Page 49 of Find Me

“There is one thing we need to discuss before I leave,” Jax starts tentatively.

“What is it?” I question, unsure of what’s on his mind.

“I need your supply,” he says quietly.

“You need my supply?” I repeat back stupidly.

“The drugs. I’m not leaving anything in this house with you after what happened the other night. So, you can flush them yourself or hand them over to me, but they’re not spending another minute with you here.”

“How do you know I have any…” I start.

“Because I can put two and two together. And based on how far gone you have been every time I saw you, my guess is you were taking more than just the occasional bump on nights out.”

Shit. He was right. I had collected quite the stash since accepting drugs from Rhett. Little baggies of weed, coke, and other drugs now littered throughout my apartment, hidden in sock drawers and Tupperware containers, where I could be sure no one would stumble across them accidentally.

“Fine,” I say, unable to hide the hint of acid in my voice. “You can have them, it’s not like I need them anyway. I’m putting that all behind me, remember, it was just a stupid, stupid mistake.” I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince more, myself or Jax.

I shift off the couch, putting my coffee mug down on the kitchen table before walking up the stairs to my bedroom, the floor now warm under the sun’s heat. I open my drawers, pulling out the baggies hidden there, little pills and white powder staring at me from the palm of my hand as a familiar ache fills my body, a desire for something that Jax cannot give me: the ability to turn off my emotions.

I head back downstairs shaking the thoughts from my head, as I retrieve the rest of the baggies from the kitchen.

I hand them over to Jax, embarrassed by the sheer amount of drugs hidden throughout my apartment.

“Jesus Christ, love, I didn’t think you were also selling them,” he says.

“I wasn’t… I’m not,” I retort quietly. “This would last me a few weeks.”

Jax runs a hand through his hair as shame lingers in the air around me.

“This is a lot worse than I thought it was,” Jax murmurs, concerned. “You sure you’re okay, love?”

I laugh, but it feels forced. “I’m completely fine, it was just a mistake. It’s not like I’m an addict or anything.” I just use them when feeling gets too hard, I add silently.

“Take them, flush them, do whatever you want with them, I don’t need it,” I say bluntly.

“Okay,” Jax says, eyeing me closely before kissing me on the forehead as he pockets the drugs.

A knock sounds on the front door, prompting Jax to step away from me.

“That would be Ryan,” Jax says as he opens the door, ushering Ryan inside.

Ryan could have been related to Jax; they look strikingly similar to each other, with dark hair, a muscled frame, and tattoos everywhere. But where Jax had mastered a glowering look, Ryan did, in fact, remind me of a Labrador. His face is welcoming, his eyes kind and soft, and it makes me question if Jax was telling the truth about what Ryan becomes when he’s mad.

“Ryan, meet Evi, Evi, meet Ryan,” Jax says by way of introduction. Ryan tips his head in my direction.

“I should be back later tonight, and Ryan will be here until then.”

Ryan nods silently in confirmation, watching Jax as he goes to walk out the door.

It’s only at the last second that Jax pauses, spinning on his heel and walking back to me, his stride closing the gap between us quickly.

He plants a kiss on my forehead. “Try to stay out of trouble, love.” He winks, before turning his back on us and walking out the door.

“Don’t let anything happen while I’m gone Ryan,” he says over his shoulder as he retreats down the stairs and out the front door of my building.

A part of me aches as he leaves, and I feel a familiar pull to follow him. But this time, I’m not sure if the pull draws me back to Jax, or what he has in his pockets.

Ryan’s voice interrupts my thoughts.

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