Page 45 of Find Me

“I had a dream you were on the phone. Something about keeping someone alive. It was a weird dream, but vivid,” I say, shaking my head as I try to remember more.

Jax takes a deep breath, moving his hands behind his head.

“You weren’t dreaming, love,” he explains. “I was on the phone with Ryan—he’s been doing me a favor and I just needed to check in with him about something.”

I nod, about to let it go before remembering exactly what he said.

Just keep him alive until I can talk to him.

I bolt upright.

“What exactly was the call about, and why were you talking about keeping someone alive? What kind of business are you involved in Jax?” I interrogate as I hastily get out of bed.

“You know I can’t tell you what business I’m in, love, but it’s not what you think. I am simply righting some wrongs.”

“I’m not even going to pretend to know what that means, but if you’re hurting people…” I stammer. “You shouldn’t. That’s not… right.”

I’m stumbling over my words, trying to get all my thoughts out while also looking around my room for my clothes.

“Would it make any difference if it was Rhett?” Jax asks casually as I bend down to pick up my shirt.

I freeze. For a moment, I literally freeze, and so does the world around me. I spin towards him, the picture of innocence on his face.

“I must be hallucinating because I swear I just heard you imply you have done something to Rhett.”

“Well, technically I have done nothing… I’ve been here,” Jax says, feigning innocence once again. “But Ryan, on the other hand, can’t say the same.”

“I’m going to need a lot more information than that, Jax, and you know it.”

Jax pushes himself up onto his elbows, and the fact that he is so nonchalant when I am starting to seriously freak out is infuriating.

“First of all, who is Ryan and why is he keeping Rhett alive? Let’s start there,” I say, anger replacing any calm left in my voice.

“I told you I’d kill him, love,” he replies quietly, a promise of violence coating his words.

“You… You cannot kill him, Jax. You can’t kill anyone. I can’t…” I falter, not sure of what more to say, stunned that this is even a conversation we’re having, shocked that someone’s life hangs in the balance, and that Jax has that kind of power over people. I don’t know how to process this information, how to accept that the darkness others see in Jax is, in fact, true, when all I’ve been privy to is the soft and caring side of him. My heart starts to race, and my hands feel clammy as I try to make sense of all of this.

“Tell me, love, why can’t I kill him? Give me one good reason why I can’t end the man who almost ended your life. The one who hurt you, who left you bruised, and who left you to die in the cold. Give me one good reason. I’ll wait.” He growls.

I rack my brain for a reason, any reason, as to why Rhett should live. Everything Jax has said is true. Rhett, whether intentionally or otherwise, is the reason I am in this mess. Entering into the deal with Rhett was like shaking hands with the devil himself, and I knew it as well as anyone else that our deal, the loan of money, was never just that, but was rather a way for Rhett to exert his power over me and have me at his beck and call, asking how high he wanted me to jump when he said jump. But still, did he deserve to die for this?

“I can’t…” I start, taking a deep breath to keep the anger at bay. “I can’t be responsible for someone’s death, Jax. I couldn’t come back from that. There has been so much darkness in my life this year, so much. Please, don’t make me deal with more.” I all but beg.

“It wouldn’t be on you, love, it would be on me. You would have nothing to do with it.”

“But I would. I’m involved now, I know about it now, so there’s nothing you can do to him that I wouldn’t feel guilty for. The only reason you went after Rhett in the first place is because of me. So, it would fall on my shoulders Jax, and I cannot… I just can’t deal with any more this year.” The desperation in my voice is audible as I trail off.

Jax stares at me, a look of contemplation behind his eyes and something else I can’t read.

“Okay,” he says simply.

“Okay?”

He shrugs. “Okay, I won’t kill him.”

“As if these decisions are so easy? Just like that you’ve changed your mind?” I inquire, perplexed by his sudden change of heart as a tendril of relief grows within me.

“Yes, just like that. In case you haven’t noticed, you have me completely wrapped around your finger, and if you want something I will move mountains to give it to you.”

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