionless watching the room swirl around me at lightning-fast speed.

I have no concept of time as I remain trapped in this nightmare, my mind and body disconnected and refusing to cooperate. I am hyper-focused on trying to align them, but I am paralyzed, unable to move.

Finally, Rhett comes and stands beside me, his face looming over my own.

“You look like you’re going through it right now.” He laughs.

“Rhett, what did I take? I can’t catch my breath…” I start, but breathing feels difficult as I gasp for air.

“You’ll be fine, Evi. You just went a little hard tonight, that’s all.”

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